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Review of America Unearthed S04E07: "Bigfoot of the Bayou"

7/3/2019

49 Comments

 
Picture
Picture
This episode airs July 9.
​It turns out that Expedition Unknown can only do so much. The rerun airing before America Unearthed this week brought in 523,000 viewers, but many did not stick around for the main event, presumably having sampled Scott Wolter and found him no Josh Gates. America Unearthed collapsed to just 329,000 viewers for episode 6, down 32 percent from episode 5. I suggested that the topic of that episode, the true identity of George Washington’s female spy, was about as far from my area of interest as possible. It turns out I was wrong. This week, Scott Wolter goes in search of Bigfoot in a swamp because the producers seem to have seen The Legend of Boggy Creek or Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues and decided that they wanted to remake it with Wolter. I can’t say that I am the least interested in Bigfoot, so this will be a slog, much like Wolter’s earlier effort to find the Yeti, which at least benefited from an exotic location. Oh, well. Let’s begin.
​Segment 1
We open with some grainy home video footage of a Bigfoot-like creature known as the Honey Island Swamp Monster followed by night vision footage in Honey Island Swamp in Slidell, Louisiana, as Wolter tramps about doing his best Finding Bigfoot impression. “What’s that noise?” he asks in a stilted line reading. “What’s that smell?” Then he shoots off a flare that conveniently was captured from a distance in a perfectly composed camera shot that was obviously staged. The artifice of the show becomes more blatant with each passing episode as fakery, scripting, and recreations increasingly substitute for “real” interactions. We then cut to the opening credits.
 
Wolter is in Louisiana to interview locals about a foul-smelling swamp monster said to resemble Bigfoot. I know the creature only because it was featured on The Secret Saturdays years ago; otherwise, I would never have heard of it. Wolter repeats claims from the Yeti episode that Bigfoot and his kin are remnant populations of Gigantopithecus, an extinct but very large ancient ape. The show omits the traditional Louisiana story that the creature is—and I can’t believe I am writing this—the result of a crashed circus train whose cargo of chimps escaped into the swamp and interbred with local alligators.
 
Wolter looks at a cast of the creature’s alleged track, which resembles an alligator track, and he simply takes it at face value, assuming that it belongs to a bipedal ape that has evolved to live in a swamp. The granddaughter of the man who first reported the creature in 1963, Dana Holyfield, shows Wolter 8 mm film of… Well, a commercial break interrupts the revelation.
 
Segment 2
After the break, Wolter looks at film showing something that resembles a gorilla moving through trees, and Wolter declares it to be exciting evidence for the monster, though it could equally be someone in a gorilla suit or someone in a dark coat. Wolter suggests that the giant squid and the coelacanth prove that cryptids still exist, and he repeats the canard that the Kraken is a true account of encounters with a giant squid (though before the mid-1700s the Kraken was described as just a fish) so he meets with cryptid researcher M. K. Davis in Yazoo City, Mississippi. Davis believes that he captured the creature on thermal imaging via drone. The show then presents “disgusting” images of eviscerated pigs whose deaths Davis blames on the swamp monster. Wolter compares their injuries to Jack the Ripper and speculates that the pigs’ bodies were placed to “send a message,” but there are many other explanations for dead animals than a secret Bigfoot communique. The show declines to present any evidence that the dead pigs were killed by an ape, so we may safely discard them except to note that this is yet another instance of body horror substituting for argument.
 
Segment 3
After another break, Davis tells us that he fled from the dead pigs, worried that the monster would kill him, too. When he returned, he claimed that the dead pigs had been replaced with an old pig skull. Since he didn’t conduct a systematic review of the land, he probably just ran across something he missed the first time. Davis shows Wolter thermal imaging of the monster, but it doesn’t convince me, or even Wolter, who asks how Davis knows that the image is of an ape and not a human. Davis admits that he has no answer and that it could well be a person. “It would be kind of ridiculous for another human to be across there, but I was out there.”
 
Davis and Wolter examine Choctaw legend of Shampe, a wild man figure similar to wild men legends found the world over. Shampe is an ogre-like monster with an overpowering odor, and Wolter suggests that this is a memory of Gigantopithecus crossing the Bering Strait land bridge to take up residence in the Louisiana swamps. Wolter cites only one form of the legend, calling it a hairy, ape-like creature, but the oral tradition isn’t as cut and dried. Other stories say it is hairless and resembles an overlarge human who whistles as he walks. Choctaw oral stories claim, contra what we hear here, that the Shampes have all migrated back to the Western United States. According to dictionaries, the creature’s terminal vowel is pronounced, but Wolter and his friends do not pronounce it. Fun to be able to pick and choose only the parts of stories that help your ratings.
 
Wolter then prepares to spend a night alone in the swamp hunting for the monster.
 
Segment 4
In the fourth segment, Wolter goes out into the swamp. As with America’s Lost Vikings earlier this year, this episode follows the template of devoting the last third of the show to watching the middle-aged hosts tramp about outside enacting he-men wilderness fantasies. Wolter declines to use a live pig as bait because “it doesn’t seem right” to chain it up in a swamp to be attacked. Instead, he uses a side of pork. In a staged interaction with a cryptozoologist, Wolter refuses a gun, saying that he isn’t there to kill the monster. The rest of the segment is Wolter’s video diary of sitting in the swamp while nothing happens. If you thought regular-flavor scripted Wolter was bad, stream-of-consciousness Wolter looking like a reject from a found-footage Blair Witch Project rip-off is beyond boring. At least when Josh Gates used to do this on Destination Truth, he had the good sense to crack some jokes. Instead, we get footage of Wolter claiming to get a whiff of a bad odor and, panicking, shooting a flare gun into the sunrise to signal cryptozoologist Ken Gerhard to join him. You will likely recognize Gerhard from the many shows he’s hosted or appeared on across the cable television fever swamp, including the History Channel’s Missing in Alaska and the Travel Channel’s Legend Hunters. Cable TV is a small world of a very few faces repeating bullshit endlessly, like a more verbal human centipede.
 
Segment 5
In the fifth segment, Wolter tells Gerhard that he discovered—you guessed it—swamp gas! Yes, the infamous foul-smelling swamp gas is the origin of the claim that the Honey Island Swamp Monster stinks. Wolter suggests that this discovery does not disprove the existence of the creature but admits to having found no evidence for its reality.
 
Segment 6
As the show grinds pointlessly to a halt, Wolter hears from Dana Holyfield that she still believes the creature is real. Wolter claims that “researchers around the world are closer than ever to finding the truth” about Bigfoot and his cousins. Giving up his quest after a single night, Wolter shares a bowl of swamp gas chili with Holyfield, and Wolter laments that he has once again failed to find what he was looking for. He says that he is “satisfied” that swamp gas explains most sightings but is “open” to the idea that giant apes exist in the bayous of Louisiana. 
49 Comments
Doc Rock
7/3/2019 08:23:43 pm

Catching whiffs of royally stinky stuff in a swamp in the deep south. Hard to believe that the clue phone wasn't ringing quite loudly for Scottyboy from the onset.

Escaped chimps getting down with alligators is a special new form of crazy that I hadn't heard in association with this story.

If there really was a 7 foot tall primate wandering the sticks in that part of the country messing with hogs then some redneck with more guns than teeth would have rolled into town with one of them strapped across the hood of his pick-up long long ago.

I hate to say it but he needs to get back into the really crazy Templar conspiracy stuff. He just doesn't have the intelligence or personality to pull off more mundane stuff. Not that he is all that great with anything.

Reply
Jim
7/3/2019 10:13:18 pm

Here's my review:

Scottie goes on a self imposed snipe hunt and discovers swamps stink.

This series is really bad and getting worse.

Reply
Doc Rock
7/4/2019 12:16:50 am

Count your blessings. He could have claimed to have heard tree knocks or was bluff charged by a bigfoot (armadillos can make a lot of noise in dry leaves on a dark night) or confused squabbling raccoons with a family of bigfoot quarreling over a hog carcass.

But then again maybe those chimps actually came over with the Phoenicians when they sailed up the Mississippi to load up on copper. Exposure to swamp gas caused them to mutate into gigantopithecus? God knows how many skeletons representing intermediate stages of evolution have been consigned to the pyre at the double top secret Smithsonian dump site. And that part of the south has a lot of Catholics. Need I say more.....

Reply
Jim
7/4/2019 12:55:10 am

Nah,,,, He didn't blame the Smithsonian this time, he lays the blame on the porcupines.

Ken
7/10/2019 06:08:37 pm

Then why watch the show. You must be an imbecile to watch something you can't stand.

Reply
Jim
7/11/2019 12:23:31 am

Is that you Scott ?

Perhaps you should work on your comprehension skills before calling SOMEONE ELSE an imbecile.
Did I say I couldn't stand the show ?
I find Wolter's obtuse idiocy and outright numb-nuttery highly entertaining.

Paul
7/3/2019 10:16:22 pm

Maybe the imbecile will hit zero viewers at his tenth episode. Forever relegated to late night AM crazies talk radio and self published books that his 13&1/2 fans buy. I really do hope this takes him off tv for good.

Reply
Accumulated Wisdom
7/3/2019 10:58:06 pm

https://www-m.cnn.com/2012/08/28/us/montana-big-foot-accident/index.html?r=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F

Does anyone else remember this story? Amusing at the time but, really sad in hindsight.

Reply
Kent
7/3/2019 11:30:11 pm

Does anyone do anything with the links Anthony posts? Sad at the time but, really sad in hindsight.

Reply
Accumulated Wisdom
7/4/2019 12:40:49 am

It is illegal to shoot a Bigfoot, however, a 15 year old girl can take one out with her car.

Kent
7/4/2019 02:15:44 am

Let's concentrate on the things it's NOT illegal to shoot.

Accumulated Wisdom
7/4/2019 04:11:24 am

"Let's concentrate"

Are you capable?

"...the things it's NOT illegal to shoot."

Good thing for you it's not your mouth. Find your local Grass Man. They are not a myth. Get yourself a sack. Put a party dress on Mary Jane and relax. Enjoy the day which symbolizes your right. Four you, it should also be Thanksgiving and Christmas. Give thanks for that tremendous gift you've been bestowed.

Kent
7/4/2019 04:57:11 pm

Do you, read, what, you write? I am grateful, to Sky Jesus that I live in a country where, I can say Anthony Warren is a fucking idiot and a, liar.

Accumulated wisdom
7/4/2019 07:27:42 pm

Listen friend, every one of your comments here is either devoted to your weird and distributing obsession with me or is some kind of bizarre conspiratorial rant filled with non-sequiturs and total idiocy. Why don’t you find a new hobby?

Kent
7/4/2019 08:17:38 pm

DGAF. "distributing obsession"

"bizarre conspiratorial rant"

"Anonymous February 17, 2015 at 9:05 AM
Hello Alan,

This is Anthony. I'd traded emails with you until, I somehow had my account deleted by a small group of zealots, who post religious rants in response to Science articles."

Not TOO conspiratorial. And it, appears that your, mentally distributed use, of commas has a, long history.

Math adds up.

Accumulated wisdom
7/4/2019 09:16:40 pm

What math? WTF are you blathering about? Have you logged every comment ever made on this blog into loose leaf binders with section tabs separating them by subject matter?

Anyway, don’t make me go back and find all of the unhinged screeds about Soviet spies sleeping in the Lincoln bedroom and other various deranged Anne Coulter level meltdowns that have occurred here on a regular basis. Or would you like to have a contest to determine the identity the wackiest goony bird on this blog?

Kent
7/4/2019 10:14:55 pm

I don't, understand what your, issue is Anthony. While I, can't keep track of who, sleeps where, that FDR's administration and the White House itself was, penetrated by Soviet spies has been well, documented.

The only contest you are suitable for is a rousing game of Ookie Cookie.

Did I hit a nerve when I called you an, idiot and a liar? Too hecking bad. You are an idiot and a liar.

Of course I didn't score six touchdowns in one game for Polk High School like you did.

BigFred
7/4/2019 09:17:11 am

"the result of a crashed circus train whose cargo of chimps escaped into the swamp and interbred with local alligators."
Sounds legit.

Reply
Shane Sullivan
7/4/2019 05:32:57 pm

I had an uncle who had unprotected sex with an alligator. Now he has gatorAIDS...

Reply
Tudlaw
7/4/2019 07:13:37 pm

Ironically AIDS was started when Michael Jackson had sex with a monkey.

Tudlaw
7/5/2019 12:37:35 am

And of course some people wear condoms on their ears because they're scared of hearing AIDS.

Shane Sullivan
7/5/2019 05:52:08 pm

I've also got a few equally distasteful jokes about visual AIDS, teaching AIDS, and sleep AIDS, but they're all pretty much just variations on wearing condoms on body parts and in situations that don't typically demand them.

Matt
7/11/2019 03:09:53 am

Now that the obligatory Accumulated Wisdom v Kent thread is underway we might as well get into the distateful jokes. Bring 'em on.

Jim
7/4/2019 02:53:42 pm

Here is the source of Wolters "ingenuity".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08XP1PP8A-M

Who writes the scripts for these duds ?
They build up to an end where Wolter gets to say,,,,,,well we didn't find anything , but we did some really stupid things.
It's like even the writers want an end to having to deal with Wolters insipid blathering nonsense.

Reply
Doc Rock
7/4/2019 08:29:17 pm

More like, "we didn't find anything, we did some really stupid things, but I am convinced that (insert batshit crazy claim) still happened and the history that you have been taught is all lies..."

How does repeating tall tales about monkeys getting their freak on with alligators, and discovering that swamp gas is a thing, prove that the history that we have been taught is all lies? isn't stuff like this actually demonstrating that the alternative history he is pushing is the real lie but he is just too dense to figure out the irony here?


Reply
Riley V
7/4/2019 09:52:49 pm

When I was in Grad School one of my Profs lived in and ran a hunting camp in the Honey Island Swamp on the Louisiana/ Mississippi border. He would tell tales about Bigfoot and Loupes Garoux to the kids at his Halloween Party every year. The stories got better the more Jamison’s he drank.

Just a quick geography lesson. The Boggy Creek Bigfoot lives in the swamps at the border of Arkansas/ Louisiana/ Texas (ArkLaTex) in the far northwest of Louisiana. The Honey Island Swamp monster lives in the far southeast of Louisiana about 350 miles away.

Reply
Doc Rock
7/4/2019 10:02:51 pm

Did he ever bring up the Chimps hooking up with alligators angle? I've been reading stuff on bigfoot sightings in the south for 40 years and this is the first time I heard it.

Reply
Jim
7/4/2019 10:38:29 pm

Perhaps the rumours of the foul odors come from the chimp/ alligators throwing feces at people.

Is it customary in Louisiana to shoot off a flare when you smell bad odors ? Couldn't you just use a cell phone ?

Riley V
7/4/2019 10:51:00 pm

I had never heard that story before. There are Choctaw legends about Wildmen all over the East Texas. Southern Arkansas, Louisiana, and Southern Mississippi. They are big, hairy, and stink. I had never heard of them killing hogs either. The wild hogs is this area are not to be fooled with.

I think one of the local Cajuns was pulling Scott’s leg.

Doc Rock
7/4/2019 11:12:29 pm

Jim,

A long time ago I did archaeology surveys all over Louisiana and southwest Mississippi. If people set off a flare every time they got a whiff of something stinky then the sky over the whole state would look like Baghdad the night that Desert Storm began. It sounds like Scotty just panicked since it doesn't make sense to set out bait unless you are there with some damn good equipment to document what comes after it and are willing to sit there quietly and keep your shit together.


Reminds me of an article about an expedition years back to hunt for bigfoot in northern Canada. The first night there, the intrepid hunters heard a mysterious noise and panicked and set off some sort of emergency beacon. The responding authorities were not pleased with having to fly 100 miles into the bush to "save" those guys.


I'm gonna bet that we won't see Scotty serving on the crew of the Phoenicia on a transatlantic voyage if he gets rattled that easily. He best stick to dressing up in L.L. Bean and posing in front of root cellars/Templar caves in somebody's back yard in the suburbs.

Jim
7/4/2019 11:40:49 pm

The whole thing was staged to make Wolter look like a manly man, instead he came off like a panicked schoolgirl.
It's not like he was at all remote, he was in a cutline for the power line overhead, you don't normally find those where there are not roads and people nearby.
The flare was nothing but cheap theatrics.

Corey
7/5/2019 05:39:15 pm

My ex-in-laws are from Southern Louisiana and one time while visiting them, I read that in a local paper describing the legend. It was described as one of many origin stories.

Accumulated Wisdom
7/6/2019 01:11:52 pm

Doc Rock and Jim,

Search:
Monkey Island, Riverside Park, Ralph Mitchell Zoo

Locals claim high school students throw cats out onto the island. I'll leave it up to your imaginations what happens once the cats land.

Actually been there once with my in-laws. An interesting little zoo.

Riley V
7/4/2019 11:01:39 pm

If you fired a flare every time there was a bad smell in Louisiana every day would look like the 4th of July.

I love my home state, but the smells from the swamps, oil refinery,
paper mills, and cotton seed hull processing plants are all pretty bad.

Then there is summer in the French Quarter. 100 degree heat, 100% Humidity, and the smells of seafood remnants, stale alcohol, urine, and emesis is near unbearable. That said, Essence Fest is happening this weekend and NOLA is packed.

Reply
Doc Rock
7/5/2019 01:39:34 pm

The closest I have been to New Orleans in almost 20 years was doing a survey in the marsh at Bayou Gauche. Could look out across Lake Salvador and see the tallest buildings downtown.The area had its own version of bigfoot although I can't recall the name they used.

During my last several visits to N.O. it seemed they were doing a decent job of keeping the streets and sidewalks clean, at least compared to the 80s when it looked like footage from a documentary on Calcutta slums. But I haven't been there since several years before Katrina so perhaps the sanitation standards have fallen?

Reply
Riley V
7/6/2019 02:46:49 am

Doc,

We have been in Houston since Katrina/Rita. We get back once or twice a year. The French Quarter is much cleaner.
Katrina caused so much damage to the city that much needed repairs to infrastructure were finally done.
There is also a smaller population. But Sunday morning in the Quarter still stinks until the garbage trucks and street sweepers come through.

Some of my wive’s cousins had a Duck Blind on Lake Salvador before Katrina. I don’t know if they rebuilt it.

Paul
7/5/2019 02:17:27 pm

Who is Wolter trying to fool? The only stenches he is smelling are those of his own brain farts and his odious so-called theories.

Reply
Jim
7/5/2019 03:45:46 pm

He's been sniffing too much swamp gas.

"Due to the depletion of oxygen in the body, it gives rise to cognitive problems. The person is inattentive, has memory loss and poor judgment. These symptoms aggravate, when the exposure to this gas is more."

Reply
Doc Rock
7/5/2019 04:12:22 pm

Either there is a hell of a lot of swamp gas in Minnesota or.....

Jim
7/5/2019 04:43:59 pm

or,,,,,,,, he is still eating chili while wearing rubber hip waders.

Doc Rock
7/5/2019 04:47:19 pm

Or more of matter of, as Foghorn Leghorn would say, "that boy is so dumb..."

Willard
7/5/2019 05:38:46 pm

I once encountered Bigfoot while lost in the woods. He directed me back to the main road. I will always remember him. He not only had big feet but was carrying a twelve inch rooster. When I have related this story to others, I always mention that I was helped by a Bigfoot with a twelve inch cock.

Reply
Accumulated Wisdom
7/5/2019 11:26:08 pm

Hope everyone kept all fingers and toes. Also hope Dr. T. Richard Weed AKA Kent had fun arguing with an imposter. What a Dirty Old Ugly Chuckle Head, Eh!

I spent the day blowing shit up with my boys. Found some good "Water Dynamite". My youngest got an aluminum can up over the power line 6 times. Not bad for being the first year I've allowed him to do so. The trick is getting the right amount of water in the can.

Also, after 32 years of searching, found a reference to my stepfather's brother in law's Bigfoot sighting. He had allegedly "shot one twice in the chest when it screamed and ran off into the woods." I still think he shot a bear.

Reply
Accumulated Wisdom
7/5/2019 11:36:26 pm

A list of alleged Bigfoot shootings.

https://sasquatchchronicles.com/topic/list-of-bigfoot-shootings-in-chronological-order/

Reply
Jim
7/7/2019 05:58:41 pm

Not to do with bigfoot, but has anyone heard this before ?

"Well, on a New England Antiquities Research Association(Neara) field trip several years ago, Scott climbed over the fence separating the rock from the public, climbed onto Dighton Rock and chipped off a sample of the rock without so much as a "may I?". Well, damn, of course you cannot do that! Hello?? Are you out of your mind, just who on Earth do you think you are??! "

https://forums.arrowheads.com/forum/general-discussion-gc5/artifact-questions-answers-gc9/145295-general-hubbub-surrounding-an-individual-artifact/page2

Reply
TONY S.
7/10/2019 01:21:29 pm

I like how in Season 2's episode Tracking Bigfoot, Wolter was a skeptic on giant unknown primates, but now when it comes to the Honey Island Swamp Monster he leaves his mind open.

Must have been some great chili.

Reply
B L
7/15/2019 10:23:23 am

The number of comments on Wolters blog further reinforces the idea of falling ratings and decreasing public interest. He had many more comments per blog entry prior to the start of this season of his show than he does now.

Reply
Jim
7/15/2019 12:38:43 pm

Almost half of the meager amount of comments he has are responses from him.

Reply
Alyssa
7/25/2019 06:02:05 am

I know the show is for entertainment. Bayou Bigfoot is the only episode I watched this season. It got worse as it went on. Chahta (Choctaw) is native to me and to hear Shampe mispronounced at all, especially after meeting with the guy first said the word, is a huge clue to how fake it was.

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