Dear God, I was even moved to join the Ancient Alien Society and now have my own membership card, which is like a credit card, but you can’t buy anything with it.
Yesterday, I spoke to Tsoukalicious, as his femme fans call him, and asked the most important questions, well, of all time:
“Tell me Tsouk, why is your hair so giant?”
“Maybe it’s the first sign of alien abduction,” he deadpanned.
There was a bit of news in the interview. Tsoukalos ridiculed archaeologists' explanations of how Puma Punku was built (detailed in Ancient Aliens Debunked) by caricaturing them as "chicken bones or some such nonsense."
Tsoukalos also revisited the Jesus controversy, taking the crowd-pleasing position that his ancient alien theory doesn't apply to his audience's favorite divinity, which even a besotted Stasi seems to recognize doesn't jive with Ancient Aliens' own claims, as her editorial insertion makes plain:
Indeed, consider this extraordinary passage in which he argues that the "ancient texts" about Jesus simply aren't credible sources:
The 'original texts', so frequently consulted and so abundant in theological hairsplitting, do not exist at all. What do we possess? Transcripts that without exception originated between the fourth and tenth centuries A.D. And these transcripts, some 1,500 of them, are transcripts of transcripts, and not a single transcript agrees with another. Over 80,000 (!) variations have been counted. There is not a single page of the 'original texts' without contradictions. From copy to copy the verses were understood differently by sympathetic authors and their functions transformed to suit contemporary needs.
The next time you hear an ancient alien theorist tells you to take ancient texts literally, just quote back ol' von Däniken's words: they were "were understood differently by sympathetic authors and their functions transformed to suit contemporary needs." Oh, right, that's what ancient alien theorists are doing... transforming texts to suit their needs.