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Review of Rob Riggle: Global Investigator S01E02: "The Holiest of Grails"

3/16/2020

15 Comments

 
Picture
Picture
The Holy Grail is a medieval myth whose very form changes in protean fashion as the story passed from one medieval bard to the next. The Grail doesn’t have any role in myth and legend before 1190 CE, and it had only a tenuous connection to the Knights Templar until Joseph von Hammer-Purgstall developed a conspiracy theory in 1818. (Previously, the Grail guardians in medieval poems had been modeled on the Templars, but were not explicitly the knights.) Typically, I’d give a detailed background on the history of the Holy Grail, but there is really no point here, since Rob Riggle: Global Investigator doesn’t have any interest in proving its conspiracy theories. Instead, it simply begins with the premise that fringe history conspiracy theories about the Grail are legitimate history, and it proceeds from there, with no attempt to explain or justify its reasons for adopting these bad ideas.
It doesn’t even make for good comedy. As with the previous episode, the “jokes” barely count as humor, and it’s somewhat disturbing how seriously Riggle seems to be taking his role as cable TV “mystery” investigator, even though it must have been obvious to him that this was stupid. The humor component is even smaller than the previous episode, and aside from a few bits of insult comedy and some half-assed quips, this could have been passed unchanged as an episode of America Unearthed. Expedition Unknown is funnier, and more factual.
 
The episode opens with the Knights Templar in 1187, during the Crusades, and things are off to a bad start when Riggle misidentifies the Templars as controlling “the Temple of Solomon,” which the show illustrates with a CGI mockup of the Temple. Solomon’s temple was destroyed in 587 BCE, and even the second Temple, which replaced it, was long gone when the Templars arrived. The Dome of the Rock, then as now, stood on the site. Riggle asserts that the Templars found the cup Jesus drank from at the Last Supper beneath the Temple, a conflation of a number of twentieth century conspiracy theories, including modern claims that the Templars found the Ark of the Covenant beneath the Temple Mount.
 
Riggle outright asserts that the Templars spirited the Grail to Scotland, a claim that has no basis in fact, and none in myth, either. It is a modern fabrication. He then shows Templar tunnels in Gilmerton near Edinburgh, with some fake news footage. He meets with Tony McMahon, a blogger who appeared on America Unearthed last year to offer conspiracy theories about the Templars, and on Forbidden History before that. Once again, he is described as a “historian” although his only published work on the Templars is a novel. Riggle jokes that McMahon’s droning history of the Templars “made me sleepy,” and he isn’t wrong.
 
Riggle travels to GIlmerton Cove to look at the “Templar” tunnel system, which he presents as a new discovery, although it has been open to the public since 2003. Although the show asserts directly that the Templars carved the entire cavern system, there is no archaeological consensus that the caverns are the work of Templars. Many believe it was the work of blacksmith George Paterson, who was the first recorded owner of the site, in the 1700s, and who lived in it. The show’s “expert” on tunnels immediately links Masonic symbols carved in the tunnels to Templars, and Riggle asserts without evidence that many people “believe” that the Masons are the continuation of the Templars, though there is no evidence for this, especially with the 400-year gap between the two organizations.
 
Naturally, the tunnels are empty, so Riggle plans to use ground-penetrating radar in the hope of finding more secret tunnels that could house the Holy Grail, though—and it’s hard not to emphasize this—there is absolutely no evidence that the Holy Grail ever existed, had been found in the Middle Ages, or had been brought to Scotland. This episode is emptier than the Forbidden History episode that also wanted to find the Grail in the U.K.
 
Next, Riggle travels to Temple, Scotland, which the show weirdly insists was named “Town of Warriors,” though that was never its English name. The town, once known as Balantrodoch, which translates as “town of warriors,” was the location of the Templar preceptory until the suppression of the order. The show’s next “expert,” Karl Ude-Martinez, claims that the Sinclair family housed the Templars after the fall of the order and William Sinclair used them to fight a 1314 battle near Rosslyn, after which he erected the infamous Rosslyn Chapel. This cannot be true. Rosslyn Chapel was built by William Sinclair, 1st Earl of Caithness, in the mid-1400s. For a moment, I thought the “historian” was referring to a ruined structure that predated Rosslyn Chapel, in Roslin Cemetery, but he specifically spoke about the current Rosslyn Chapel.
 
While named as a “military historian” on the show, Ude-Martinez identifies as an actor. His previous nonfiction TV experience involved presenting stories about horses on Animal Planet. I could find no record of any historical work by him.
 
Fiona Rogan, whom you’ve seen on every other Templar pseudo-documentary of the past decade, shows Riggle around Rosslyn Chapel, and Riggle accuses her of hiding the Grail and “the embalmed head of Christ” among other fictitious items in the chapel’s pillars. Riggle claims that Rogan “slipped up” by revealing the existence of a sealed vault beneath the chapel, leading to a badly staged bit of prop comedy involving Riggle’s sledgehammer. Riggle offers a number of conspiracy theories and describes an illegal excavation that uncovered a tunnel from the chapel to the River Esk.
 
Riggle meets with Iain Grimston, another supposed historian who is not. Grimston’s website says he is a novelist and a former journalist and manager at Rosslyn Chapel. Once again, Riggle starts scanning for hidden tunnels, this time with LiDaR, with Grimston offering quasi-factual information about “Templar” tunnels to a chapel built 150 years too later to have anything to do with Templars. Grimston takes him to a tunnel along the river that the show claims is medieval. Riggle crawls into it and finds nothing but the bones of a dead animal and a dead end. More staged comedy about Riggle’s hammer follows.
 
The show ends with the claim that the tunnels would have connected with Rosslyn Chapel. Riggle speaks with archaeologist Klint Janulis, who specializes in the Paleolithic and has appeared on other shows from Discovery’s portfolio of shitty documentaries. Janulis tells Riggle that the tunnel could be medieval, though he offers no evidence for his reasoning. He then, apropos of nothing, asserts that it could be associated with the Templars (dating would be sort of important for that) and tells Riggle to find artifacts from the Templars in the tunnel. [Update: On Twitter, Janulis told me that he did not identify the tunnel as medieval, so it seems that his comments were edited.]
 
Riggle ends the show by claiming, facetiously, like every other cable host, that someday he’ll get a permit and do the actual archaeological work to prove the Holy Grail is hidden inside the tunnel, but until that day he will continue to make bad TV for big bucks. Sorry, wait… that last bit was my joke, and also funnier than the stale half-assed quips that passed for comedy in this woeful hour of recycled internet conspiracy garbage.
 
So what, exactly, is Rob Riggle: Global Investigator? It isn’t funny enough to be a comedy. It isn’t factual enough to be a documentary. It’s just another pseudo-history “mystery” show recycling the same old tired lies, just with an even more ignorant asshole presenting them.
15 Comments
Knee
3/16/2020 04:57:52 pm

You know you have problems when Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail has as many or more elements of fact in it than some programming that presumes to be documentary in nature.

Reply
Kent
3/16/2020 08:35:40 pm

Look at the graphic for the program. It's not meant to be taken seriously. Untwist thine undergarments!

Riggle said:

“I do my own reading on the subjects and my own research on the Internet,” he says. “I gather as much information as I can, and we’re lucky to have a couple of directors and producers who go out there and do a lot of the legwork as far as finding experts we need to talk to and locations we need to go to.

“I wish I had a think tank or some sort of massive organization, but it’s just a small group of hardworking people.”

The real goal of the series, he says, is to entertain viewers while giving them an up-close-and-personal glimpse into diverse historical events.

“People have been looking for the Holy Grail and Atlantis a lot longer than I have and a lot of them are PhDs,” he says. “I got to do this partly for the adventure and partly for the fun and to travel and do cool things and learn something new.

“You’ll hear from experts and get theories that maybe you didn’t know about — and whether that holds up or not is for you to determine. It makes for interesting storytelling and interesting history.”

(nypost.com)

"Next, Riggle travels to Temple, Scotland, which the show weirdly insists was named “Town of Warriors,” though that was never its English name. The town, once known as Balantrodoch, which translates as “town of warriors,”"

If that's not "close enough" I don't know what is. Here you are disregarding Adams's admonition not to go abroad in search of monsters to destroy.

There's no shortage of jelly here.

Reply
Bubba Sinclair
3/16/2020 09:45:29 pm

I think we are all familiar with the old saying about horseshoes and hand grenades. The star of the show is a comedian especially noted for goofball roles. The clue phone should be ringing loudly about the intended light-hearted nature of the show. On the other hand the various fringe loons that Riggle frequently shares the spotlight with are advertised by the Discovery Channel on their website as "experts and scholars". This fiction is pushed in their on-screen descriptions. Unless Riggle is making full use of his comedic talent to poke big holes in chucklehead theories and expose pseudo-experts and pseudo-scholars then you can't fault those who have developed a twist or two in their step-ins.

Reply
Vinny
3/17/2020 03:09:06 am

Expedition Unknown and Expedition X are good quality and fun entertainment.
Plus Jessica Chobot is HOT, HUBBA-HUBBA!

Rob Riggle is TRASH!

Reply
An Anonymous Nerd
3/17/2020 09:35:14 am

The show may be intended as a joke of some kind but there's an important point to be missed: My impression, based on how the show is described here and presented on the lead idiot's Twitter page

https://twitter.com/RobRiggle?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

is that he's supposed to be the funny part. The information presented seems like it's supposed to be accurate. And it's not.

Inaccurate information presented as accurate from a television channel that's presenting themselves as documentary and "real life" focused

https://www.discovery.com/
https://corporate.discovery.com/

(nothing there indicates the stuff presented on the channel is supposed to be fake)

is, to me, a problem. It's the same basic formula as Ancient Aliens especially as the latter show moves away from actual aliens.

And this stuff does damage to our intellectual fabric, one idiot at a time and one curious but uninformed regular person at a time.

-An Anonymous Nerd

Reply
Kent
3/17/2020 12:20:20 pm

Life is too short to worry about babysitting other people and their intellectual fabric. It's beyond unrealistic to expect a corporate website to say in essence "We kinda suck."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_programs_broadcast_by_Discovery_Channel

Reply
Ojo
3/17/2020 02:01:14 pm

It's beyond realistic to expect a corporate website to say in essence "We kinda suck."

Which would be why people do reviews of the shows the corporations offer to put a fine point on how much they suck. If you want to be entertained by shows that suck then watch shows that suck. If you want to be informed by intelligent discussion of why the shows suck and the potential harm that results from the suckiness then read the reviews that seek to do this. It's not a complex menu of options.

J Carucci
3/17/2020 03:27:45 pm

Hopefully people will not be overly perturbed by the fact that a skeptic wrote a skeptical review for a skeptic blog of a show that makes significant use of the sort of fringe talking heads whose work skeptics tend to write skeptical reviews of on skeptic blogs. Even when taking Mr. Riggle's brand of "pull my finger" humor into consideration.

Jim
3/17/2020 12:25:46 pm

" one idiot at a time and one curious but uninformed regular person at a time."

And they are flooding the airwaves by throwing out same nonsensical pseudo crap over and over again.
They simply switch hosts for a new hook and repeat the same sort of garbage. They all even seem to share the same unqualified guests spouting the same crap they said on previous shows.

Scott Wolter
Justin Fornal and Emilano Ruprah
Rob Wriggle
The Lagina Brothers
Jamie Theakston
Megan Fox

And the list goes on.

"“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. "
(Joseph Goebbels)




Reply
Jr. Time Lord
3/17/2020 03:04:53 pm

These responses to Rob Riggle are funny. Someone has handed finger-paints to a large passive-aggressive moose and you all are expecting a masterpiece. I wonder if the "G.I." is a play on him being a lieutenant colonel in the military?

If you really don't like him...Watch "Night School". It's like watching every boneheaded jock get what's coming to him. Most of his character's remind me of dudes I went to high school with. More often than not, I can't stand his characters. He's still a better actor than Clint Walker. Riggle is capable of showing emotion.


Reply
G.I. Joe
3/17/2020 06:19:56 pm

An important point of these reviews is that you are not going to get a masterpiece no matter who you put in front of the camera in tthis type of programming. Doesn't matter if it is Riggle doing frat boy humor, Megan Fox playing the role of sex kitten in search of the truth, or ex-jock Scott Wolters smugly telling us that everything we learned about history is a lie. All tripe. The only issue is which formula will strike a cord with the gullible and make money.

Reply
Doc Rock
3/17/2020 08:07:14 pm

Bubba could be onto something. Why not a show where a guy like Riggle who is a combination of wiseass and Brother Bluto goes on a Borat style quest to investigate mysterious (read: hoaxes). But do it the opposite of how this stuff generally works.You know, like when Wolter gets a legitimate scholar on-camera under the guise of doing a serious interview but then cherry picks sound bites to make it look like they are agreeing with him. Instead lure fringe spokespeople on-camera and let the wiseass hit them with a bunch of gotcha questions developed by people like Colavito. Then do a lot of cherry picking of scenes of them looking like moerons and getting flustered, along with supplemental commentary by the wiseass and/or the real scholars who came up with the gotcha questions and can point out the myriad ways that the person is wrong and a wingnut.

Would be funny to see scenes like someone interviewing Wolter while sipping from a coffee cup with "Honorary MS" on it but held so that only the viewer can see it while the interviewer starts to innocently ask about Scott's credentials. I smell Emmy!!

Reply
An Over-Educated Grunt
3/17/2020 09:30:51 pm

Personally if we're going to do a fringe-show parody sitcom, I'd prefer Rhys Darby channeling Ashley Cowie, talking about how no past civilization could have built shopping malls.

Reply
Amber Miserreri
3/24/2020 12:10:08 am

It appears you don't understand what a conspiracy theory actually is.
A conspiracy theory is a theory that involves a conspiracy.
A conspiracy is when two or more organisms (the 'conspirators') work together for some goal.
Conspiracy, collaboration, collusion, cooperation.

That's it.

Conspiracy theory does not mean ridiculous theory (a theory that is ridiculous) or false theory (a theory that is false).
A conspiracy theory may be good theory, offering value.
A conspiracy theory may be bad theory, offering no value.

So what is it that makes it a conspiracy?


The relevant question to ask is, are there two or more people involved?
If yes, then it's a conspiracy, collaboration, collusion, cooperation.
If not, then it is not a conspiracy.

A baseball team conspires to beat their opponent.

The "official US government story" about 911 is a conspiracy theory; there were more than one hijacker involved.

Don't conspire with other idiots to keep the status quo.
Instead, conspire with intellectuals to change the world to be a better place to live.


Conspiracy, collaboration, collusion, cooperation.
All REQUIRE 2 or more people.

If you think a theory is a conspiracy theory, ASK YOURSELF, "WHO ARE THE CONSPIRATORS?"!!!

The term, conspiracy theory, was weaponized by the CIA in the mid 1960's during Operation Mockingbird, in which agents infiltrated corporate mainstream news outlets.
This sewage was then spewed on a public lacking the cognitive abilities required to vet information.

===========

The JFK assassination was a conspiracy.

What makes it a conspiracy?
Answer: there were at least two or more people involved.

The facts are obvious.
The first bullet that hit JFK was from the front, to the neck.
You can see his reaction as he reappears after being blocked by the Stemmon's freeway sign.
We can see the obvious entry wound from a photo taken of JFK on a gurny at Parkland hospital, taken BEFORE the tracheotomy.
JFK was also hit in the back, from a bullet shot from behind the limo.
Therefore there were at least two bullets, one from the front, one from the rear, shot by different people.
And all this REGARDLESS of the final shots to the head.


Reply
Frank Burns
3/24/2020 06:16:52 pm

The concept of conspiracy theory takes on a particular meaning when looking at pseudoscience. That is because pseudoscientists are uniform in using it to explain why they can't get any where near proving whatever outlandish claim that they are making. its because of conspiracies great and small to suppress their work and any evidence that supports it.

"I'm only paranoid because everybody is against me" seems to be their philosophy. Everybody meaning every trained professional who calls them out for making silly unsubstantiated claims.

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