Editor's note: I'm taking today off for the Independence Day holiday. A version of the following post originally ran on July 4, 2014. It’s the Fourth of July, and if you’re in the United States, you know that this is the day that America celebrates its independence from the United Kingdom. You also probably have heard that “The U.S. is the greatest, best country God has ever given man on the face of the earth,” as Fox News host Sean Hannity famously put it in 2008. Not to be outdone by conservatives, fringe historians have also adopted American exceptionalism and routinely argue that what is today the United States has always been at the center of a global—nay, universal—agenda by Altanteans, aliens, and Freemasons to control the universe, sort of like the way the villains on Doctor Who have the whole universe to work with but usually seem to end up trying to conquer the U.K. Cynics might argue that fringe historians place so much emphasis on America—seemingly above even the ancient Near East and Puma Punku in Bolivia—because the U.S. is the single wealthiest consumer market for fringe history opinions (at least in the English language) in the world, producing and consuming more fringe history content than any other country, at least in gross tonnage. We even import it from other countries—including Giorgio Tsoukalos, Alan Butler, Graham Hancock, and their European brethren. North Korea may have crazier ideas about history, but they don’t have the population or the wealth to popularize their unicorn-riddled historiography.
So in honor of Independence Day, let’s dip into the archives to enjoy some of fringe history’s craziest claims about the “greatest, best country” the aliens, Atlanteans, or Freemasons ever gave humanity. Was America named for the secret goddess-star of the Knights Templar? Christopher Knight and Robert Lomas imagine the existence of a star named “Merica” and deduce that the Templars followed it across the Atlantic—all without any primary sources! Later authors suggest “Merica” was an Atlantean name. Were the Founding Fathers inspired by aliens? A 2011 Ancient Aliens episode on “Aliens and the Founding Fathers” tried to make the case that America was founded on orders from extraterrestrials. Too bad they relied on a Civil War-era newspaper hoax to do it. Were the Founding Fathers enacting a Freemason agenda? America Unearthed tried to discover whether America’s capital city contains secret psycho-sexual symbolism imposed on it by goddess-worshiping Freemasons. Come for the vagina discussion, stay for the symbolic penile penetration on the National Mall. Did Benjamin Franklin Believe a Comet Destroyed the Lost White Mound Builders? An early hoax by a French plagiarist spawns an unlikely anticipation of Immanuel Velikovsky and makes its way into biographies of Benjamin Franklin. Is America fulfilling God’s judgment through the Dow Jones Industrial Average? Fox News host Mike Huckabee gasps in shock as a “messianic rabbi” tells him that the Bible proves that America is God’s chosen land, that God speaks through the stock market, and that America will be punished for sexual sins. If you are in the U.S., enjoy the holiday! If not, happy Saturday!
16 Comments
Don't Forget...
7/4/2015 05:26:56 am
Texe Marrs
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David Bradbury
7/4/2015 07:57:24 am
Ha ha- today's TV schedules are quite amusing. NBC has the Macy's fireworks, so ABC has just quit and showed reruns, while CBS is dumping as many unaired episodes as possible of its failed comedies. And BBC America is showing the next episodes of 'Atlantis' and 'Jonathan Strange' as if there was nothing special about this particular Saturday at all.
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Shane Sullivan
7/4/2015 08:16:03 am
On a related note, "Happy Treason Day, You Ungrateful Colonials" is apparently a popular meme right now.
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V
7/4/2015 03:04:21 pm
The sad part is that it's rather more accurate than "Happy Birthday, America," since the nation didn't actually achieve independence until April 19, 1783, and the Constitution wasn't signed until September 17, 1787, so "the day we formally committed treason against the Crown" really is a better description of July 4, 1776. Or, as I prefer to call it, "Happy Conception Day, America."
David Bradbury
7/4/2015 09:05:55 pm
- though there's presumably a case for naming April 19, 1775 as "Conception Day".
Shane Sullivan
7/5/2015 04:52:56 am
That's a long gestation!
V
7/5/2015 08:09:13 am
David, I will grant you that, in much the same way as I will grant that I'm not sure whether 1783 or 1787 is the real 'birth of the nation.'
Clete
7/4/2015 08:43:58 am
But H2 does have programming relating to the importance of the day. They showed "Washington, the warrior". Something of worth, made by someone who knew what they were doing, with comments and insights by actual historians. However, it's being followed by "Sons of Liberty". An aboration of a show if there ever was one, Samuel and John Adams as action heroes and John Hancock, who appears to be a wuss.
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Titus pullo
7/5/2015 01:52:56 pm
And how could we forget the show "ultimate warrior" July 4th episode where washinton fought napolean. The reenactment where old George punches the little general and despatches him with his sword was glorious and expected. Washington can't lose on July 4th. Ha ha 7/4/2015 10:58:31 am
I remain curios about the claim in the Ancient Aliens episode on the Founding Fathers about the claim that Franklin and other believed each Solar system had it's own God and the Biblical God was only the God of our Solar System.
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JJ
7/4/2015 11:43:24 am
this is getting more downbeat and negative all the time...
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Scarecrow
7/4/2015 12:09:41 pm
Nothing beats exuberant scepticism and refreshing sobriety
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Titus pullo
7/5/2015 01:47:19 pm
So much of American history is glorified stories to support whatever the current political wisdom demands. No Thomas Jefferson didn't write the constitution and in fact wasn't that supportive of it. Patrick Henry was hated by many founding fathers and didn't like the constitution, preferring the articles of confederation. Lincoln hated free trade. And the first Supreme Court justice, John Marshall decided to interprete the constitution and ruled against the author of the constitution James Madison in Marburg versus Madison and in many ways started the historical record of really bad Supreme Court decisions. George Custer was a bad commander, MacArthur screwed up at the beginning of WWII. And Woodrow Wilson was a racist. We could go on and on...fdr was really an incompetent foriegn policy president and Reagan ran up the debt faster than any president until bush and Obama. History is made of individuals who are all too human. America diesnt have to claim some exceptionalism. Doing our best to live in a republic based on sound money, free markets, limited govt, and peace is enough.
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MaxArthur
7/5/2015 11:00:11 pm
MacArthur was a genius. He was brought out of retirement to sort out the Korean War and his military tactics (that seemed bizarre to others) worked. Macarthur's strategy in World War II to nuke the USSR to get it out of Eastern Europe should have been accepted without any reservations,
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John
7/5/2015 04:27:40 pm
Check out Scott trying to cover up his BS again:
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Bob Jase
7/6/2015 01:33:40 am
Mormonism is still the #1 craziest fringe history of NA imo.
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