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A Bizarre 1977 Article on Jesus the Ancient Astronaut

8/29/2014

83 Comments

 
For those of you who are interested in the Fawcett Mystery, which I discussed on Wednesday, I’ve posted a translation of the mysterious Manuscript 512 that I drafted yesterday. Composed in 1754, the text purports to relate the discovery of a massive stone city in the east of Brazil, complete with an arch like that of Constantine, a pointing statue like the Augustus of Prima Porta (though obviously not inspired by it, having been discovered only in 1863) and other heroic images, and massive houses akin to Nero’s Domus Aurea. I faulted author David Grann for omitting much of the detail from the text in describing it in his Lost City of Z (2009), but only after translating the whole text did I realize just how ridiculous the manuscript really is.

If you’re interested, Harold Wilkins, a UFO and lost white race theorist, published an English translation of the manuscript in his Mysteries of Ancient South America (1945), but he wasn’t completely familiar with eighteenth century regional Portuguese dialects, so he missed a few details. For example, he translated the word fumines as “smokes” and entered a note expressing confusion over why an abandoned city would have smoke as a “sign” of its civilization. The word, I learned, is a dialect variant of chimines, influenced by fumar (“smoke”), and actually means “chimneys.” The author almost certainly had a European city in mind, much as when Shakespeare mistakenly described ancient Rome as having “chimney-tops” in Julius Caesar. As I learned in the comments below, Mrs. Richard Burton translated the text, unbeknownst to Wilkins (who claimed to be the first), in 1865 and her husband published it in 1869.
Anyway, let’s move on to something else. One thing I’ve noted multiple times is how the modern ancient astronaut theory tends to exempt Jesus from being a space alien, unlike all the other gods and heroes of religion and myth. Arthur C. Clarke mentioned the idea in Rendezvous with Rama (1972), where a cult worships Christ as a cosmonaut. But the Catholic Erich von Däniken, for example, told Playboy magazine “I am asked questions by people who say Jesus was an astronaut. That makes me laugh. I’m definitely sure Jesus had nothing to do with astronauts, and I want to say so once and for all.” His version of ancient astronautics, which, as his book Miracles of the Gods showed, made room for Jesus and faith, influenced Ancient Aliens and the semi-spiritual incarnation of the ancient astronaut theory.

But this isn’t the only version. As early as the 1950s, the FBI began tracking UFO preachers who claimed that religious figures were really space aliens. For example, George Van Tassel of the Ministry of Universal Wisdom, claimed Yahweh was from Venus, as was Mary. According to a 1960 FBI report,
He said that JESUS was born of MARY, who was a space person sent here already pregnant in order to show the earth people the proper way to live. He said the space people have watched over us through the years and have tried to help us. He said they have sent their agents to the earth and they appear just as we do; however, they have the power to know your thoughts just as JESUS did. He said this is their means of communication and many of the space people are mute, but they train a certain number of them to speak earth languages.
Now that’s all well and good, but it doesn’t really hit the level of crazy we expect from a really good ancient astronaut theory. That’s why I was so pleased that archaeologist Ken Feder sent me some pages from the May 1977 edition of Official UFO magazine’s Ancient Astronauts special edition, of which I had never heard. I had no idea that there was an ancient astronaut magazine! The cover story that month featured a drawing of Jesus in a NASA space suit and…. well, you’ll be amazed at what the magazine concluded.

Unfortunately, I don’t know who wrote the article on Jesus—I’ve asked Feder if he has the article’s cover page and will update this if I get the name—but there are claims in there that are too good not to share. It starts off soberly enough (by ancient astronaut standards) by mining the New Testament for evidence that Jesus was an astronaut. Matthew 28:2-3 the author explains as a human in a white spacesuit descending from a spaceship using a rocket pack: “And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it. His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow.” The angel-astronaut seemed bright because, the author says, he had a search light attached to his helmet. The Resurrection, the author says, was performed on Jesus by astronauts to impress the Hebrews.

OK, so far this is just standard ancient astronaut nonsense, albeit applied to Jesus rather than, say, Gilgamesh. But it gets better! In order to set up the climax, I need to introduce two pieces of evidence for consideration. First, former NASA employee Josef F. Blumrich identified the conveyance of God in the Book of Ezekiel as a spacecraft in his 1974 book The Spaceships of Ezekiel, and the resulting design from his “reconstruction” of the spacecraft bore a passing resemblance to the basic design of the Apollo-era Lunar Excursion Modules, known as LEMs.
Picture
Apollo-Era Lunar Excursion Module
Picture
The "Spaceship of Ezekiel."
Secondly, in 1968, the Rod Serling-penned Planet of the Apes move proposed that American astronauts, through the magic of physics, could travel through time and end up mixed up in archaeological mysteries, albeit those of the future.

With that in mind, let’s proceed to Ancient Astronauts magazine’s conclusions about Jesus:
From evidence in the Old Testament we are aware that astronauts came here from a future earth and disguised themselves and their spaceships as a deity. So the Kingdom of God is the kingdom of the spacemen. Since the astronauts’ space vehicle resembles the American LEM and was identified by a NASA engineer, the reader should have no trouble deducing what the Kingdom of God is. It is THE UNITED STATES OF AMERCIA!! Yes! American spaceships landed on earth 4000 years ago!

And Jesus and the angels were American astronauts! After all, didn’t Jesus say He would return to this planet? As a U.S. spaceman, he would indeed come back.
And there you have it! Jesus was American, and America is God’s own Kingdom! It’s almost the perfect synthesis of American fringe history’s obsessions all at the same time. It explains UFOs, glorifies America, and grants a supposedly scientific reason to continue venerating Jesus. It is an Apollo-era cousin to the claim that secret Templar land claims mark America as godly country, and a space age update to the Book of Mormon placing Jesus in America to give divine sanction to Euro-American possession of the land.

I can’t imagine why this claim didn’t take off in the fringe literature. In fact, I can’t see that anyone ever referred to this article again. A missed opportunity indeed!

83 Comments
Graham
8/29/2014 05:23:30 am

I have very vague memories of a 60's comedy series which involved American Astronauts ending up in the Stone Age, which may (And I stress may...) be the origin of such claims.

Reply
Harry
8/29/2014 08:41:43 am

"It's About Time" someone mentioned that show.

I pointed out in a prior post that, as a simple matter of logic, if the God of Israel is an alien and Jesus is his Son, then Jesus must be an alien, too! (Note that I do not accept the premises and therefore do not accept the conclusion.)

Reply
EP
8/29/2014 08:51:37 am

Or at least a human-alien hybrid...

Also, as a matter of simple logic it is possible to accept the conclusion without accepting the premises :)

Graham
8/29/2014 08:26:28 pm

What were the years it aired?

Harry
8/30/2014 12:36:35 am

I had to look it up, but "It's About Time" aired for one season in 1966-67 (gives you an idea how old I am that I remember watching it).

It was created by the producer of "Gilligan's Island," that better known show about Americans being stranded in primitive conditions.

Norman link
9/9/2014 01:10:19 pm

Is "http://d01.megashares.com/dl/QIKIk2p/The Infinite Concept of Cosmic Creation by Dr. Ernest L. Norman.pdf" related maybe...?

Reply
EP
9/10/2014 07:56:42 am

How is a guy who thought he was a reincarnation of Jesus related to 1960s comedies, exactly?

Cesar Assis
8/29/2014 05:29:36 am

The first translation of Manuscrip 512 was published by explorer and writer Richard Francis Burton, probably in Explorations of The Highlands of Brazil (1869). I think his wife translated it when they lived in Brazil for some time.


As for Fawcett no mystery since 1957, when his son Brian Fawcett published the book Ruins in the Sky showing that his father was searching geologial ruiniform natural formations.

Brian personally flew some of these pseudo-cities when in Brazil searching for his brother.


Reply
EP
8/29/2014 06:03:23 am

Cesar, you've been repeating these claims about geological formations. How do they square with the fact that a group of large ancient settlements was found several years ago in the area where Fawcett disappeared?

Reply
Cesar Assis
8/29/2014 07:23:12 am

The earth works of today Xingu Park (where the Fawcetts disappeared in 1925) are known since the arrival of Brazilian explorers, the Villas Boas brothers in the 1940s. Since the 1950s the Brazilian government sent archeologists to study them and concluded that they were not natural formations, but human made.

There is an anthropologist from Florida that purposes to have discovered a “civilization” there. But try to find in his book or website (http://www.clas.ufl.edu/users/mheck/) a single not retouched photo. Try to find artistic ceramics, he did not find a single one, only fragmented shelves of utilitarian unartistic ceramics. No old civilization.

In the State of Acre (Northwestern Brazil) in the Amazon there are very impressive earth works, but they are many thousands km afar from the Fawcett (Xingu Park) area.

EP
8/29/2014 07:30:43 am

So let me get this straight. You're accusing a tenured professor of anthropology at a major university of fraud because his findings disagree with a book written by an amateur more than 50 years ago.

Right?

spookyparadigm
8/29/2014 08:18:09 am

Villas Boas? In the 1940s?

Is that a common name in Brazil? Or are these brothers at all related to the infamous sexy-time with hairy dwarves UFO abduction?

spookyparadigm
8/29/2014 08:19:44 am

Interesting, had not looked into this case before

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villas-B%C3%B4as_brothers

EP
8/29/2014 08:22:43 am

Villas-Bôas brothers are the activists. Vilas-Boas is the contactee.

Only Me
8/29/2014 09:23:59 am

Cesar, I followed the link you provided and viewed the photos that were available. Can you explain to me how you know the photos were retouched? Also, have you been to the site or talked with someone who has? If you're going to accuse an archaeologist of manipulating or manufacturing evidence, I hope you realize that is a serious charge that requires serious proof.

So, explain to me how "utilitarian unartistic ceramics" equals no old civilization. Are you saying, in order to qualify as a civilization, all of the resident's items-even the utilitarian ones-must be works of art?

Jason Colavito link
8/29/2014 08:06:46 am

Thanks for tat information, Cesar. I wasn't aware of Mrs. Burton's translation in her husband's book, and apparently neither was Wilkins, who claimed he was the first to translate it. I've updated the text accordingly. How interesting that Mrs. Burton got the chimneys right!

Reply
Cesar Assis
8/29/2014 01:59:26 pm



When I wrote about the photographs of the Florida professor I was referring to the aerial photos.

He inflates things a bit and I apologize for any rhetorical excesses.

Thanks

EP
8/29/2014 02:04:19 pm

Could you point out one thing that he "inflates" and provide a better explanation? (Leaving aside the irony of you complaining of anyone inflating anything...)

Byron DeLear link
8/29/2014 06:10:27 am

Interesting remark on the semiotics of the word "smoke" ----

"For example, he translated the word fumines as “smokes” and entered a note expressing confusion over why an abandoned city would have smoke as a “sign” of its civilization."

Reminds of the original name for Los Angeles, or perhaps, the San Fernando Valley: "The Native American name for Los Angeles was Yang na, which translates into 'the valley of smoke.'" The surrounding environment trapped smoke in the area very easily, even in the pre-industrial, pre-fossil fuel smog era.

http://webarchive.iiasa.ac.at/Admin/PUB/Documents/IR-98-077.pdf

And regarding Jesus as space alien, recently re-watching the Superman reboot, Man of Steel, I was struck by the quantity of messianic allusion, Supie posing as if on crucifix, religious imagery framing his visage, etc. etc. Even the script, at one point, the Kryptonian female subcommander says, in an evil growl, 'we have an evolutionary advantage over you [Superman] because we don't care about the lives of these Earthlings --- evolution always wins.'

It's no wonder evangelicals are predisposed to digging on Superman, they have been programmed to really love the model and frame --- even before the "red meat" of lines like this delivered by dark clad, cruel villains.

Jason, have you written about Superman / Jesus before?

He is kinda the modern archetype for space alien messiah, non?

Reply
EP
8/29/2014 06:15:11 am

Your use of words like 'semiotics' and 'archetype'... It reminds me of someone...

Reply
EP
8/29/2014 06:19:47 am

Also, Jesus is obviously Wolverine, everyone knows that:

http://i.somethingawful.com/u/garbageday/2014/phriday/bible_superheroes/ROFLSAWS_01.png

Reply
Byron DeLear
8/29/2014 06:37:36 am

Hah! Just trying 'to make the familiar strange, and the strange familiar' --- and I'm glad EP that some of my words have made a small stake in your neuronal real estate...

EP
8/29/2014 07:06:48 am

Only by association with people you may or may not want to be associated with...

Byron DeLear
8/29/2014 07:36:31 am

Well, just so we're sure (I kinda get ur drift here now, ouch, btw), I get my 'archetypes' mostly from Jung and my 'semiotics' from Chomsky, Eco, and vexillology.

EP
8/29/2014 07:43:29 am

Just out of curiosity, which works of Chomsky have you read?

Byron DeLear
8/29/2014 09:39:38 am

I've followed him pretty closely, have many of his political works in my library, but regarding linguistics, I have Nature and Language, Language and Politics and a I think rare Studies of Semantics... of the poli books, Understanding Power, Profit Over People, and Propaganda and the Public Mind, which I think is a series of transcribed interviews with David Barsamian.

EP
8/29/2014 11:26:46 am

You mean Studies on Semantics in Transformational Grammar? It's not really rare, just expensive if you want to get a new copy.

It's quite a technical work, I'm surprised anyone would bother reading it unless they were interested in certain old scholarly debates in linguistics...

Dionysus Cassius LONGINUS
9/6/2014 08:51:43 am

G.T had me neo-platonically trapped in ethereal form
as a farie feye sprite inside the cramped quarters of
the cartoon bottle seen on the 1960s television series
I DREAM OF JEANNIE. it is only with a Titanic Herculean
effort we got the bottle cap taken off by remote viewing
and telekinesis so that i could escape and travel to the
Western Hemisphere from old Europe faster than the
Concorde. I think i know where that cheap motel room was...

it takes an effort to pull concepts circa 600 B.C into the
21st Century political arena of the modern Elephant cult
that is your GOP. i understand the other totemic tribal
animal is rather like a mule? or a horse? and its a three
letter word that we add 'jack' or 'jenny" to? as in @$$?

Cesar Assis
8/29/2014 06:15:37 am

The lost city of Manuscript 512 was not located in the Amazon, but in the Northeastern state of Bahia, that don’t have anything to do with the Amazon, being thousands of km afar from the place the Fawcetts disappeared.

The 512 lost city is not the City of Z. Fawcett believed in many hidden cities, the Lost City of Z was the capital and the 512 city was a distant outpost closer to the Atlantic coast.

Here a description of the City of Z in the words of Fawcett:

“I expect the ruins to be monolithic in character, more ancient than the oldest Egyptian discoveries. Judging by inscriptions found in many parts of Brazil, the inhabitants used an alphabetical writing allied to many ancient European and Asian scripts. There are rumors, too, of a strange source of light in the buildings, a phenomenon that filled with terror the Indians who claimed to have seen it.

The central place I call ‘Z’ - our main objective - is in a valley surmounted by lofty mountains. The valley is about ten miles wide, and the city is on an eminence in the middle of it, approached by a barrelled roadway of stone. The houses are low and windowless, and there is a pyramidal temple. The inhabitants of the place are fairly numerous, they keep domestic animals, and they have well-developed mines in the surrounding hills. Not far away is a second town, but the people living in it are of an inferior order to those of "Z." Farther to the south is another large city, half buried and completely destroyed.”
http://www.catchpenny.org/fawcett.html

Reply
EP
8/29/2014 06:23:31 am

But there is like 20 ancient towns in the area where Fawcett was in fact looking, which have only recently been unearthed. I have no idea why he was looking somewhere so far from where Ms 512 told him to look, but people went looking for him where he disappeared. Which is also where the ancient towns were found. The claim about him looking for geological formations is mistaken.

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Cesar Assis
8/29/2014 07:38:09 am

Brian Fawcett, the surviving son, was in Brazil searching for his brother Jack. He flew over the supposed ancient ruins:

“Was I right in coming to this conclusion? Was it not possible that here in fact were remains of a very ancient occupation site - a huge metropolis of some forgotten civilization? No, we had seen clearly enough how the thin top soil had gradually fallen away to disclose a belt of conglomerate, and we had seen the progressive erosion of this until it culminated in the seven pseudo 'cities.' The formation, probably deltaic, incorporated those convincing courses of masonry; wind and rain had slowly carved them up into the semblance of manmade edifices. Sete Cidades, the city linking Brazil with Atlantis, was an illusion. My father had believed implicitly in its genuineness, and I wondered if he would have pursued his quest to his undoing had he visited it before the fatal expedition.” (Brian Fawcett, Ruins in the Sky, pp. 295-295).

“Yes, it was all here, exactly as described - from the strategically placed forts by the river to the pectinated summits of the cliffs, it was all here - but our vantage point showed us clearly enough that man had no part in its making... Thirty years is a long time. Had so many years not passed since my father's disappearance I might have felt more bitter than I did about the futility of his fate and that of the others - three lives lost or ruined in the quest for an objective that never existed in fact... One part of my mission was accomplished; I now know the secret of the Brazilian 'Lost Cities.” (Brian Fawcett, Ruins in the Sky, pp. 300-301).

http://www.catchpenny.org/fawcett.html

EP
8/29/2014 07:41:14 am

Yes, yes. Clearly conclusive evidence that could never be overturned by present-day professional archaeologists.

Jason Colavito link
8/29/2014 08:13:04 am

EP, I'm not sure what you're trying to do here. Fawcett was looking for large stone cities, and his son concluded that he was chasing geological formations. He had no way of knowing there were once (non-stone) medieval-era earthworks in the Amazon (nor would he likely have recognized them had he found them), so the existence by coincidence of such villages doesn't prove that Fawcett went to the area for the right reasons, or was right to believe in prehistoric stone cities.

EP
8/29/2014 08:17:37 am

That is not at all what I'm saying. Whether Fawcett went to the area for the right reasons has nothing to do with whether the findings made in the area recently are genuine, which is what Cesar seems to be questioning. He said above:

" There is an anthropologist from Florida that purposes to have discovered a “civilization” there. But try to find in his book or website (http://www.clas.ufl.edu/users/mheck/) a single not retouched photo. Try to find artistic ceramics, he did not find a single one, only fragmented shelves of utilitarian unartistic ceramics. No old civilization."

EP
8/29/2014 08:26:58 am

Also, it's far from clear that it's a coincidence. Percy Fawcett was likely guided in his search by information from the natives (who appear to be cultural descendents of the Kuhikugu civilization).

Uncle Ron
8/29/2014 09:38:06 am

While reading your translation of Manuscript 512 I was struck by how similar it was to something Lovecraft might have written. I kept waiting for the discovery of a stairway descending into some dark underground labyrinth. : )

Reply
Only Me
8/29/2014 09:51:00 am

That was in one of the parts the worms had eaten :)

Reply
EP
8/29/2014 10:56:06 am

Y'all should look at Gregorio Garcia's The Origin of the Indians of the New World (1607).

Available at Muscatonic University Special Collections. Knowledge (Pseudohistory) +3, SAN loss 1/1D3 :)

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Shane Sullivan
8/29/2014 02:13:39 pm

I thought that too.

"On the right side of this square stood a superb building, likely the principle house of some lord of the land; the entrance hall is large, but still scared many of us did not enter, …. and retreat ......... to form some ................... we encountered ................... mass of extraordinary ....................... non-euclidean ....... octopus-like head ......... dear God, they're coming for us! ............"

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Jason Colavito link
8/29/2014 02:29:35 pm

It is very Lovecraftian, isn't it? I think one of the reasons Lovecraftian fiction was so effective is that it reflected a lot of real life narratives that were more familiar back then than they are today, when accounts of exploration were more widely read.

Your quote caught my principle/principal typo. I fixed it.

As Above, So Below
8/29/2014 02:45:16 pm

A recent "Secrets of the Dead" episode on Colonel Fawcett
suggests that he was murdered for his personal belongings,
and that the expedition was killed for what they had with
them. A few days earlier, they had met with the elders of a
village before going deeper into the jungle. An object did
turn up later in a curious way in a second hand shop that
had belonged to Percy Fawcett. It had a loose trail to it.

http://kosmo.hubpages.com/hub/Where-Are-You--Colonel-Fawcett

Only Me
8/29/2014 03:38:38 pm

Actually, Dickey, the Kalapalos tribe were among the last to see Fawcett's party, and assumed they had been killed by local tribes.

As to his personal affects, a nameplate of his was found among a tribe in 1927, and a theodolite compass was discovered in Mato Grasso close to the Baciary Indians. The nameplate was from an expedition five years earlier and probably a gift to the chief. The compass had been left behind before he continued on his final journey. It's entirely possible other affects could have been found since he disappeared.

Murder is possible, but the most likely explanation is that the expedition died from natural causes. Both his son and his son's friend, Raleigh Rimmell, were last seen to be lame and ill.

As Above, So Below
8/29/2014 07:12:37 pm

"Secrets of the Dead" clearly played up the angle that
somebody followed him into the jungle and did away
with him, and may have played up the speculations on
his hidden motives. If we look at things as having a ceiling
and a floor, he knew the odds were he'd simply find more
jungle, but he did have hopes of finding a hidden city
away from the foothills of the Andes because of the way
ruins had been found in the Yucatan. "Secrets" did add a
murder mystery element, and played it up. The compass
seems pivotal to the new speculation. The readers in the
1920s tended to believe the jungle had swallowed them up.
I am not so sure he was certain he could find ruins to rival
the Mayas, or El Dorado or even a Theosopy City "Z" but if
he never went in deep into the jungle, he never rules this out.

As Above, So Below link
8/29/2014 02:27:48 pm

Hiram Bingham in 1911 had read old manuscripts and followed up on folktales.

Percy Fawcett came very close to finding something as significant.

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/1913/04/machu-picchu/bingham-text

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Only Me
8/29/2014 03:45:41 pm

Not likely. Manuscript 512 clearly puts the lost city in the interior of Bahia. Fawcett came to believe "Z" was located in Mato Grosso.

As Cesar said, he wasn't even close to where the manuscript placed the lost city. Depending on which set of coordinates Fawcett provided for Dead Horse Camp you choose to follow, his "drop-off point" was roughly centered between Mato Grosso and Bahia.

Reply
As Above, So Below
8/29/2014 07:21:39 pm

The "Secrets of the Dead" episode talked of he and his wife
having a secret code. The location of "X" or "Z" is contingent
on there being a code that redirects people away from the
more obvious location. If he had the means to estimate where
they were each leg of the expedition, had he been more of
a success, had he returned alive, he could have easily retraced
his footsteps. The basic idea was to explore and then have a
way to return.The literature exaggerates what he hoped to
find. His actual goals may have been more prosaic or realistic.
The newspapers Charles Fort liked to clip his stories from did
revel in hyperbole and tall tale spinning. "Secrets" stripped
some of this away and then added something new to it. If
much of the Amazon had civilizations over the past 5,000
years, we can expect to find remnants of this even today...

Only Me
8/29/2014 07:35:51 pm

In that case, Myth Hunters did a better episode. When Fawcett was forced to stay at home, due to lack of interest and funding, he lamented about his activities during his 24 years of marriage. Between his service in the war and his exploration, he had spent only 10 at home, IIRC. With that much time away, I find it hard to believe they would have a secret code.

While ruins in jungles certainly exist, finding them can be near impossible. In India, for example, the jungle has literally grown over many ruins. Sharp eyes and a lot of time spent looking might reveal them, but not often.

Cesar Assis
8/30/2014 12:22:18 pm

Only Me, at some point in the XIX century about twenty tribes of the Upper Xingu River established a peace agreement, now known as pax xinguana. There would be no real war, only ceremonial war. While the Fawcett group was in pax xinguana territory they were relatively safe. When Fawcett was leaving this territory their Indian friends warned that he was entering an area in constant war.

But Fawcett continued toward the northeast, heading for Bahia. He wanted to find the lost city of Z between Mato Grosso and Bahia.

Thanks

EP
8/30/2014 12:32:15 pm

Cesar, is there any chance of you providing us with an instance of Michael Heckenberger "inflating" his findings? Thanks!

Only Me
8/30/2014 01:03:09 pm

Thanks for the info, Cesar. Yet another reason the "murder angle" doesn't hold true for me. Death from hostile natives, possibly; death from someone wanting his stuff, not so much. Especially when you consider Fawcett made it a point to bring gifts during his explorations.

EP
8/29/2014 05:00:56 pm

Jason, I think I know why you "can’t see that anyone ever referred to this article again." It probably has to do with the fact that Official UFO was published by Myrion Fass:

http://www.badmags.com/bmmyronfass.html

Just a few of representative covers:

http://www.badmags.com/images/myronfass/officialUFOv3n5jun78.jpg
http://www.badmags.com/images/myronfass/ancientastronutsv5n3.jpg
http://www.badmags.com/images/myronfass/ufo2.jpg
http://www.badmags.com/images/myronfass/anastro.jpg

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EP
8/29/2014 05:04:50 pm

It is really worth the trouble to read all the covers. Myron Fass was fucking awesome! :)

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Clint Knapp
8/29/2014 06:20:53 pm

Ed Koch reveals alien nest under the Empire State Building?! Way more believable than anything AA's peddling these days. Nice artwork all around, though. For a late-seventies UFO spoof rag, anyway.

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EP
8/29/2014 06:47:53 pm

I think their big sensational story was the running gag that aliens destroyed Chester, IL. Some geniuses are still discussing it:

http://www.alien-ufos.com/ufo-alien-discussions/38663-saucers-loot-burn-chester-illinois.html

Only Me
8/29/2014 07:24:47 pm

Dear God, I can't stop laughing!

"Official UFO's Offices Destroyed By Armed Alien Attack!" They must have returned later, rebuilt the offices and forgot to use the amnesia ray...like they did in Chester, Illinois.

"Space Visitor Ripped Apart By Illiterate Southern Mob" He must not have been a Nordic or Pleiadian :)

My favorite: "Outer Space Aliens Are In Your TV Set". Yes, they have a show called Ancient Aliens. Fantastic find, EP!

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EP
8/29/2014 07:33:54 pm

They also features stories about their editorial staff's adventures (kidnappings, being imprisoned in a mental hospital, going into vision-inducing coma, having alien glyphs appear on their skin, etc.)

My personal favorite: "Earth Dumping Ground of Berserk Cancer Cells from Alien Dimension!"

Only Me
8/29/2014 07:42:54 pm

Nah, hands down, it has to be "Space Gods Are Impregnating Earth Women! They Have Fatherless Births!"...as opposed to explosive births from space goddesses being impregnated by earth men :)

EP
8/29/2014 07:47:22 pm

Countrywide Publications gave *negative* fucks!

666
8/29/2014 11:23:25 pm

I've been in touch with Jesus and he told me it's all true

EP
8/30/2014 03:37:50 am

Show us on the doll where Jesus touched you, 666.

Only Me
8/30/2014 12:09:06 pm

@EP

Got a damn good chuckle from that!

There's really no need to even give the troll the time of day. He doesn't believe in *anything*, remember? That means he doesn't believe in the excuses or personal motivations that compel him to leave moronic statements.

Truly pitiable.

EP
8/30/2014 12:14:54 pm

I believe in Myron Fass! And that polyester fabrics are driving us insane! Countrywide 4 Lyfe! Free Editor-in-Chief Jeff Goodman!

Only Me
8/30/2014 01:05:41 pm

But, EP! Do you...Bo-lieve?!

EP
8/30/2014 01:13:45 pm

No, but I am a Belieber!

spookyparadigm
8/30/2014 06:19:21 am

Some of the covers are hilarious. But generally, what a huge creep. His father honestly worked in the sewers. He apparently decided to replicate that experience in his publishing work.

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EP
8/30/2014 07:31:16 am

Yeah, "Cheerleaders Who Are Wet for Rape!" is kinda going too far.
However the UFO stuff is brilliant if read as comedy.

The real mystery now is whether Ken Feder was trolling Jason :)

Jason Colavito link
8/30/2014 09:48:14 am

I assumed it was tabloid level garbage, not an academic treatise! But in tabloid claims, and even satire, underlying subtext is often made into text and tells us something about the people who consume these claims.

EP
8/30/2014 09:58:02 am

I was kidding, just so we're clear :)

And I completely agree with you about there being a subtext to the special status of Jesus in the AA literature.

(It is worth noting that Jesus has often been treated as an extra- or ultra-terrestrial in UFO cults, which had no pretensions even to popular scholarship's level...)

terry the censor
8/30/2014 09:34:21 am

I have 21 issues of Official UFO (10 of them are the Ancient Astronauts specials). Owing to their rotten reputation, I have not read them, just looked at the table of contents for articles of interest.

The mag's legacy is complicated.

It seems Official UFO started out like any other UFO mag, with serious articles by well-known buffs (George Fawcett, Kevin Randle, Jim Lorenzen, Ray Fowler, Richard Hall, Lucius Farish, Jerome Clark, Vince Gaddis, George Earley), by some less-credible persons (Wendelle Stevens, Don Berliner, Richard Shaver), but also the occasional skeptic (James Oberg, Robert Sheaffer's ground-breaking critique of the Hill case).

But sometime in the fall of 1977, all those "name" writers were replaced entirely by a list of nobodies (pseudonyms?) I have never seen cited by anyone everywhere. And the articles got real stupid, as others have noted.

I could not tell you why this happened.

Reply
EP
8/30/2014 09:53:31 am

Terry, could you please list some issues that you think are more serious? Because I have not been able to find a single one that's different in kind from the "Pornstar Having Bigfoot's Love Child!" fare we've been discussing...

terry the censor
8/30/2014 11:27:48 am

> Terry, could you please list some issues that you think are more serious?

(I should have put "serious" in quotation marks -- we are talking about a UFO mag, after all.)

The mag seems to have started in early 1975. Ufologists would have considered the content and writers to be respectable. A few examples:

Official UFO, Vol 1, No 4, Nov 1975
George Fawcett reports on the UFO wave in North Carolina. There is an analysis of the Rand Corp's 1968 UFO analysis. George Earley has a four-page interview with Phil Klass.

Official UFO, Vol 1, No 5, January 1976
Richard Hall writes about the declassified Robertson Panel report. There is a history of APRO. Fowler has an article, "Telepathy and a UFO--coincidence or contact?" An article about UFO investigation approves a long list of mundane explanations.

Official UFO, Vol 1, No 10, August 1976
Randle discusses the physical evidence for UFOs. Jerome Clark poo-poos such evidence and advocates for a "paraphysical" explanation. Richard Hall gives a sober assessment of contactee claims. And a youthful Robert Sheaffer has a long, critical piece about the Hill abduction case (it gets top billing on the cover).

The usual stuff. But then something weird happens:

Official UFO Special, Ancient Astronauts, Vol 3, No 6, Nov 1977
"UFOnauts promise instant wealth," "Poet transported to alien pleasure world," and an article about an alien found under the Empire State building, including staged photos.

Official UFO, Vol 2, No 7, December 1977
"New UFO religion holds key to man's salvation," "UFO investigators attacked by monstrous alien creature," "UFO abductions by spirit-snatching aliens."

Official UFO, Vol 3, No 1, January 1978
"Men in Black ransack Official UFO's secret files," "Men in Black erase astronomer's memory," "Space aliens take over TV airwaves."

Official UFO Special, Ancient Astronauts, Vol 4, No 2, February 1978
A cover article about a captured alien meeting with government officials. The alien has a mysterious equation written on his forehead which he claims can produce eternal life. There are pictures of all of this!

Official UFO, Vol 3, No 2, March 1978
"Secret brain transplant of top U.S. official," "Secret saucer factory discovered in New England."

Official UFO, Vol 3, No 3, April 1978
"Jimmy Carter's meeting with space aliens," "Left-handed people might be aliens."

Et cetera.

EP
8/30/2014 11:49:52 am

Thanks a lot, Terry! This is awesome!

"I should have put "serious" in quotation marks"

Nah, I think it's implied that all we're going for is anything above the level of Elvis clones :)

"But then something weird happens"

I bet it had something to do with the fact that Fass severed his partnership with Stanley Harris right around that time (possibly getting into a fistfight with and/or shooting a gun at him in the process). Harris, if I'm not mistaken, is the one who was at least somewhat interested in building respectable publications, while Fass only cared about sales figures.

Ancient Astronauts (an offshoot of Official UFO) was entirely Fass's project from the beginning. (One of their issues advertises an interview with von Daniken - I wonder if it's fake, if he went along, or if he got tricked somehow...)

terry the censor
8/30/2014 03:56:25 pm

> One of their issues advertises an interview with von Daniken

Yes, in the very first AA special issue. I also wondered if it was real, because the interviewer is James Oberg! But it reads right. There is a picture of Oberg and von Daniken together, and von Daniken makes all the claims I've read here on Jason's blog.

terry the censor
8/30/2014 07:07:38 am

> Unfortunately, I don’t know who wrote the article on Jesus

Ronald A. Pokatiloff. This seems to be a real name, as the Library of Congress has a 1977 listing for a pamphlet by Pokatiloff.

Reply
EP
8/30/2014 08:06:52 am

This is indeed a real person, though I can't find the 1977 pamphlet "Was God a future American spaceship?", so I can't check whether it's the same text as the article in Official UFO.

Ronald Pokatiloff is awesome, by the way. He is also a shortwave radio enthusiast, who edited Radio Equipment Review newsletter in the 1980s and compiled a giant database of shortwave broadcasters. He is also an airplane nerd, who brings his obvious mental illness to the game:

"THE GAUGE THAT KILLED BUDDY HOLLY YOU NEED: BUDHOLLY.ZIP D1CP2K.ZIP. THIS DOWNLOAD EXPLAINS THE MAIN REASON FOR THE PLANE CRASH THAT KILLED BUDDY HOLLY RITCHIE VALENS THE BIG BOPPER AND THE PILOT. ALSO INCLUDED IS INFO ON FIXING THE PLANE PANEL TO INCLUDE THE KILLER GAUGE"

"Our Universe Is A Flight Simulator Of The Future. Would you believe that a million tiny subatomic computers may exist on one of your fingers! The computer s size is 10 to the minus 33 centimeters, with a mass of a small grain of dust! (Extremely massive on a subatomic level!)"

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EP
8/30/2014 08:41:06 am

Ronald Pokatiloff also writes creepy erotic fiction under the pen name Richard Polk:

http://www.writers-network.com/index.cgi?view=26285
http://smart-detective-sue.blogspot.ca/

In case anyone wants to write him for a copy of his 1977 pamphlet, a couple of his emails are easy to find.

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terry the censor
8/30/2014 07:12:47 am

> "It's About Time" aired for one season in 1966-67

Here's episode 1. It includes cavemen and dinosaurs living at the same time PLUS the most excessive use of a laugh track I have ever heard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ogIHliJaA

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BillUSA
8/30/2014 10:16:43 am

Don't give them any ideas Jason.

A couple of things that aroused a response from me are the idea that Mary was a Venusian and the Ezekiel craft resembles a LEM.

Where would Mary have come from had we known in 1950 what the Soviets discovered once they began to successfully land a series of their Venera probes on Venus beginning in 1967. A sulphuric atmosphere that would easily crush an unprotected human into a puddle of goo would take some explaining. Not to mention how an unprotected Venusian could so easily adapt to Earth's gentle atmosphere.

I could draw the LEM from memory since the Space Program so enthused me as a youngster in the late 60's, and I just don't see the resemblance to the Ezekiel craft or vice versa. I mean, other than being space transportation vehicles for their respective populations, they are as related as a tug boat is to a helicopter.

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terry the censor
8/30/2014 11:59:51 am

> A sulphuric atmosphere that would easily crush an unprotected human into a puddle of goo would take some explaining.

George King of the Aetherius Society claimed in his 1950s books that Mars and such were lush, habitable planets. He said Jesus was from Venus. A couple years ago, I went to a talk by an Aetherian fellow, and he ret-conned the story, adding an "etheric plane" to these planets, but neglecting to tell his audience about the original version.

Ernest Norman of Unarius fame did much the same thing. In his 1956 book, The Infinite Concept of Cosmic Creation, he stated humans can be incarnated on other planets in our solar system. He thought the clouds of Venus were there to keep out "prying eyes." However, a 1970 addendum tries to explain away scientific findings of lethal heat and gases on Venus by claiming people could live there if they were composed of "interdimensional energies." This explains how Venusians could survive the conditions of Venus, and why Earth probes would NOT see these people or their grand cities.

Great stuff!

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EP
8/30/2014 12:11:43 pm

I'm surprised Aetherius Society is still around. Do you have any idea whether Mark-Age is still ticking as well?

terry the censor
8/30/2014 03:46:49 pm

@EP
I was surprised too when I saw the notice for the lecture. I'd heard of Aetherius but none of my UFO books had any recent info and there was no real online commentary at the time. But there is an Aetherius Society branch up here in Toronto, I just don't know if it's more than one lone guy and a few curious onlookers.

Sorry, I never heard of Mark-Age.

EP
8/30/2014 03:50:21 pm

They are channeling that stewardess who starved to death waiting for the alien apocalypse or something.

(Typing out that sentence literally made me sad.)

merushka
10/11/2014 07:10:49 am

I'm going to give it to you straight up. Jesus is not an astronaut he was an ordinary angel who was given a position in heaven like a commander trainer of the angels he was very beautiful he became obsessed to the point that he wanted to be God he is Not the son of God an angel he transgressed and blasphemed against the holy spirit the laws of heaven he was exiled kicked out of heaven never to return he was kicked out onto the spirit world within the earth his real name is michael he is a fallen angel he created diff religions to infest himself into the lives of many he is very calculating he is referred to as the morning star revelations he could not have been carried by anyone angels cannot be reincarnated only gods and if u were a god u would not be able to be carried by a female etc woman Gods don't have mothers and fathers they are creators he refers to himself to the prodigal son in the bible he thinks he can't trick his way back into heaven not doable the new world order has been existence for the past 3 thousand years not recently there has been numerous anti christs fallen angels can inhibit humans easily mary was another fallen angel her full name is mary magdelene she instigated him in heaven but they are a lot alike both twisted he wants to stop judgment day he has a sick notion that by stopping judgment day he can build an army overthrow heaven give the fallen redemption an be as god his a sick puppy you do not have to believe me read between the lines he was crucified he is the very devil himself there are no such things as ufo etc all created by him an his kind with the illuminati even john todd himself stated that jesus is in fact the devil they worship anyone that exalts himself above God is an imposter the holy spirit is God there is no trinity if you look at the star of bethlehem an split it into it makes two triangles the eye of horus demon God they are not gods but in their minds they are goodluck with finding the truth the bible wasn't written by god god will speak through ones spirit only the ten commandments are truthful everything else a distorted lie he is worshipped in all religions I was stunned when I discovered the truth but not surprised an no one has been to heaven the only way one can go up is when your dead the pure in heart goes to a spirit plane called the new earth this earth when judgment comes will not be restored too much evil one cannot build something pure and new upon destruction hell doesn't exist yet the lost who died are awaiting their judgment like the fallen angels its like cells underground in a spirit place very evil the earth will become a lake of fire why do you think the floods earthquakes volcanoes the earth is preparing itself to make place for its judgment which will take place soon those who pray pray directly to God whom is the true an only I am God bless

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