In July 2015, the History Channel released a nonfiction guide to the ancient astronaut theory for children under the Ancient Aliens brand name. Not content to wait for children to visit the library before indoctrinating them into fake history, the network recently launched a beta version (password: letsplayancientaliens) of a new Ancient Aliens Facebook game designed to draw young people and casual fans of the show into the world of Nibiru, gold-hungry aliens, and the other absurd claims of the ancient astronaut theory. This is not the first game based on the ancient astronaut theory, but it is the first I can find that carries the official endorsement of the History Channel and its parent company, A+E Networks. It is particularly disturbing because it seems to be aimed at a young audience. The game is free to play, which almost demands that we ask why History produced it and how they plan to make money from it and its users. “Help Ancient Astronaut Theorists uncover the truth about alien visitations in our remote past as you abduct humans, alter their DNA and build the pyramids,” the game description reads. In fact, let’s quote the whole description, as written by A+E Networks’ PR team: An exciting new free-to-play adventure game from A&E Television Networks based on The History Channel's hit television series ANCIENT ALIENS. I remember reading Altman’s Lovecraftian pastiche “A Case of Royal Blood” in the anthology Shadows Over Baker Street a long time ago, and Lovecraftian material pops up occasionally in his other work, because of course it does. We’re talking comic books, ancient astronauts, and scifi-horror; how could it not? The game isn’t explicitly Lovecraftian, but it has aliens acting as Anunnaki-Watchers, which is the connecting thread for most pseudohistorical claims about ancient lost civilizations and high technologies. The game, scheduled for final release this month, is no great shakes, and the opening chapters are more than a little boring (to me, anyway; I don’t care for this type of Civilization or Sim City type of building game), but it has a cartoony aesthetic guaranteed to appeal to the younger end of the Ancient Aliens fan community. The game opens with a cartoon of Tsoukalos giving a lecture on ancient astronauts behind a podium emblazoned with the History Channel logo and before a wall bedecked in the Ancient Aliens title card. If that doesn’t make manifest how much the network and its designers want users to associate ancient astronauts with the History Channel, I’m not sure what would. I’m not sure whether to praise the game for placing Giorgio Tsoukalos where he belongs, as a cartoon in a fictional world, or to condemn the game for seducing young minds into accepting ancient astronaut claims by reinforcing the supposed reality of the History television program.
The fictitious Tsoukalos then asks you, the game player, to undergo hypnotic regression in order to travel back to a past life in Egypt, where a Grey alien from Nibiru abducts you and orders you to lie to and deceive your fellow humans in order to build nuclear power plants to run the aliens’ earthly gold-mining operations. Later in the game, players meet “Akasha,” an alleged Egyptian oracle, who is clearly named for Theosophy’s Akashic Record and the Vedic Akasha ether it was based upon. Obelisks, of course, serve as energy beams, because David Childress once said so. All of this I might have dismissed as “fun” if it were presented as fiction, but the game isn’t just content to tell a story about ancient astronauts. Despite a few feints toward noting that the game is merely assuming that the hypothesis is true, as players get deeper into the game, the disclaimers get swapped out for “guidance” by “Giorgio Tsoukalos,” who presents ancient astronaut theory claims in a way that heavily implies that they are factual statements meant to “educate” players about ancient astronauts. For example, in one scene “Tsoukalos” informs players that the Temple of Denderah in Egypt has no evidence of soot on the ceilings and too little oxygen to keep a torch alight, thus demonstrating that the Egyptians had electricity. I can’t decide whether this game—parallel as it is to the Pawn Stars game History previously produced—is actively harming the network’s audience or whether it represents proof that History considers the program to be essentially a semi-fictional reality show with ancillary merchandising. But what I really want to know is where the money is coming from. Networks don’t spend cash for no reason, and a “free to play” game either is intended to generate in-game purchases, or else History thinks that this game is going help them expand the Ancient Aliens brand in additional money-making directions. At this point, the investment History and A+E have made in Ancient Aliens—from the game to a fashion line to the children’s book to regular DVD releases—suggests that the program isn’t going anywhere and makes a hell of a lot more money than even I suspected it takes in.
52 Comments
Clete
1/11/2016 01:15:42 pm
Products tied to television shows and movies. The newest trends in media. I await for "Ancient Aliens toilet paper". Toilet paper with the faces of Giorgio Tsoukalos and David Childress on them. It would at least be useful as I would be able to wipe myself on them.
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Eric
1/14/2016 01:51:34 pm
I'd buy it for that exact reason.
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William
8/21/2016 11:30:42 am
Being skeptical is the best way to approach the Ancient Alien controversy as well as any "free" online game. I happen to be a believer and a skeptic, in one. And lets face it. Nothing is for free these days anyway. Even this blog site (Jason Colavito) is selling merchandise. What you choose to spend your hard earned money on is your own business. If the game turns out to be fun, I'll pay to play it. Why not. As long as Im entertained.
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Time Machine
1/11/2016 01:28:51 pm
Ancient Aliens is entertainment and not history, therefore a videogame is a fitting development.
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David Bradbury
1/12/2016 08:55:43 am
But the TV show "Ancient Aliens" is made for a channel called HISTORY.
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History Buff
5/25/2016 10:42:27 am
Only if you're dumb enough to believe we're actually alone in the universe. Some time in history there was/will be extraterrestrial life on Earth.
Mike
6/1/2016 03:12:33 pm
Could you be any thicker? History Buff, the chances of life are vast, the chances of someone being able to visit us, slimmer than your IQ
Bill Brach
6/2/2016 12:41:30 am
David dont listen to the nay sayers...there is evidence all over this planet, the moon and Mars that is right in front of there faces and still everyone is like blind and stupid. Remember you are dealing with a breed of people that take weather advice from a ground hog and wont listen to scientists facts on global warming...even so if you were a complete moron you would have to wonder if 9 billion people on this planet would have some effect on the weather with all the co2. We are definitely a civilization with amnesia. I have seen the stones and the cuts in the rocks at puma punku high in the Andes and let me tell you these were not made and cannot be copied by us today. So tell me again guys about your egotistical "we are the greatest" attitude theory...fools
Only Me
1/11/2016 01:45:47 pm
I'm just waiting for Tsoukalos to dress up as Yogurt from Spaceballs, so he can chant, "Merchandising, merchandising, merchandising!"
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DaveR
1/12/2016 10:20:52 am
Hopefully they'll all meet in "AA2, The Quest for More Money!"
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ussf
1/12/2016 01:15:06 pm
that's not Autopsy but Lobotomy!!!
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Joseph Craven
1/12/2016 11:48:43 pm
Ancient Aliens the Flame Thrower!
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DaveR
1/13/2016 11:27:01 am
I can imagine all of the AA guys dancing around in the shinning "dink" robs as they march along singing the "dink dink" song.
Shane Sullivan
1/11/2016 02:47:05 pm
"Abduct primitive humans, manipulate their DNA..."
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Time Machine
1/11/2016 03:22:23 pm
This is the first documented, yet secret, proof that Aliens have cross their DNA with humans after a alien abduction
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Joseph Craven
1/12/2016 11:47:10 pm
Time Machine, I can't tell if you're joking or not.
Uncle Ron
1/11/2016 03:37:44 pm
Classic insidious AA-speak such as “Millions of people around the world believe ..., What if it were true?, Did ancient aliens really ...?, ...might they have come here...?” segues seductively to "Uncover evidence ..., and ...learn the truth from the Aliens themselves.”
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1/11/2016 04:22:55 pm
To be fair, they don't say that their intention was to make a children's game, and most of the beta testers seem to be adults. It's just so cartoony and kid-friendly that it *seems* like kids are their intended or likely audience.
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Time Machine
1/11/2016 04:44:10 pm
Believers in Ancient Astronauts are *like* children
Uncle Ron
1/11/2016 05:06:10 pm
OK. I guess I jumped to a conclusion on the "children" part but it's still vile.
DaveR
1/12/2016 10:23:00 am
This is how they suck people in because they create the impression that no scientific consensus exists, and that "many" scientists have doubts about current "theories" so that some people start believing the AA story.
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1/13/2016 03:56:31 pm
Don't forget such inanities as "many agree..." "experts think..." "many scientists agree..." and my all time favorite, "some say..." Hey, if some say it...it must be true.
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DaveR
1/14/2016 08:19:23 am
I like "my research has shown..."
Ken
1/11/2016 07:13:38 pm
If you ever get stumped on an question, just type in ""aliens". It's always a correct answer.
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DaveR
1/12/2016 10:26:50 am
Let's look at this logically, there is NO way we have the technology to produce such an advanced game. I mean seriously, this technology simply does not exist. Now I'm not saying that aliens produced this game to make their take over of the Earth easier, but we cannot discount this theory.
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Ian
8/18/2016 06:14:31 pm
Some ancient astronaut theorists say....YES
killbuck
1/11/2016 09:08:55 pm
When I first saw the image above, I briefly hoped there was a ball to throw, and a dunk tank under Giorgio. Too bad.
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DaveR
1/12/2016 10:24:48 am
Would there be electric eels in the dunk tank?
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Only Me
1/12/2016 06:22:33 pm
No. There are laws against animal cruelty. Tsoukalos, however, is on his own.
Time Machine
1/12/2016 10:09:25 am
This is a great advert for the videogame.
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DaveR
1/12/2016 10:23:47 am
I thought that was Andy Warhol.
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Time Machine
1/12/2016 10:50:01 am
That means Tim Burton transposed it into Karloff's lips (played by Martin Landau) in his film "Ed Wood".
Time Machine
1/12/2016 10:53:17 am
Bela Lugosi, not Karloff.
DaveR
1/12/2016 12:32:14 pm
In truth I think that saying is attributed to P.T. Barnum.
Clint Knapp
1/12/2016 03:56:16 pm
As the Apple App Store likes to remind me every time I go scrolling through the features of the week; there's no shortage of mind-numbing, adolescent-oriented pseudo-games out there.
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1/12/2016 05:43:58 pm
That's actually one reason I suspect that this must be part of a larger "Ancient Aliens" multimedia package they are assembling, but for what reason? They must want to build it into (heaven help us) a "lifestyle" brand, but why?
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Clint Knapp
1/12/2016 06:53:57 pm
Imagine it.
Eric
1/14/2016 08:17:07 am
Hey Jason,
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Mark L.
1/14/2016 10:52:41 pm
I think Jason addressed that in the last paragraph of his post.
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Mark L.
1/14/2016 11:01:35 pm
To continue that line of thought, ALL mass-market media has been becoming less sophisticated for many years now. Television, video games, popular music, bestseller books. It's all being geared toward a society that no longer wants to think.
Tony
1/16/2016 08:22:46 pm
I seriously doubt I'll ever play this game, Eric, but if I ever make a game combining Age of Empires and Space Quest I'll gladly share the profits with you for inspiring the idea. ;-)
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John Wood
6/17/2016 12:59:18 pm
Game sucks . it has in app purchases and is designed to make money. Game had lots of flaws.
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Assonaut Exaterressial
1/17/2016 09:21:33 am
Is it the search for ancient hair products that aliens left for us? Giorgio would benefit if that's the case.
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1/17/2016 07:39:29 pm
I suspect part of the driver for this is data harvesting. Someone should take a close look at the privacy policy and COPPA compliance.
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MIMIC
6/15/2016 11:55:10 pm
If u beleive in god then u believe in Aliens! Last time they landed a a man walked out of a bright light we saw them as God's! Next time they pop by we better see them as who they are!
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heather
7/3/2016 12:35:54 am
I love the show, it does make interesting points, tho I don't really believe any of it, and it does provide pretty good entertainment, at least 4 me anyway. As for the game, they have it 2 were u either have 2 spend real money to get things done quick, or u have to wait things out, and it's very slow that way, but I refuse 2 spend real money on any games that aren't ps3 or 4, so it has been going excruciatingly slow 4 me. But what I can't understand is why it has quit giving me missions. No Georgio, no Pharaoh or Alaska, no alien popping up, no more missions. For the past 2 days I've just been building and collecting gold and DNA, and that is getting pretty boring. Will it start giving more missions again eventually or is that it???
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Mark L.
7/3/2016 05:18:33 am
They likely didn't expect anyone to progress that far into the game.
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Jacob
7/5/2016 01:33:44 am
They review the facts they've discovered over the years for you in the show on history channel. What's so hard about understanding facts and putting common sense to it.
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Ali
7/12/2016 07:07:14 pm
It is a game. It is supposed to be entertainment. People will believe what they want about anything. Facts can, and have been, manipulated to confirm, or deny, ideas since forever.
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Your Mom
8/6/2016 04:59:12 pm
You sir, are a complete ignoramus with a small mind, who obviously knows next to nothing about the actual history of our planet and solar system. So are many who choose to regurgitate your ignorant position on history. Do some research instead of trying to be a disinformation specialist. You may just learn something.
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plantman13
8/9/2016 10:53:43 am
Wow, Mom. Them's some mighty harsh words. A lot of vitriol and venom but little substance. Perhaps an example of how the writer showed his ignorance would be in order. Otherwise your post sounds like so much hot air. What is the ACTUAL history of our planet and how did you come to be the final arbiter of what that may be?
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SoltanGris
9/14/2016 06:23:42 pm
I watch Ancient Aliens for the same reason I watch the Sharknado movies series. Get off your high horses and enjoy some entertainment. I've tried playing the facebook game, but it's monotonous (at least in beta form now) and I can't imagine why anyone would pull out the credit card to make an in-game purchase for anything. It's got the feeling of a failed game which was released in beta form only in the hopes to gather back some of what they lost thru in-game purchases. That's probably not working out well.
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AuthorI am an author and researcher focusing on pop culture, science, and history. Bylines: New Republic, Esquire, Slate, etc. There's more about me in the About Jason tab. Newsletters
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