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Review of Ancient Aliens S08E09 "Alien Wars"

10/2/2015

16 Comments

 
Star Wars is undoubtedly an inspiration for Ancient Aliens, which frequently uses the movies as an aesthetic touchstone for the graphics they design to depict aliens, so why not actually do an episode on aliens fighting star wars and relate it to ancient myth, just like the movie? That’s the premise of S08E09 “Alien Wars,” though the end result is mostly paranoia and conspiracy rather than grand mythic narrative. 
Segment 1
We open in Britain in 2002 to recount Gary McKinnon’s arrest for hacking the U.S. government in order to find information about UFOs. McKinnon claimed that he found on Pentagon computers evidence of a secret U.S. military space program, one that launched people and ships into orbit without a single telescope on earth noticing. The show gives great credence to Paul Hellyer, the former Canadian defense minister, who in his 80s—decades after leaving office—decided that he now believed in aliens, UFOs, and ancient astronauts after watching a Peter Jennings documentary on the same. The show uses his onetime government position to imply something that isn’t true: that Hellyer’s conclusions come from his government office rather than the TV show he admitted to be his source. David Wilcock further asserts that unnamed people have confirmed to him that America has diplomatic relations with space beings.
 
I’ll grant the show this: This is the first time I’ve ever heard the narrator say “ancient astronaut theorists say ‘no’” instead of “yes.” He says this in answer to the question of whether all twelve (!) species of space alien are in a “unified confederation.” Instead, the AATs believe that the aliens are fighting a war against each other for control of the earth.
 
The show makes use of the Indian Science Congress’s presentation on Sanskrit ancient astronaut claims from earlier this year—an embarrassment to Indian science I covered back when it happened in January. This sets up a recap of the claims about the cosmic battles and flying ships of the Sanskrit epic poems covered so many times, with no discernible difference. They continue to claim that the Mahabharata should be taken, for example, as literally true, a claim going back to the pilot episode.
Segment 2
The second segment opens at Dwarka, a coastal Indian city said to have been destroyed in a terrible war according to the Mahabharata (8.33-34), annihilated by flaming arrows from a flying chariot. Under the sea, archaeologists found sunken ruins they’d like us to identify as having been destroyed by this chariot. Another submerged Indian city is also discussed, the Seven Pagodas of Mahabalipuram (of which one is above land, and the other six may or may not be mythical), and the logic runs like this: If there are ruins under the sea, and there are myths about these cities, then the myths must be true because the cities are. (Thus, for example, Spider-Man exists because New York City is real.) Tsoukalos describes the nearby stone rathas (literally, a chariot, of Persian origin) as spaceships, even though the stone monuments they show on screen have sculpted wheels to clearly indicate that they are meant to depict chariots, not spaceships. The graphics elide this by making the wheels dissolve into circular space stations. 
Segment 3
It’s an article of faith among ancient astronaut theorists that there was a lost planet between Mars and Jupiter whose destruction gave rise to the asteroid belt, and the show discusses Zecharia Sitchin’s fraudulent “translation” of Mesopotamian texts to defend the notion that such texts tell us that the inhabitants of this lost world colonized the earth. The show confuses Sumerians and Babylonians, but at this point, is that even a surprise? Jason Martell, who also doesn’t know Sumerians from Babylonians despite claiming to be a world expert in Sumer, tells us that the aliens built a pyramid on Ceres, and that NASA photographs of reflections on Ceres are the lights of the aliens’ ancient technology.
 
From this, all of the AATs agree that all global myths involving a conflict between gods represent real battles between different groups of aliens. We humans, David Wilcock says, are the descendants of the “winners,” but some of the losers are still standing by to destroy us.
 
At this point the show teases an upcoming segment that will recap material from an earlier episode, and they don’t even try to hide it.
 
As we go to commercial, History announces that tonight’s extra special sponsor of pseudoscientific lies is Sonic. That seems about right. The ancient astronaut theory and Sonic are both outdated relics of the middle twentieth century, and they’re both filled with empty calories.
Segment 4
Are aliens obsessed with nuclear power? This was a pressing concern in the middle twentieth century, and the remains of that nuclear-obsessed era carry over into modern ancient astronautics. This segment comes to us pretty close to repeating exactly the material from the Unexplained Files last year and even features some of the same talking heads, but that episode was echoing the still earlier Ancient Aliens S06E13, which I covered back in February 2014, and don’t need to repeat here just because Ancient Aliens chooses to recycle the same material. After this, the show repeats material about vitrified Libyan desert glass covered back in S06E08, except that in that episode they explained the glass as the result of a meteor impact but now have decided that it’s the result of nuclear bombing by aliens. A different set of talking heads from the ones who were confident that the glass was meteoric in 2013 are now equally certain that the glass is nuclear in origin. David Childress was originally a nuclear glass proponent in the early 2000s before switching to meteors for S06E08. The producers don’t bother to give him a chance to contradict himself again, which is a shame, since it’s clear that the producers of this show don’t watch their own product and it would have at least provided a mildly amusing moment.
Segment 5
This segment reaches all the way back to September to repeat material from S08E07 about the Van Allen radiation belt and its protective function. They deliver an almost point-for-point repeat of the earlier claim that the Van Allen belt is an artificial alien construct. The program then accepts the fraudulent Majestic-12 documents are legitimate on the word of Ryan S. Wood’s MAJIC: Eyes Only (2005). The documents remain fake, and this is just irresponsible, even for Ancient Aliens. 
Segment 6
Our final segment repeats material from S03E10 on alleged copper cauldrons found in Siberia. I didn’t mention them in my review, which is a shame since I have to do it now. There isn’t a lot of information about them, but the copper domes are certainly not coverings for lasers to blast UFOs out of the sky. There are no images of these cauldrons because the modern myth is a ufology-enhanced exaggeration of real but much less impressive archaeological find from long ago, a ring of copper seen in 1853 and assumed by R. K. Maak to be the edge of a big bowl; no such cauldrons have ever been documented in modern times. In 1936 another explorer claimed to have found a copper roof, but neglected to document it. Oh, well. The show finishes with some claptrap about the potential for extermination of the human race unless we reactivate the cauldron defense system and beam happy thoughts at the UFOs. No, that wasn’t it? Oh, well, it’s close enough, especially for a recycled episode that accepts Majestic-12 as real.
16 Comments
Only Me
10/3/2015 03:14:02 am

These guys never do explain what makes Earth such a tempting prize. If you're going to galactic war over a planet, there *must* be a reason that all sides agree upon. Even stranger, all these epic battles and the superweapons involved happened in the distant past, with no modern examples, though the fight still rages.

And pyramids on Ceres? Really? I guess if our ancestors had built cones, there would be cones on Mars, Pluto and Ceres, right? I'm not touching the stupidity needed to claim the Van Allen radiation belt is artificial.

Knowing people believe these morons makes me weep for humanity.

Reply
jiiikoo
11/1/2015 12:05:25 pm

This is what always has baffled me. What on Earth (pun intended) would they want here? There is not one single thing on Earth that shouldn't/wouldn't be more abundant on another planet somewhere else. And to be honest, us humans aren't all that special so why should they even care what happens to us. Oh, I forgot. Humans have a secret knowledge or some other BS that makes us matter. This just grinds my gears.

Reply
FrankenNewYork
10/3/2015 09:08:01 am

I saw the advanced planetary defense system on a primitive planet in an episode of Star Trek. The people of that planet thought Kirk was a god, even though he had amnesia (he managed to get the girl anyway.) Not my favorite episode but it was more entertaining than this.

Reply
Clete
10/3/2015 12:41:43 pm

Twelve alien races? I have heard of the large greys, the small greys, the ones who look like insects and the ones who look like reptiles, but who are the others? The Viking from the planet of Minnesota? The Pirates from the planet of the three rivers Pittsburgh, the Mariners from the water planet of Seattle, the Dodgers from the freeway planet of Los Angeles, the Indians from the lake planet of Cleveland, the Tigers from the auto planet of Detroit and then the two races from the alien planet of New York, The Mets and the Yankees. Why would they be fighting over planet Earth, after all only one can win and become champion of the world.

Reply
Shane Sullivan
10/3/2015 12:58:21 pm

"The Viking from the planet of Minnesota?"

Well, actually...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nordic_aliens

Reply
Mike
10/3/2015 01:52:00 pm

Ah, The Nordics...the superior ultra white race out to save mankind from their dirty Gray subordinates. How could it be any different?

Reply
Bob Jase
10/3/2015 02:09:55 pm

Giant cauldrons, eh? That ties directly to that book - To Serve Man.

Reply
Clint Knapp
10/3/2015 02:59:04 pm

I can't believe I'm saying this, but... Where's Richard C. Hoagland when you need him? (Besides following Art Bell every weeknight with the single most self-serving radio show I've ever heard)

This entire episode seems primed and ready for Hoagland's brand of lunacy, in which we are essentially to believe Asimov's Foundation series is not an extrapolation of the future, but a record of the past. To Hoagland, the war for the solar system led to the ancient aliens actually being our direct ancestors. I think that'd go a long way toward rehabilitating the ephemeral nature AA's aliens have taken on in the last few seasons.

Or, at least, confusing the hell out of the whole mess a little more; and really, isn't that the point of the series by now?

Reply
Scott Hamilton
10/3/2015 07:10:01 pm

Twelve signs of the Zodiac, twelve alien races. Coincidence? Ancient alien researchers say, "no."

Reply
SouthCoast
10/3/2015 08:39:51 pm

"...annihilated by flaming arrows from a flying chariot." Sounds more like an early version of an incendiary fire kite than a "spaceship" to me. But that would be too simple an explanation.

Reply
Sergios
10/3/2015 11:00:11 pm

Well I look at these shows as entertainment as a " what if" kind of scenario. Do they raise some points? Of course. But I find it so laughable that they, indirectly, point to "science not having an answer".

Science, and our understanding of science evolves and isn't absolute or static, which means that our understanding can and will change if there is quantifiable evidence and repeatable tests that will disprove a certain established "theory or law".

Again it is crazy how people use religious texts utilize modern day viewpoints to explain the most crazy things. The evidence that is provided is fairly weak> Agreed the hacking of nasa and other organisations can be called in as "evidence" but every gov and agency knows how vulnerable electronic data is. Why would they want to store potentially harmful data electronically, which can be hacked ( of course if you can limit the internet access to only a hand full.. but still the old fashioned paper dossier is far better).. So that is kind of an odd one ( the hacking of Nasa and other agencies and having seems some kind of "federation type" or UN of planets structure) But i digress.

Nasa's statement a couple years back was that " water was a scare commodity in the galaxy" to nowadays " water is basically everywhere". When the evidence is there, scientists will adjust their theories and "laws".

Now about ET's or alien races: as far as i know only 1 is found ( though even that one is highly debated about the origin) and it is a fossilized microbe found in a meteorite ( or brought back from a lunar mission can't remember which.. but hey it's 4am here so give me a break :) ). Now if math is the only way to communicate... we are totally goners. Even the bankers and bank tellers ( not all but a lot) cant do basic math ( points toward economic crises)

About ETs and the number... there is a document floating around that it is 124 different kind of species... so either history forgot to put the 4 after the 12 or ... haha

Now honestly i don't want to dismiss "UFO" sightings out of hand or belittle people that have these kind of experiences but people have to check themselves first ( that is my opinion). First question: did you smoke, snort, shot, eaten, etc any kind of drugs or if you are taking medication; are there any side effects? second: make a video of "said encounter" and steady yourself against something solid ( door frame, whatever). Third: make sure it isn't just a reflection ( like some Russian kids "filmed a UFO over Moskau" but it was a car headlight that was coming from behind that reflected off a couple of things in the car)

Anyway if aliens where her what do they want or need? are they loving the violence we commit every day to one another? Do they like nuclear energy ( if they are so advanced why would they use nuclear energy). Are they intrigued by the religious extremism? Are they, like some ancient alien believers suggest, just playing a "risk" board game but then with us as "soldiers" that they move around on the board ( doesn't that say a lot about the morals and intentions of these "aliens" if they even exist at all?).

It is all to star-trekkian for me to believe. an episode of the Voyager series keeps popping up where Jakotay and seven are stranded on a planet with "early hominids" where the planet is protected by a "force field" to curb any interference from outside... Would it be cool to live in a star-trek like society where there is no poverty, virtual no crime, where you can be who you want to be, where you do not have to worry about money or food, a society where science is held in high regard.. well yes it would be very cool but sadly that is an Utopian view ( at least for now)

Reply
Kal
10/4/2015 04:26:34 pm

These shows fail to use reasoning or logic to explain events, because if they did, they would not have a show. It must be aliens...well just because it must be! This is not a reasonable straw man.

An alien war, like something out of Star Wars, sounds like fun but doesn't explain why the aliens would even give a flying chariot full of flaming arrows what Earth people are doing.

If they're that advanced, they don't care about us either way, which is good because current scientists like Hawking explain that we might not want to actually talk to aliens, especially if they're so advanced they would just feast on us and leave.

But since aliens haven't done it, they probably haven't in the past.

Hydrogen and water are very abundant. with hydrogen being the most so in our galaxy, and oxygen added to hydrogen makes water, so it too is quite common. Aliens would not come for water. They would just find it where they're from. Sorry tv series V and the reptiles.

The van allen belts are pretty definitively understood using our satellites and instruments. They are caused by the movement of the iron nickel core of the Earth moving. It is not that hard to figure out how magnetism works. It's taught in grade school.

The aliens would not come for minerals, such as gold, and diamond, because they would be so advanced they could make them or mine them in space.

The asteroid belt was never a planet that blew up. That is from old stories, mostly science fiction. It never formed into a planet. Jupiter and Mars had something to do with it.

Reply
terry the censor
10/5/2015 03:23:16 am

> there was a lost planet between Mars and Jupiter...Sitchin’s fraudulent “translation” of Mesopotamian texts...tell us that the inhabitants of this lost world colonized the earth.

That is also the premise of the 1957 Toho scifi movie, The Mysterians.

See the section "The Asteroid Belt and Planet X" at the link, which discusses this very same claim, as made at an Aetherius Society talk in Toronto a few years ago.

http://www.skepticnorth.com/2012/01/toronto-aetherius-society-jesus-venusians-and-some-bad-astronomy-part-1/

Reply
Tony
10/5/2015 06:16:32 pm

I suspect that this episode is worth watching just to hear the experts mispronounce "Mahabharata."

Reply
Erico
10/6/2015 07:59:29 am

It is alredady worth watching, for the Battlestar Galactica footage they took from the older series ...

Reply
The Grim
10/8/2015 03:37:40 am

My sons 7th grade class and all his friends say about this show "it such crap that is all made up"
that give me hope!
One idiot on the facebook page for this stupid show wrote
"they out to show this in school so they can learn the truth"
I wrote "so they can be even stupider than you!"

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