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Review of Ancient Aliens S16E05 "The Forbidden Bible"

12/18/2020

25 Comments

 
Picture
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This week, the former director of the CIA from 2013 to 2017, John Brennan, appeared on a podcast to say that he was intrigued by the Navy UFO videos promoted by To the Star Academy of Arts and Science. He said that we cannot exclude the possibility that flying saucers are vehicles driven by beings from other worlds and that we must keep an open mind. He wasn’t speaking from official knowledge, only from his personal speculation about otherworldly life, conflating the scientific probability of life somewhere in the universe with the improbable idea that large numbers of such beings are visiting us to pose for blurry selfies and sodomize the unwary. This depressing speculation from a former high official helps explain why cable TV thinks the 927,000 weekly Ancient Aliens viewers are a desirable and powerful demographic of senior citizens (the vast majority of viewers are over 50) worth catering to.
But is this the right way to keep people watching? The last few weeks of Ancient Aliens have been an embarrassing collection of repackaged segments and heavily recycled claims to try to push product during a pandemic. It was possible to watch in real time how the show’s writers packed together bits and pieces of old episodes and then, looking for ways to keep recycling, repackaged it yet again for the next. Hence, outtakes from an old episode on Sardinia were used to discuss Sardinia itself and then giants. And now that same material on the giants inspired this episode, perhaps the laziest yet, recycling previously recycled garbage on Biblical and apocryphal Judeo-Christian mythology. I trust that even the most casual viewer is familiar enough with these claims that I don’t need to highlight all the previous occurrences of their various claims about giants, fallen angels, etc. If I linked to them all, the whole review would just be hyperlinks.
 
There is very little to do other than simply list which claims they repeated this time.
Segment 1
  • The segment starts in Ethiopia to rehearse familiar stories that its mythic connection to Solomon and Sheba is true. It cites Ethiopia’s canonization of the Book of Enoch as something important, mostly an excuse to rehearse even more familiar stories about Enoch, the Watchers, and the Nephilim.
  • While it is true that the full book exists only in Ge’ez, fragments of the Greek text do exist, so it is not entirely true that it is known only from Ethiopian evidence.
  • Tsoukalos claims the book describes an alien “abduction” and removal to a spaceship. Nothing in the story has anything to do with that, but if you decide that “heaven” is space or a spaceship, I suppose anything can sound like anything else.
  • Tsoukalos claims that Zeus seizing Ganymede to become his paramour and houseboy is also an alien abduction equivalent to Enoch. I guess the alien believers really have a thing about anal probing. There’s probably something psychosexual about that.
Segment 2
  • The second segment suggests that the Book of Enoch was omitted from Western Bibles because it was too “dangerous.” It was omitted because its theology was incompatible with emerging Christian orthodoxy, particularly in terms of the notion of sin, which Enoch ascribes to fallen angels but Christians believed came from the original sin of Eve. Both Jews and Christians of the early centuries CE rejected the notion that angels could sin, and therefore they ultimately rejected the Book of Enoch, not because of its supposed alien secrets.
  • Much of this segment describes the story of the Fallen Angels from Enoch and tries to connect it to biblical passages. There are connections—the texts are in conversation with each other—but the show is too dumb to parse the complex intertextual discussions.
  • Instead, the show asks if prophets and patriarchs who ascended bodily to heaven, including Enoch, Elijah, and Jesus, were simply abducted by aliens.
Segment 3
  • The third segment deals with the Dead Sea Scrolls, particularly the Book of Giants, a fragmented text describing Enoch’s visit to the Giants before the Flood and his prophecy of their destruction.
  • The segment describes text from the Genesis Apocryphon, a text that describes Noah as holding a divine radiance, such as Jewish lore ascribed to the equally saintly Seth. The show doesn’t actually know the text (they don’t even call it by its currently accepted name), so it summarizes Erich von Däniken’s faulty discussion, complete with the mistakes he made decades ago.
  • The remainder of the segment shows how scholars are using technology to read damaged or unreadable parts of ancient scrolls. Tsoukalos suggests that such texts could have references to aliens and therefore this work is a corroboration of the ancient astronaut theory. That is not logic works.
Segment 4
  • The fourth segment discusses the Genesis Flood narrative, and Kathleen McGowan Coppens mistakenly claims that Enoch’s version only washes away Nephilim. That’s not true. Everything on the Earth is killed off in both versions, but Enoch explains that the Flood was sent purposely to destroy the Giants, though a percentage of their souls were allowed to become demons to pester future humans.
  • The show goes full creationists and argues that a “growing” number of experts believe Noah’s Flood really happened. It then repeats earlier episodes’ claims about finding Noah’s Ark. As ought to be obvious, there is no evidence of a Great Flood. Instead, the show tries to claim that a comet impact around 10,500 BCE was the Great Flood, despite its alleged impact being fire, not water, and a cold snap—again, not a flood. So the Flood is not a flood but is therefore true because it is literally false. Sure, whatever.
Segment 5
  • Fuck me, this segment is about medieval pyramid myths! That’s the subject of my forthcoming book, Legends of the Pyramids, due out in August from Indiana University Press’s trade division.
  • The show cites al-Maqrizi’s pyramid myth but is completely unaware that it is a somewhat bastardized copy of the version given in the Akhbar al-zaman. In fact, it isn’t even al-Maqrizi’s own work. He was summarizing earlier writers.
  • Erich von Däniken falsely claims that the Islamic texts allege that Surid built the Great Pyramid and Enoch was the same as Surid. This is false, as I have shown many times. From at least the ninth century, Islam recognized Enoch as being the same as Hermes Trismegistus, another figure alleged to have built the Great Pyramid. (Originally, he and Enoch were thought to have built the Temple at Akhmim, not the Great Pyramid. That story emerged only after 1000 CE.) He was not the same as Surid in any medieval text. Indeed, Surid was roped into the story by anti-Hermetic writers to replace Hermes-Enoch.
  • The show repeats a false claim, debunked many times, that Col. Vyse fabricated the cartouche of Khufu found in the Great Pyramid in 1835.
  • The show asks us to believe the pyramid wasn’t Khufu’s work because “no mummy” was found in the pyramid. However, the same Arabic text the show claims as evidence specifically claims that a large number of Egyptian royal mummies were found inside, with (accurate) descriptions of what Egyptian mummies looked like, with their grave goods. You can’t have it both ways.
  • Von Däniken claims that a hidden chamber in the pyramid contains Enoch’s written account of life before the Flood along with pre-Flood mummies.
Segment 6
  • The final segment describes what they claim is a prophecy in 1 Enoch 91 that Enoch will return after a thousand years. This does not appear in the standard translation of the text. I do not recall it being anywhere in the book, but it has been a while since I read the whole thing.
  • The show describes various claims that prophets and messiahs will come again and suggest they are returning aliens.
25 Comments
Amartyesh
12/19/2020 12:39:30 am

After watching season 16 now I am thinking even season 14 and 15 were much better than it. Don't you

Reply
Doc rock
12/19/2020 02:19:02 am

Cue the usual argument that a pyramid containing a sarcophagus in the middle of a funerary complex and which all archaeological data indicate was built by circa 2500BC Egyptians is not a tomb and could not possibly have been built by circa 2500BC Egyptians.





Reply
E.P. Grondine
12/19/2020 10:27:34 am

Hi Doc -

It is interesting to note the rather complete and intentional ignorance of the Oriental Institute's excavations of the workmen's quarters at the pyramids.

I suppose I should point out here that for a small donation they will send you a copy of their annual field report. Very good reading, and worth the price.

Reply
Fraudulent Bible & Fraudulent Flying Saucers
12/19/2020 03:48:57 am

Humankind remains static and the same when it comes to gullibility. Human history was depicted mythologically thousands of years ago and there are people today who wish to do that same thing.

Reply
John Brennan CIA
12/19/2020 03:58:46 am

The same CIA that took an interest in Uri Geller via Hall Puthoff during the 1970s-- and the same CIA that took an interest in the psychic investigation by Ingo Swann & Harold Sherman through remote viewing of the Planet Jupiter during the 1970s. There's not much difference between Ancient Aliens and the American Government.

Reply
Ice pirate
12/19/2020 07:40:20 pm

Although most of the government's stupidity with much of this material can be discussed in the past tense. Ancient Aliens stupidity is ongoing and will still be getting recycled decades from now.

Reply
E.P. Grondne
12/19/2020 10:22:36 am

Yet more confused nonsense about the giants.

For the "giants" of Enoch, see Andrew Collins "From the Ashes of Angels".

My hypothesis is that tall people, X mt DNA, evolved in the food rich environment of the Black Sea region. The haplogroup can be traced from there.

For me this is really strange, since every year I have run into X mt DNA descendants on the powwow circuit.

Reply
The Giants
12/19/2020 10:44:51 am

More giant leaps of fantasy.

Reply
Kent
12/19/2020 03:31:57 pm

Dude, you idiot,

Since most food is on the ground (even "on the hoof" is on the ground) how does an abundant diet select for height in a natural selection sense? It makes more sense to say as science has taught us that as diet improves height increase to what the Imaginary Good Lord intended.

I think the fellow who coined the phrase "sidekick of stupidity" may have been on to something. The Plains Indians were documented as the tallest Indians and photography is apparently an alien technology in your world.

Reply
E.P. Grondine
12/19/2020 06:28:31 pm

Actually, Kent, the Andaste were the tallest Native Americans. The Osage are he tallest today.

" It makes more sense to say as science has taught us that as diet improves height increase to what the Imaginary Good Lord intended."

Carefully note the Japanese increase in height after WWII, when their diets improved.

Now as far as the Black Sea area goes, note the abundance of seafood.

Kent
12/22/2020 03:40:13 pm

Grading this essay is disturbing.

Wrong on tallest Indians. You can argue the documentation with the anthropologists, anthropometricians and demographers.

Wrong on your Lamarckian understanding of genes and evolution.

On the bright side, top marks for pointing out that bodies of water contain fish. I believe you were the first to do that.

Corey
12/19/2020 04:01:41 pm

Out of curiosity, what is your definition of Giant? 6'5"? 8'? 10'? 20'? That makes a big difference.

Reply
E.P. Grondine
12/19/2020 06:35:28 pm

"giants" is a word used by others.

I don't know if you can imagine this, but try around 7'9'' plus. And proportionate. It is similar to being around a lot of NBA players, but the clothes aren't as sharp. For some reason, I think you have not experienced that either.

AW
12/20/2020 12:18:03 pm

I’m not sure about how to define a giant, but Kent certainly constitutes the perfect example of a mental midget.

Kent
12/22/2020 03:46:18 pm

Also, like vampires they cannot be photographed. There's a rough trade subtext below the surface here. Then there's the NBA's longtime ban on Indians obliging the organization to follow Muhammad's supposed dictum "Seek ye centers and verily point guards even unto China."

Paul
12/19/2020 05:43:03 pm

Where is your proof that x mt DNA is related to tall people? Did you know that x1 and x2 are not the same? Did you know that the x mt dna likely migrated through northern eurasia 30k to 12k years ago and not with some imagined giants across the atlantic? Did you know that your opinion is not even up to rudimentary science levels? Suggestion, stop running into x mt dna descendants, you are likely hurting them.

Reply
E.P. Grondine
12/22/2020 07:58:37 pm

Paul -

Are you familiar with Canadian Maritime Archaic?
Are you familiar with Native American haplogroups?

Speaking about rudimentary science levels is beyond your competence, otherwise you would not make such bonehead statements.

Kent
12/23/2020 01:22:55 pm

Paul -

You are now officially the recipient of a "sick burn, bro!" What you will NOT be the recipient of is a genuine handcrafted leather Bic lighter sheath, brought to you by the inventors of individually wrapped toilet paper.

Crash55
12/19/2020 02:09:00 pm

The show is getting really lazy in reusing footage. The footage of Cargill talking is at least 5 years old

Reply
Kent
12/19/2020 03:58:00 pm

Hmm. I only know the name "Cargill" from the commodities market.
Once you start to exercise the "No, that never happened" muscle a lot of things and life in general become simpler.

The concept of a "powwow circuit" still makes me crack up. Why not just slip an Angel ten bucks and be done with it?

Reply
E.P. Grondine
12/19/2020 06:47:11 pm

"powwow circuit" - By common agreement, powwow organizers generally schedule their powwows so no one in the same region tries for the same date.

So powwows end up being at the same place and at the same time every year. Vendors end up going from powwow to powwow.

So do historians with books of Native American history.

The entire season was cancelled this year due to the virus. But have the craftsmen received any help? No. The food vendors? No. The drums? No. The organizing committees? No. Will there ever be any help in any future legislaton? No.

Other friend of mine play music in bars.

Kent
12/22/2020 05:16:58 pm

So, stinky people too old to be hippies selling Bic lighter sheaths instead of burritos in a less interesting poor man's version of the Grateful Dead parking lot scene? You really know how to sell it Mr. Grondine.

Something that would make it interesting would be a 50 Ton Block Moving Workshop. Transporting the block from scam to... I mean powwow to powwow would be a feat in itself.

Anyone worried they were missing out, rest easy.

Clete
12/21/2020 03:12:21 pm

You think that is bad. They still show footage with Mike Bara and Phillip Coppins (spelling I'm not sure of). They have been dead now for a number of years. They have also revived Bill Birnes. I remember his show from years ago. Everything that flew in the sky, no matter if it was a bird, plane or superman was a UFO.

Reply
Karlos
12/28/2020 05:17:19 pm

Just a sorta technical question. If angels cannot sin then what was Lucifers Rebellion?

Reply
Jason Colavito link
12/28/2020 06:17:57 pm

Are you asking religion to be consistent? My understanding is that they decided angels cannot commit sins of the flesh, such as sexual sins, but spiritual sins such as rebellion, pride, envy, etc. are possible. The early Church fathers basically argued that they didn't have dicks, so they couldn't fuck.

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