New Revisionist History Paints America as an Ancient European Dumping Ground for Obese Romans

I received a series of emails this week from a self-described member of the Sinclair family who really wanted me to review his website, which is called Voyage of the Thunder Gods and exposes how Europeans were the true Native Americans. I’m not sure what to make of it, and I can’t quite tell whether it is meant seriously or is kind of an elaborate joke. Sinclair assured me that he is serious, so I suppose I need to take him at his word. All the same, I find it weird that he bases his revisionist history of the world on obesity. It’s certainly a … unique ... claim.

According to Sinclair, we have completely misunderstood all of world history because of a scientific conspiracy centered on carbon dating, which evil scientists use to deny Europeans their rightful role as the founders of all pre-Columbian American civilizations. He recalls being baffled by the process of carbon dating, which he claims (wrongly) to have witnessed firsthand when an archaeologist “carbon dated” a rock right in front of him in the field to 3400 BCE instead of 10,000 BCE or older, as he preferred. (Carbon dating doesn’t work on non-organic matter like rocks.) 

The reality was... a religious zealot needed to support a timeline for his ‘scientific’ theory of Indians crossing an ice bridge over the Bering Sea. Did anyone ever ask him, “How did the Indians get to the island of Cuba... in the Tropics?”  Science became a corrupt way of burying the truth, to erase a history belonging to someone else.

Thus, for Sinclair, all of the events of history took place in a different order from the one we are familiar with, starting around 5000 BCE, when the Druids emerged in Greece and started history on its forward march. He believes that around 1200 BCE the Norse discovered America and began American civilization. Some rogue Vikings became the “Clovis Indians.” Meanwhile, Europeans also traveled to Asia and founded the “Asian states.” Naturally, the Knights Templar are somehow involved, though placed in the early centuries BCE. Somehow various racial groups are thought to mix together through intentional admixture, thus causing the ancient (presumably white) master race to break down into sub-races defined by their degree of admixture with different types of non-white people.
 
Against all of this, Sinclair proposes that fat people played a major role in shaping world culture. He claims that in 133 BCE Tiberius Gracchus sent all Roman citizens over 300 pounds (in another place, he claims they were “300 men”) to America, and that again in 64 CE Nero repopulated Mexico with overweight people. He further maintains that Jesus was the son of a Greek god “who was expelled from the Greek world for being overweight.” Sinclair says that fat gods were shipped off to India to get down to a healthier weight.
 
Sinclair has a few different versions of his chronology. One appears on his website, and he sent me another by email, which I reproduce here since it focuses on building history toward its greatest culminating event, the carving of the Kensington Rune Stone:

1.  America was discovered between 1300-1200 BC by Phoenicians, the Greenland Sagas commenced in 1200 BC.
2.  Tartarus (Pre-Egypt) was moved to America in 1100 BC.  A formation of Knights were created to police America.
3.  The Gaul Knights were defeated in 754 BC giving rise to the Roman Republic & Empire that defeated Carthage in Punic Wars.
4.  Tiberius Sempronius Gracchus, the Roman Zeus from Carthage, shipped all men over 300 pounds to America in 133 BC.
5.  Odin's Cobblestone Court was brought to America at the turn of the century.  Mecca memorialized his departure as Allah.
6.  The Kingdom of Naples was sent to Arcadia (Florida) in 79 AD when Mt. Vesuvius erupted & covered Herculaneum with ash.
7.  Teotihuacan (The Religion of Thor) operated until 791 AD when it was defeated at the Battle for Uppsala Sound in Sweden.
8.  A Skraelingar and Stave uprising took out every Viking ship as they descended from Vineland Station to Roanoke Island
9.  Lief Ericsson's ship was the only one to survive, he entered America through the Templar portal in Hudson Bay Canada
10. Retrieving all the men from the Midgaard Serpant (Mississippi River) the Nordic bloodline was preserved in 985 AD.
11. The Alamo Incursion occurred in 1002 AD, and the Indians of South America swarmed into North America.
12. A Federated States of Amerigan began in 1040 AD, the Vikings were crushed in 1066 AD by the Norman Conquest.
13. Mounds Park Minnesota is the site for which the Battle of Hastings took place.
14. The St. Clare Expeditions returned the Europeans to America in 1255 AD.
15. The men of the Sinclair Expeditions were found dead in 1362 AD.
16. In 1402 AD, Henry Sinclair was on his deathbed.  He commissioned his son to return to America.
17. The Kensington Runestone was the centerpiece of a circular memorial erected at the lines intersecting the 2 Templar portals.
18. As America was being colonized, the Runestone was buried to avoid its destruction.
19. A tree was planted on its location when the Sinclair family returned to its homeland.
20. It was intentionally dug up to show evidence of America's earliest beginnings.

To the degree that this is of any interest, it’s interesting to see how Sinclair has mixed and matches a wide array of fringe claims and placed euhemerism alongside diffusionism and more than a dash of Fomenko-style randomized chronology in a riot of fact and fantasy, revised and rewritten to glorify none other than the Sinclair family.