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Review of "Lost in Florence"; or, Brett Dalton's and Stana Katic's All-Expenses-Paid Tuscan Vacation

1/29/2017

7 Comments

 
​The PR firm for the studio behind the new movie Lost in Florence, Orion, sent out screeners for the movie a month ago, but they forbade reviews of the movie until this past week. Why? Probably because they were worried that critics wouldn’t be kind. Until yesterday, it was hard to really get worked up, though, about a movie that isn’t really there. Lost in Florence is almost certainly what the cast and crew considered to be a great excuse for a vacation to one of Italy’s most scenic regions, but it is also a movie that, at heart, would like to be a documentary about life in and around the city of Dante in the warm early summertime. However, after Donald Trump enacted his immigration restrictions yesterday, leading to chaotic scenes at airports worldwide, the story of an American idiot who assumes that foreign cultures should serve him and his will takes on a somewhat more relevant color as a portrait of American arrogance made by people who think they’re being good global citizens.
Lost in Florence is formally a romantic comedy, though it contains very little romance or comedy. Brett Dalton from Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. plays the hero, Eric Lombard, a once and future American football player who came to Florence to visit his cousin, played by Stana Katic of Castle in a minor role that need not have existed. He is also there to propose to his girlfriend. When she refuses, he enters a tailspin of mild lethargy that culminates in his decision to take up the local sport of clacio storico, a type of violent rugby (literally: “historic soccer”) ancestral to modern soccer, played out of what the movie maintains is a perfectly justified masculine quest for glory. His prowess on the field earns him the ridiculous title of Ercole (Hercules) and produces a male-fantasy scenario where two women are competing for his affections. Worse, the movie asks us to believe that in 2014 (when the film was shot) an American athlete would refuse to use both a laptop computer and a smartphone because “I don’t need one,” necessitating a character to fly 5,000 miles (!) to speak with him in person.
 
The movie’s story is rather straightforward and at times quite dull, but to his credit Dalton gives a livelier, if still somewhat bland, performance than his sometimes-wooden role on S.H.I.E.L.D., and director and writer Evan Oppenheimer makes the city of Florence look warm, inviting (if quite empty), and laden with the charms of romance and history. His film, however, favors beauty over story, and only a certain kind of beauty at that. Perhaps the most emblematic moment of Oppenheimer’s aesthetic comes when Dalton and his Italian love interest are standing in the Piazza della Signoria, before the Palazzo Vecchio. The camera gazes lovingly at the nude statues of Michelangelo’s David (a replica) and Bandinelli’s Hercules and Cacus and lingers on the face of Dalton, but mostly ignores the girl. Florence is seen throughout in masculine terms, and we are treated to shots of a nude Dalton in the shower and dozens of shirtless young male athletes competing in the arena for a chance at glory. The women are idealized archetypes, mostly without personality traits. Alessandra Mastronardi plays the Italian dream girl, Stephania, but when the movie allows her to have a trait—she wants to be an architect—it crushes it in service of men. She says that architects are unwelcome in Florence because nothing new is built there, so her dream is to leave the city forever. The masculine city and her masculine American he-man make sure that won’t happen.
 
Since most reviews of the movie will focus on the romance and the sport, I’d like to probe a little deeper into the writer’s thematic confusion. Throughout the movie, Oppenheimer sets up a tension between the static permanence of Florence, trapped in its own history, and the dynamism of the world beyond Florence. Stephania wants to leave Florence to develop new architecture. Eric’s cousin wants to leave Florence to start a family and so her Italian husband can have a better career. Even Eric has better opportunities beyond Florence: law school, a football career, etc. The men within Florence are trapped by circumstance and masculine pride. The players of calcio storico are no longer sure why they compete, but mostly it seems that they think it will help them conform to masculine stereotypes. In a better movie, this identification of Florence as a false paradise fueled by social insecurity might have lent the film a deep and thoughtful undercurrent. Oppenheimer, though, seems oblivious to his own subtext, and so Eric’s decisions at each stage of the film to embed himself deeper into Florence are portrayed as triumph when they are really a tragedy in minor key. The more he tries to become a Florentine, the more he regresses. By the end of the film, he literally tells his ex-girlfriend that he knows that someday he will have a future as a lawyer, but he just wants to hang out shirtless with his bros, play sports with said bros, have lots of sex with an adoring Italian chick, and goof off. Oppenheimer makes arrested adolescence into the epitome of the male experience. We in the audience are expected to cheer.
 
There was, however, one element of the movie that rang true. Throughout the film, various characters question whether Eric is Italian enough and Florentine enough to play calcio storico for the Santo Spirito team representing one of the city’s quarters. His last name, Lombard, suggests an Italian-American heritage, and as someone who is half-Italian by heritage, I have also faced those questions of whether I am Italian enough to count as a “real” Italian. Eric is emphatically American but wants to be accepted, in a rather ridiculous way, as a “real” Florentine when it suits him (to play ball) because he is living, however temporarily, in his cousin’s Florentine flat. This is one of those films where the white American guy lives out a fantasy in which a foreign culture plays a submissive role as his heroics improve the lives of all the non-Americans. One can see in Eric Lombard a certain type of American fantasy about a world where other cultures prostrate themselves before the American, where the American can do whatever he wants, and the rest of the world is supposed to thank him for it.
 
At heart, though, Lost in Florence revels in the sights and sounds of the city in the time around the festival of San Giovanni, which is both the festival of the city’s patron saint and the time of the championship calcio storico game. I get the feeling from the amount of time spent just observing parades and scenery and the calcio storico games that Oppenheimer would have preferred to make a documentary about the sport. It would probably have been both more informative and more entertaining.
 
 
_____________
Lost in Florence was released on January 27. 
​
7 Comments
Clete
1/29/2017 02:14:52 pm

Sounds like a movie that should be lost on the way to the discount DVD bin.

Reply
Jason Colavito link
1/29/2017 02:18:38 pm

Well, if a studio sends *me* a screener, it's a pretty good bet that it isn't a good film.

Reply
David Bradbury
1/29/2017 02:57:39 pm

You haven't given it a star rating. How can we know what you really think if you don't give it at star rating?

Or were those asterisks round "me" your star rating?

Titus pullo
1/29/2017 03:19:26 pm

A better take on the american in europe theme is "local hero" or "barcelona".

Reply
DaveR
1/31/2017 10:25:33 am

I cannot imagine a scenario where I would want to watch this film.

Reply
Clete
1/31/2017 04:31:23 pm

I personally would never miss a Brett Dalton film. I mean, I have no idea who he is, wouldn't know him if I saw him on the street and he is probably on his way to becoming a has-been or never was. But, before he spends the rest of his life running a cash register at Wal-Mart he should get his fifteen minutes of fame.

Reply
Catherine Gaeta link
8/7/2018 02:50:54 pm

The review was unnecessarily mean spirited.

Reply

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    • Collection: Ancient Alien Fraud >
      • Chariots of the Gods at 50
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      • Profiles in Ancient Astronautics >
        • Erich von Däniken
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      • Blunders in the Sky
      • The Case of the False Quotes
      • Alternative Authors' Quote Fraud
      • David Childress & the Aliens
      • Faking Ancient Art in Uzbekistan
      • Intimations of Persecution
      • Zecharia Sitchin's World
      • Jesus' Alien Ancestors?
      • Extraterrestrial Evolution?
    • Collection: Skeptic Magazine >
      • America Before Review
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      • Interview: Scott Sigler
      • Golden Fleeced
      • Oh the Horror
      • Discovery of America
      • Supernatural Television
      • Review of Civilization One
      • Who Lost the Middle Ages
      • Charioteer of the Gods
    • Collection: Ancient History >
      • Prehistoric Nuclear War
      • The China Syndrome
      • Atlantis, Mu, and the Maya
      • Easter Island Exposed
      • Who Built the Sphinx?
      • Who Built the Great Pyramid?
      • Archaeological Cover Up?
    • Collection: The Lovecraft Legacy >
      • Pauwels, Bergier, and Lovecraft
      • Lovecraft in Bergier
      • Lovecraft and Scientology
    • Collection: UFOs >
      • Alien Abduction at the Outer Limits
      • Aliens and Anal Probes
      • Ultra-Terrestrials and UFOs
      • Rebels, Queers, and Aliens
    • Scholomance: The Devil's School
    • Prehistory of Chupacabra
    • The Templars, the Holy Grail, & Henry Sinclair
    • Magicians of the Gods Review
    • The Curse of the Pharaohs
    • The Antediluvian Pyramid Myth
    • Whitewashing American Prehistory
    • James Dean's Cursed Porsche
  • The Library
    • Ancient Mysteries >
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        • Mesopotamian Texts >
          • Atrahasis Epic
          • Epic of Gilgamesh
          • Kutha Creation Legend
          • Babylonian Creation Myth
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          • Berossus
          • Comparison of Antediluvian Histories
        • Egyptian Texts >
          • The Shipwrecked Sailor
          • Dream Stela of Thutmose IV
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          • Classical Accounts of the Pyramids
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          • The Story of Setna
          • Leon of Pella
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          • On Isis and Osiris
          • Famine Stela
          • Old Egyptian Chronicle
          • The Book of Sothis
          • Horapollo
          • Al-Maqrizi's King List
        • Teshub and the Dragon
        • Hermetica >
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          • The Secret of Creation
          • Ancient Alphabets Explained
          • Prologue to Ibn Umayl's Silvery Water
          • Book of the 24 Philosophers
          • Aurora of the Philosophers
        • Hesiod's Theogony
        • Periplus of Hanno
        • Ctesias' Indica
        • Sanchuniathon
        • Sima Qian
        • Syncellus's Enoch Fragments
        • The Book of Enoch
        • Slavonic Enoch
        • Sepher Yetzirah
        • Tacitus' Germania
        • De Dea Syria
        • Aelian's Various Histories
        • Julius Africanus' Chronography
        • Eusebius' Chronicle
        • Chinese Accounts of Rome
        • Ancient Chinese Automaton
        • The Orphic Argonautica
        • Fragments of Panodorus
        • Annianus on the Watchers
        • The Watchers and Antediluvian Wisdom
      • Medieval Texts >
        • Medieval Legends of Ancient Egypt >
          • Medieval Pyramid Lore
          • John Malalas on Ancient Egypt
          • Fragments of Abenephius
          • Akhbar al-zaman
          • Ibrahim ibn Wasif Shah
          • Murtada ibn al-‘Afif
          • Al-Maqrizi on the Pyramids
          • Al-Suyuti on the Pyramids
        • The Hunt for Noah's Ark
        • Isidore of Seville
        • Book of Liang: Fusang
        • Agobard on Magonia
        • Book of Thousands
        • Voyage of Saint Brendan
        • Power of Art and of Nature
        • Travels of Sir John Mandeville
        • Yazidi Revelation and Black Book
        • Al-Biruni on the Great Flood
        • Voyage of the Zeno Brothers
        • The Kensington Runestone (Hoax)
        • Islamic Discovery of America
        • The Aztec Creation Myth
      • Lost Civilizations >
        • Atlantis >
          • Plato's Atlantis Dialogues >
            • Timaeus
            • Critias
          • Fragments on Atlantis
          • Panchaea: The Other Atlantis
          • Eumalos on Atlantis (Hoax)
          • Gómara on Atlantis
          • Sardinia and Atlantis
          • Santorini and Atlantis
          • The Mound Builders and Atlantis
          • Donnelly's Atlantis
          • Atlantis in Morocco
          • Atlantis and the Sea Peoples
          • W. Scott-Elliot >
            • The Story of Atlantis
            • The Lost Lemuria
          • The Lost Atlantis
          • Atlantis in Africa
          • How I Found Atlantis (Hoax)
          • Termier on Atlantis
          • The Critias and Minoan Crete
          • Rebuttal to Termier
          • Further Responses to Termier
          • Flinders Petrie on Atlantis
        • Lost Cities >
          • Miscellaneous Lost Cities
          • The Seven Cities
          • The Lost City of Paititi
          • Manuscript 512
          • The Idolatrous City of Iximaya (Hoax)
          • The 1885 Moberly Lost City Hoax
          • The Elephants of Paredon (Hoax)
        • OOPARTs
        • Oronteus Finaeus Antarctica Map
        • Caucasians in Panama
        • Jefferson's Excavation
        • Fictitious Discoveries in America
        • Against Diffusionism
        • Tunnels Under Peru
        • The Parahyba Inscription (Hoax)
        • Mound Builders
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        • Tales of Enchanted Islands
        • The 1907 Ancient World Map Hoax
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        • The Interglacial Period
        • Solving Oak Island
      • Religious Conspiracies >
        • Pantera, Father of Jesus?
        • Toledot Yeshu
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        • Testimony of Jean de Châlons
        • Rosslyn Chapel and the 'Prentice's Pillar
        • The Many Wives of Jesus
        • Templar Infiltration of Labor
        • Louis Martin & the Holy Bloodline
        • The Life of St. Issa (Hoax)
        • On the Person of Jesus Christ
      • Giants in the Earth >
        • Fossil Origins of Myths >
          • Fossil Teeth and Bones of Elephants
          • Fossil Elephants
          • Fossil Bones of Teutobochus
          • Fossil Mammoths and Giants
          • Giants' Bones Dug Out of the Earth
          • Fossils and the Supernatural
          • Fossils, Myth, and Pseudo-History
          • Man During the Stone Age
          • Fossil Bones and Giants
          • American Elephant Myths
          • The Mammoth and the Flood
          • Fossils and Myth
          • Fossil Origin of the Cyclops
          • Mastodon, Mammoth, and Man
        • Fragments on Giants
        • Manichaean Book of Giants
        • Geoffrey on British Giants
        • Alfonso X's Hermetic History of Giants
        • Boccaccio and the Fossil 'Giant'
        • Book of Howth
        • Purchas His Pilgrimage
        • Edmond Temple's 1827 Giant Investigation
        • The Giants of Sardinia
        • Giants and the Sons of God
        • The Magnetism of Evil
        • Tertiary Giants
        • Smithsonian Giant Reports
        • Early American Giants
        • The Giant of Coahuila
        • Jewish Encyclopedia on Giants
        • Index of Giants
        • Newspaper Accounts of Giants
        • Lanier's A Book of Giants
      • Science and History >
        • Halley on Noah's Comet
        • The Newport Tower
        • Iron: The Stone from Heaven
        • Ararat and the Ark
        • Pyramid Facts and Fancies
        • Argonauts before Homer
        • The Deluge
        • Crown Prince Rudolf on the Pyramids
        • Old Mythology in New Apparel
        • Blavatsky on Dinosaurs
        • Teddy Roosevelt on Bigfoot
        • Devil Worship in France
        • Maspero's Review of Akhbar al-zaman
        • The Holy Grail as Lucifer's Crown Jewel
        • The Mutinous Sea
        • The Rock Wall of Rockwall
        • Fabulous Zoology
        • The Origins of Talos
        • Mexican Mythology
        • Chinese Pyramids
        • Maqrizi's Names of the Pharaohs
      • Extreme History >
        • Roman Empire Hoax
        • American Antiquities
        • American Cataclysms
        • England, the Remnant of Judah
        • Historical Chronology of the Mexicans
        • Maspero on the Predynastic Sphinx
        • Vestiges of the Mayas
        • Ragnarok: The Age of Fire and Gravel
        • Origins of the Egyptian People
        • The Secret Doctrine >
          • Volume 1: Cosmogenesis
          • Volume 2: Anthropogenesis
        • Phoenicians in America
        • The Electric Ark
        • Traces of European Influence
        • Prince Henry Sinclair
        • Pyramid Prophecies
        • Templars of Ancient Mexico
        • Chronology and the "Riddle of the Sphinx"
        • The Faith of Ancient Egypt
        • Spirit of the Hour in Archaeology
        • Book of the Damned
        • Great Pyramid As Noah's Ark
        • Richard Shaver's Proofs
    • Alien Encounters >
      • US Government Ancient Astronaut Files >
        • Fortean Society and Columbus
        • Inquiry into Shaver and Palmer
        • The Skyfort Document
        • Whirling Wheels
        • Denver Ancient Astronaut Lecture
        • Soviet Search for Lemuria
        • Visitors from Outer Space
        • Unidentified Flying Objects (Abstract)
        • "Flying Saucers"? They're a Myth
        • UFO Hypothesis Survival Questions
        • Air Force Academy UFO Textbook
        • The Condon Report on Ancient Astronauts
        • Atlantis Discovery Telegrams
        • Ancient Astronaut Society Telegram
        • Noah's Ark Cables
        • The Von Daniken Letter
        • CIA Psychic Probe of Ancient Mars
        • Scott Wolter Lawsuit
        • UFOs in Ancient China
        • CIA Report on Noah's Ark
        • CIA Noah's Ark Memos
        • Congressional Ancient Aliens Testimony
        • Ancient Astronaut and Nibiru Email
        • Congressional Ancient Mars Hearing
        • House UFO Hearing
      • Ancient Extraterrestrials >
        • Premodern UFO Sightings
        • The Moon Hoax
        • Inhabitants of Other Planets
        • Blavatsky on Ancient Astronauts
        • The Stanzas of Dzyan (Hoax)
        • Aerolites and Religion
        • What Is Theosophy?
        • Plane of Ether
        • The Adepts from Venus
      • A Message from Mars
      • Saucer Mystery Solved?
      • Orville Wright on UFOs
      • Interdimensional Flying Saucers
      • Flying Saucers Are Real
      • Report on UFOs
    • The Supernatural >
      • The Devils of Loudun
      • Sublime and Beautiful
      • Voltaire on Vampires
      • Demonology and Witchcraft
      • Thaumaturgia
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      • Religion and Evolution
      • Transylvanian Superstitions
      • Defining a Zombie
      • Dread of the Supernatural
      • Vampires
      • Werewolves and Vampires and Ghouls
      • Science and Fairy Stories
      • The Cursed Car
    • Classic Fiction >
      • Lucian's True History
      • Some Words with a Mummy
      • The Coming Race
      • King Solomon's Mines
      • An Inhabitant of Carcosa
      • The Xipéhuz
      • Lot No. 249
      • The Novel of the Black Seal
      • The Island of Doctor Moreau
      • Pharaoh's Curse
      • Edison's Conquest of Mars
      • The Lost Continent
      • Count Magnus
      • The Mysterious Stranger
      • The Wendigo
      • Sredni Vashtar
      • The Lost World
      • The Red One
      • H. P. Lovecraft >
        • Dagon
        • The Call of Cthulhu
        • History of the Necronomicon
        • At the Mountains of Madness
        • Lovecraft's Library in 1932
      • The Skeptical Poltergeist
      • The Corpse on the Grating
      • The Second Satellite
      • Queen of the Black Coast
      • A Martian Odyssey
    • Classic Genre Movies
    • Miscellaneous Documents >
      • The Balloon-Hoax
      • A Problem in Greek Ethics
      • The Migration of Symbols
      • The Gospel of Intensity
      • De Profundis
      • The Life and Death of Crown Prince Rudolf
      • The Bathtub Hoax
      • Crown Prince Rudolf's Letters
      • Position of Viking Women
      • Employment of Homosexuals
      • James Dean's Scrapbook
      • James Dean's Love Letters
      • The Amazing James Dean Hoax!
    • Free Classic Pseudohistory eBooks
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