Attention Ancient Aliens: Suggestions for More Fake Evidence

This past week History’s Ancient Aliens used not one but two known hoaxes as actual “evidence” for alien intervention in America’s founding. Since the standard of evidence used by television’s so-called “experts” is now complete fabrication, I have a list of some other “evidence” that ancient astronaut theorists should be sure to use in upcoming episodes:

Lucian’s True History
The ancient satirist Lucian wrote a treatise describing how a water spout (surely an alien tractor beam) carried his ship to the moon where he was forced to do battle with aliens. This ancient text is a firsthand account of an extraterrestrial moon base. Sure, Lucian claims his True History is merely “fiction,” but when hunting aliens we all know that “historians” and “scientists” use the word “fiction” to keep us from learning the truth!

The 1835 discovery of aliens on the moon
In 1835, New York Sun reporter Richard Adams Locke “reported” on the discovery of a civilization of bat-winged aliens living on the moon. According to Locke, the evidence was printed in a (non-existent) scientific journal article by John Herschell. There were even drawings. Sure, this hoax was “debunked” shortly after its publication, but that shouldn’t stop ancient astronaut theorists. Obviously, these were the aliens Lucian had written about. Aliens! On the moon! History Channel gold.

The Cardiff Giant
The Bible says there were “giants in the earth in those days” (Gen. 6:4), and we all know the “giants” were genetically engineered alien spawn. Where better to “prove” their existence than with the 1869 “discovery” of the Cardiff Giant, a petrified stone man? Sure, this hoax was “debunked” by “scientists” shortly after the giant was put on display, but that shouldn’t stop ancient astronaut theorists. Some carnival hucksters continued to proclaim its reality into the twentieth century, so that should be good enough for the History Channel!

The canals on Mars
Percival Lowell was a famous scientist, so if he saw evidence of aliens it must be true! Lowell claimed to see canals on the surface of Mars, prompting him to speculate about an advanced civilization using canals to water the dry planet’s surface. While later “research” by “scientists” “proved” that the canals were simply an artifact of blurry, low resolution telescopes combined with wishful thinking, how can we reject a respected scientist’s conclusion that Mars has ancient aliens? Who are you going to believe, Ancient Aliens or your own eyes?