Marijuana Advocate Claims God, Satan, Anunnaki Were Tetraploid Giants Created by a Crocus

Last night Canadian software consultant and marijuana enthusiast William Harold Bradshaw, who writes under several pen names including Billy Budd, contacted me to tell me that he had discovered the secret behind the lost race of giants. Bradshaw’s previous work has involved developing a synthetic recipe for cocaine and promoting marijuana consumption. Bradshaw claims to have been a regular user of cannabis since 1969, and it is therefore unsurprising that Bradshaw has concluded that marijuana is the key to unlocking the secrets of ancient history.

Specifically, Bradshaw believes that the secret to understanding the Bible can be found by studying the Pink Kush strain of medical marijuana. This strain of the plant is more potent than other varieties because it contains extra chromosomes that result in a higher THC content. Another result of the plant’s extra chromosomes is an increase in its size. The Pink Kush strain of marijuana was developed by exposing cannabis to colchicine, a chemical found in a variety of orchid called the Autumn Crocus. This chemical is currently being studied as a treatment for cancer and is widely used in botany to induce polyploidy, or an increase in the number of paired chromosomes in the offspring of a plant so exposed.

Bradshaw believes that colchicine also possesses mysterious powers that allow it to increase the number of chromosomes in the humans who use the plant, turning them into giants with four times the usual number of chromosomes (tetraploidy). This supposedly occurred when European (of course) women used the crocus to relieve labor pains but accidentally created a race of (white) super-humans. In reality, most embryos with tetraploidy are miscarried, and children who are born with four sets of chromosomes rarely live more than a few weeks. Nevertheless, for Bradshaw, the genetics that make plants robust must also work for humans, so these early crocus-giants were, of course, the supernatural creatures of the Bible with four sets of chromosomes, while those with just three sets were the demigods of legend:

God, Satan and Lucifer were tetraploid giants and implemented civilization upon Earth. They lived in the mountains e.g. Mount Hebron. Gilgamesh and Enkidu really existed and were triploid giants. They were referred to as Nephilim in the Bible with one parent being tetraploid and the other diploid. 

According to Bradshaw, Mt. Hebron was itself “heaven,” and Satan was a tetraploid giant (Semjaza from the Book of Enoch) who tempted Eve with hallucinogenic mushrooms. He was later cast out into the valley below by the king of the giants, the giant named “God,” for lusting after non-tetraploid women. The offspring of the “fallen” tetraploid giants and regular old diploid human women was triploid giants, the Nephilim of Genesis 6:4.

Bradshaw also believes that the “Sumerians were an advanced race of giants. They were also created using the Autumn Crocus plant... These giant gods then built megalithic structures around the globe and created civilization.” I’ll be damned why these “giants” seem to like building small doorways, tiny stairs, and miniature homes relative to their size. He explains the lack of current giants by adopting the ancient astronaut account of the Great Flood story, in its Sitchinite version, whereby the Sumerian pantheon are the main actors in world religion (Enki = Satan for Bradshaw). To this he adds the popular claim that the alleged rapid filling of the Black Sea was responsible for world flood myths—but with the Sitchin twist that it was a planned event. Bradshaw attempts to rehabilitate Sitchin by claiming that all of his material about the Anunnaki is correct but that these creatures were the result of tetraploidy and were not extraterrestrials. And just to sweeten the pot, he also claims that the Anunnaki gave civilization to the Jews but were “not Semitic” themselves. Instead, they came from Europe! But of course!

Needless to say, these crocus-giants left no trace of themselves or their activities in the archaeological record; nevertheless, we are to believe they existed and ran the world as the result of super-genius abilities bestowed by their European mothers chewing a plant.

Before running off to embrace Bradshaw’s Pink Kush advocacy, I think I’ll wait until he can find a source other than Wikipedia (his favorite) to demonstrate that the Anunnaki had any existence outside the human imagination, let alone mysteriously vanished gigantic tetraploid bodies.