Résumés of the Gods

I’m the last person to argue that one needs a Ph.D. to be able to write intelligently about ancient history. I certainly don’t have one, and I like to think that my work is worth reading. But a passing familiarity with the methodology of archaeology and historiography would certainly seem an important prerequisite for claiming startling new interpretations of prehistory that would overturn centuries of carefully scholarly work.

So, I took a look at the talking heads on Ancient Aliens to see how their background prepared them to critically evaluate the past two centuries’ worth of archaeological research, including changing theoretical frameworks and methodology.

Does it surprise anyone that not a single ancient astronaut theorist appearing on the program has specialized training in archaeology, anthropology, or history, or even an undergraduate degree in these areas? (Exception: alternative historian Graham Hancock has a degree in a somewhat related field.) Here’s what I’ve learned about the talking heads who appeared in the past few episodes of Ancient Aliens.

(Note:Ancient Aliens also mixes in professional archaeologists and historians, but these individuals do not endorse the ancient astronaut theory and are not discussed here.)

Giorgio Tsoukalos
► Former bodybuilding promoter
► Bachelor’s degree in sports information management
► Insists on a “positive light” clause in interview contracts

David (Hatcher) Childress
► One year of college education
► Falsely claimed to be an archaeologist in Extraterrestrial Archaeology web video
► Was sued for copyright violations and settled out of court

Erich von Däniken
► Former Swiss hotelier
► No known educational background in history, archaeology, etc.
► Convicted of fraud, sued for plagiarism, diagnosed as “compulsive liar”
 
Philip Coppens
► Journalist, almost exclusively writing on alternative and conspiracy theories
► No known educational background in history, archaeology, etc.

George Noory
► Radio talk show host, Coast to Coast A.M.
► Bachelor’s degree in Communications
► Former law enforcement training video manufacturer

Sean-David Morton
► Self-described psychic medium
► Charged with fraud for swindling clients out of $6 million
► Claims doctorates in theology and psychology that cannot be verified

Graham Hancock
► Alternative historian rather than ancient astronaut theorist (but: see his Mars Mystery)
► Bachelor’s degree in sociology
► Journalist and international correspondent for many major newspapers

Brien Foerster
► Former marine biologist
► Professional sculptor and outrigger canoe salesman
► No known educational background in history, archaeology, etc.

Chris Dunn
► Craftsman and machinist
► Human Resources Manager, Danville Metal Stamping
► No known educational background in history, archaeology, etc.

Michael Bara
► Aerospace engineer
► Conspiracy theorist
► No known educational background in history, archaeology, etc.

The question is: Why are no professional historians and archaeologists ancient astronaut theorists? If Carl Sagan could flirt with the idea, it can't be that it's prima facie stupid. The answer must be that there is no evidence for it and anyone with actual training in history or archaeology recognizes this fact.

I’ll reiterate that one does not need a degree to say something worthwhile about a subject. Barbara Tuchman was a journalist and wrote one of the most famous histories of the run-up to World War I, The Guns of August. David J. Skal is recognized as a cultural historian of horror despite having no Ph.D., and S. T. Joshi is the foremost scholar of Lovecraft, but again without a Ph.D. But all of these scholars knew what they were talking about, understood the fundamentals of their field, and drew on the best of academic work to craft their own.

Ancient astronaut theorists have no such respect for archaeology or history as disciplines, only as means to an end: proving a preconceived notion.