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Review of Ancient Aliens S16E01 "The Divine Number"

11/13/2020

28 Comments

 
Picture
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Forgive me if the thought of doing this all again is more than I can quite take. Ancient Aliens has been off the air since the pandemic struck, and this is the first episode back since executive producer Kevin Burns died. It’s not a terribly auspicious start. Hell, this episode even features a commercial for penis-straightening, so ugh. Their audience is pretty obvious. The theme of this episode is the “divine” number twelve, and the whole episode is devoted to finding instances of twelves in mythology, architecture, and nature. There is nothing mystical about twelve. It’s special only because it contains a large number of factors—1, 2, 3, 4, and 6—and many significant multiples—24, 60, 72, etc.—making it a fairly obvious candidate for a “special” that can be used to join any number of natural or mystically significant digits. There are twelve months in the lunar year, which is all the explanation you really need.
The first segment of the show simply lists times that twelve appears in Christian mythology. That’s it. Nothing about significance. Just numbers. For a show that already did a similar but more engaging episode about the number three back in season six and another about the number nine in season eleven, it’s a rather depressing letdown. Which is it, Ancient Aliens? Is every number a secret alien code? Are numbers themselves an alien secret? I know pseudohistorians don’t like math, but making it an unknowable extraterrestrial conspiracy seems a bit of an extreme reaction to your unpleasant school years.
 
The second segment goes to Göbekli Tepe in Turkey to complain that hunter-gatherers weren’t smart enough to build large stone structures and then to ask why the enclosures have twelve pillars. Similarly, they ask why other stone structures have twelve standing stones, and why the Israelites erected twelve standing stones. Although the lunar calendar offers enough explanation, the show instead insists the it represents the dodecahedral shape of space-time recently proposed. They claim Plato had knowledge of this because he imagined the cosmos as a dodecahedron. Cool story, bro. He chose that shape because a dodecahedron has pentagonal sides, so each face had five sides, representing the quintessence, and therefore the dodecahedron was the quintessence inflated from two dimensions to three—i.e., perfect.
 
And so, nearly halfway through the show, they have said virtually nothing at all. They are barely half-assing this, and they seem to be having difficulty going back to their earlier talking-head and stock footage b-roll style after several seasons of field segments and personal journeys.
 
In the third segment, the show asks why Mesopotamians counted by twelves instead of tens and why “giants” are depicted as having six fingers or toes. The show asks if aliens have six digits and liked to fuck human women, but the better answer is that if we humans have five fingers, then the higher creatures must be more perfect and have six. The show isn’t interested in this reasoning, however. Instead, it suggests that genetic polydactyly produces health benefits. I am a little disturbed by the way that the show talks about “lineages” that are more likely to have polydactyl members, with a strong implication that some bloodlines are genetically superior for having been fucked by aliens. The talking heads suggest that polydactyly is an intentional action of space aliens to “call our attention” to the number twelve.
 
The fourth segment is a waste of air time alleging that the so-called Majestic-12, a 1980s hoax claiming to reveal a 1950s government committee that worked with space aliens, is real. The MJ-12 documents bear no relationship to or connection with actual authentic CIA, FBI, and Air Force documents from the 1940s and 1950s, and being so different, there is no reason to suppose all other documents are wrong and only those have the “truth.” The show asks why MJ-12 used twelve people, but since it never existed, there is no point in asking. The hoaxer chose a number that resonated with mythology and history and sounded good to the ear. But the show prefers to suggest that MJ-12 is the fulfillment of the prophecies of the Book of Revelation. They ask if the book’s New Jerusalem is an alien mothership. Even the show doesn’t believe this and goes on to argue that Revelation isn’t about a physical city from the sky but rather preparation for a spiritual enlightenment. They might as well just admit to being Unitarian Universalists and give up the farce that this show has anything to do with space aliens.
 
The fifth segment discusses the Maya Apocalypse panic from 2012, when the Maya calendar came to the end of its long count. Without evidence, the show alleges that the year was a “turning point in history.” Unable to find evidence to support that claim, they allege that the cosmic significance of that year was discovery of the Higgs Boson, the twelfth fundamental particle of the standard model of physics. I’m guessing that the Maya didn’t really have that in mind. They also try to relate it to an energy pulse from space detected by scientists that year. Although it was seemingly random, the show alleges it was an alien signal. If 2012 truly was a turning point in human history and evolution, you’d think we’d have seen some kind of benefit after nearly a decade. After the chaos of 2016-2020, it’s kind of hard to argue that 2012 was the real world-changing year.
 
The final segment relates the number twelve to music and astrology, particularly Pythagoras’ idea that the music of the spheres moving the wandering stars were equal to the twelve tones of music. The show concludes with the idea that our consciousness, when hopped up on twelve, can influence the vibration of the strings underlying reality and then give us control over reality. I guess it requires two six-packs to make this show palatable. I knew I had to be doing something wrong.
28 Comments
Jim
11/14/2020 12:00:16 am

Beer comes in 12 packs,,,,,, Aliens.

Reply
Jason Colavito link
11/14/2020 07:10:18 am

Sometimes a joke is funnier when we don't get into all the technicalities!

Reply
Jim
11/14/2020 01:07:14 pm

What joke ?

https://prnewswire2-a.akamaihd.net/p/1893751/sp/189375100/thumbnail/entry_id/1_3xz7ud6g/def_height/1414/def_width/2700/version/100011/type/2/q/100

Kent
11/14/2020 01:05:34 pm

While I'm far from an "It's all stars, man!" kind of fellow, I'm surprised that no one has brought 歲星 Jupiter into the discussion. And no, I didn't need Google Translate for that, anonymous mouse.

Reply
Kent
11/14/2020 11:12:44 am

I've always found 12 to be a sublime number.

"a strong implication that some bloodlines are genetically superior for having been fucked by aliens." Substitute "not inbred" and it makes sense.

"After the chaos of 2016-2020" I'm sorry, remind me what was the chaos?

"There is nothing mystical about twelve."
Depends on your definition of "mystical". No man is a hero to his valet.

"It’s special only because it contains a large number of factors—1, 2, 3, 4, and 6—and many significant multiples—24, 60, 72, etc." Technically it's special for many more reasons and NO number "contains" multiples. You argue against yourself when you call 24, 60, and 72 "significant". I don't find them significant.

"The show asks if aliens ... but the better answer is ..." You have to admit that that sentence makes no sense.

I am alone with my sheep, but my sheep are not alone with me.

Reply
E.P. Grondine
11/14/2020 12:25:18 pm

Hi Jason - Unless someone is paying you for these reviews, you would be better off woking on your writing projects. It is certain that they can always come up with more "stuff".

Reply
Kent
11/14/2020 03:04:34 pm

You should take your own advice instead of coming up with "more stuff". No one comes here thinking "I wonder what Mr. Grondine has to say!" The same is true of me, but I don't try to tell Jason how to fix his books.

While we're on the subject, Man and Impact in the Americas or whatever you call it is still available on Amazon so not "sold out" and since it's self-published there's no such thing as it being "sold out".

Jason has publishers. 'Nuff said.

Reply
E,P, Grondine
11/16/2020 09:41:26 am

Order your copy through amazon today, kent! As it will never arrive, I suggest using the used book dealers,

I actually turned down publishers. The terms were not very good,

I am not telling Jason how to fix his books. I bought a copy of his moundbulders book, and I do have suggestions for improvement of it, It is just short of being very, very good. But tackling a markup will have to be later on, should he desire one.

I have entirely enough stuff to deal with, I've met a number of young writers over the years.

Kent
11/16/2020 12:25:40 pm

"Order your copy through amazon today, kent! As it will never arrive, I suggest using the used book dealers,"

It's no surprise that many people have gotten rid of your book. When I want to waste money I will steal from Doc Rock and there will be alcohol and imaginary waitresses involved.

"I actually turned down publishers. The terms were not very good,"

Would it surprise you if I said that sounds like a lie?

"I am not telling Jason how to fix his books."

Yes, you very much are.

"I have entirely enough stuff to deal with, I've met a number of young writers over the years."

I do not need to hear your tales of cruising.

E.P.Grondine
11/17/2020 09:24:45 am

Well,well, well, Kent,

I come here in the morning while I am waking up, before I tackle the serious work of the day.

I used True Type Fonts instead of Adobe, and had to use smaller type to make it all fit in. Some copies are resold because it is difficult to read..Important Lesson: use Adobe fonts.

IMO, Jason shod re-work his moundbuilders book to print on demand. But he seems tied to traditional publishing methods.

You have no idea of acdemic publishers royalty terms.

Many of the young space reporters I met went on to successful writing careers, and then I met several writers in Kempton. No cruising involved. Not my thing.

Doc rock
11/17/2020 05:09:35 pm

Ah yes, those mythical creatures that serve cocktails and cheese fries at the corner pub. Ranks right up there with unicorns.

Moving away from one member of the kiddie to another; E.P., in general the reviews and occasional useful remark in the comments section helps to develop content for potential future publication projects beyond those currently underway. Doesnt hurt to keep tossing bones to the ancient aliens crowd in general to keep them coming back. That's why the blog continues to operate in much its traditional form contrary to earlier indications to the contrary.

I shall now pour another glass of chard and continue viewing the second episode of Reality Z.

Kent
11/18/2020 10:45:45 am

Well, there's the kiddie table and there's "the home" or as I like to call it "The Church of the Early Bird Special".

Keep in mind that Mister Grondine once tried to give me a master class in how to say "fuck you (plural)" in Chinese.

http://www.jasoncolavito.com/blog/frank-joseph-and-the-conference-of-the-crystal-skull

Rock Knocker
11/14/2020 08:18:16 pm

It’s great to finally see another deconstruction of AA, sad as the episode was. I just watched it, and, well.....no improvement - as if I expected that. Thanks Jason, your analysis is still valued.


.

Reply
E.P. Grondine
11/16/2020 09:45:14 am

And there is an hour of your life you will never have back.

Reply
Bill
11/14/2020 10:27:40 pm

Personally, the stupidity of the show is wearing thin. The statements and claims as so outlandish and Childress and other chime in "logically it had to be aliens" - No, there are thousands of plausible non-crazy options.

The thing that annoyed me most was actually the depictions of the continents and countries. Canada is *NOT* covered in snow year round (usually 3-4 months for most regions) as seems to be the implication with the world / north america graphic showing it in white. I also love how the snow essentially stops at the Canada / US border (with a small exception in the west). I guess NY, Mi, Il, etc never get any snow.

Reply
Charles Verrastro link
11/15/2020 05:56:09 pm

I never saw snow when I lived in Buffalo, and I could (literally) see Canada from my kitchen window.

Reply
Bill
11/15/2020 10:01:09 pm

Then you couldn't have lived there very long. Just saying.

https://www.currentresults.com/Weather/New-York/Places/buffalo-snowfall-totals-snow-accumulation-averages.php

Charles Verrastro link
11/18/2020 03:37:28 pm

That was (obviously) a joke. I still have pictures of my brother and I sledding down the snow piled up to my second story bedroom window onto the golf course across the street. And I often walked across Erie to fish in Canada. Saved that long bike ride to the Peace Bridge. And no, Kent, I didn't walk on water. It froze up every winter.
That's why I moved to South Florida as soon as I graduated.

Cruelsister
11/15/2020 07:26:06 am

Please note a few things about MJ-12:

1). M is the 13th letter of the alphabet
2). J is the 10th letter of the alphabet
3). Subtracting 13 from 10 equals 3
4). MJ12 contains 4 characters
5). So 4 times 3 = 12!!!!!!
6). Therefore Aliens exist

QED




Reply
Nick Danger
11/16/2020 10:17:00 am

Do you write for AA? You could!

Reply
Lyn McConchie
11/15/2020 11:53:11 pm

a friend of mine in Seattle had a polydactyl cat and the cat's son was polydactyl too. Um, is this an indication that the aliens also 'liked' cats?

Reply
Kent
11/16/2020 12:28:19 pm

Hemingway.

Reply
Ken
11/16/2020 03:01:11 am

Best oxymoron of 2020 - "Ancient alien scholars... "

Reply
Darold knowles
11/17/2020 12:21:22 am

I wonder how much overlap there is of people who watch Ancient Aliens and those who seriously believe that Trump lost because of voter fraud.

Reply
The Rooster
11/17/2020 01:07:55 am

"No one comes here thinking "I wonder what Mr. Grondine has to say!" The same is true of me...

I don't think so, Brother, that that is true.

Mm mm.

You are certainly wrong on the latter.

❤️

Geez? I suppose I have to add something of substance, related to the thread. K.

Thanks, Jason, for tormenting yourself, and sharing the pain. 😅😅😅

I suppose all else I got is a giant "shout-out" for Doxiadis' Ekistics. Otherwise? Where would we all be?

Total doom to Doubters. We built all this. We lifted the rocks. We tread the paths.

I swear? The Doubters?

Let's take "Down Town LeRoy Brown".

No mercy.

❤️

Reply
Jim
11/17/2020 04:43:38 pm

I finally got around to listening to (portions of ) Scott Wolter on a new fade to black episode,,, yikes Aliens here we go !

The second half of the excruciatingly long 3 hour show deals with aliens/UFOs.

Wolter insinuates that a disappearing woman he saw at the Newport Tower was probably an alien !!,,hahahaha
He also claims (in his usual mealy mouthed manner of saying something but leaving wiggle room to deny) some person or persons from the government have met with him to disclose that aliens are among us and that they (the Government) are looking for credible people like himself to help spread the word.

approx 2 hour 8 minute mark. for the start of that particular bit of nonsense.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/d7B5l1QtD-g

P.S. I said to myself 12 times during the show "I just can't take anymore"

Reply
Kent
11/18/2020 10:41:50 am

To Wolter's credit he has kept it tight, as befits a former D league football major.

Reply
Matt Agajanian
3/5/2021 11:30:53 pm

So... the number 12 is divine/sacred. Hmm? Why not 12 original colonies? Why not The Twelve Commandments?

Reply

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