Parody: America Unhinged - "Templar Pterosaur Army"

We’re just a week away from the season two premiere of America Unearthed, so I figured it’s time for another installment of my parody series America Unhinged, in which I use the methods and evidence of fringe history to show how easy it is to “prove” ridiculous claims. Last time we went in search of the Templars’ hidden stable of unicorns. In today’s edition, we look for the Templars’ pterosaur army.

AMERICA UNHINGED: Templar Pterosaur Army?

AMERICA UNHINGED: Templar Pterosaur Army?

This episode begins with a soft-focus recreation of a 1970s-era person walking across the dry landscape somewhere in the southwestern United States. His jaw drops as he sees… a CGI pterosaur!

Then come the splashy opening graphics:

After this, the familiar intro: HISTORY AS WE KNOW IT IS WRONG! Academic elites are keeping the truth from you! Facts can lie, but TV never does. Then we launch into segment one.

To begin, we’ll need some wild stories of encounters with dragons, preferably in the backwoods of America, and preferably with very little way of investigating whether the encounter actually happened. One such encounter occurred in Texas in 1976, when police officer Arturo Padilla of San Benito reported seeing a monstrously large flying creature. A fellow officer saw it as well. Not long after, in Brownsville, Alverico Guajardo saw the creature outside his mobile home at 9:30 at night. “It’s like a bird, but it’s not a bird,” he said. “That animal is not from this world.”

Just four years earlier, the bones of the pterosaur Quetzalcoatlus were discovered at Big Bend National Park in Texas. Some were quick to link the monstrous flying creature to the ancient flying monster. We’ll send out geologist hero out to Big Bend to take a look.

Other sightings were reported in Pennsylvania and along the eastern seaboard. But this was not a recent phenomenon. Searching back in the same musty newspaper archives that gave us accounts of fictitious giants discovered in burial mounds, we find that the Tombstone, Arizona Epitaph ran an article on April 26, 1890 alleging that some cowboys captured a pterosaur:

A winged monster, resembling a huge alligator with an extremely elongated tail and an immense pair of wings, was found on the desert between the Whetsone and Huachuca mountains last Sunday by two ranchers who were returning home from the Huachucas. The creature was evidently greatly exhausted by a long flight and when discovered was able to fly but a short distance at a time. After the first shock of wild amazement had passed, the two men, who were on horseback and armed with Winchester rifles, regained sufficient courage to pursue the monster and after an exciting chase of several miles succeeded in getting near enough to open fire with their rifles and wounding it.

The creature then turned on the men, but owing to its exhausted condition they were able to keep out of its way and after a few well directed shots the monster partly rolled over and remained motionless. The men cautiously approached, their horses snorting with terror, and found that the creature was dead. They then proceeded to make an examination and found that it measured about ninety-two feet in length and the greatest diameter was about fifty inches. The monster had only two feet, these being situated a short distance in front of where the wings were joined to the body.

The head, as near as they could judge, was about eight feet long, the jaws being thickly set with strong, sharp teeth. Its eyes were as large as a dinner plate and protruded about half way from the head. They had some difficulty in measuring the wings as they were partly folded under the body, but finally got one straightened out sufficiently to get a measurement of seventy-eight feet, making the total length from tip to tip about 160 feet. The wings were composed of a thick and nearly transparent membrane and were devoid of feathers or hair, as was the entire body. The skin of the body was comparatively smooth and easily penetrated by a bullet.

The men cut off a small portion of the tip of one wing and took it home with them. Late last night one of them arrived in this city for supplies and to make the necessary preparations to skin the creature, when the hide will be sent east for examination by the eminent scientists of the day. The finder returned early this morning accompanied by several prominent men who will endeavor to bring the strange creature to this city before it is mutilated.

At this point, we need to bring in an expert to help us make sense of the findings. Let’s introduce the work of Fortean investigator John Keel, who (before his 2009 death) uncovered the Epigraph story and also gave the world the Mothman, a winged monster plaguing Point Pleasant, West Virginia in the late 1960s. According to Keel, Mothman was thought at the time to be a smaller pterosaur.

But this only takes us back to the late nineteenth century. What evidence do we have that pterosaurs roamed America earlier than that—perhaps, say, to the Middle Ages where a certain group of Freemason-Templar conspirators flew their dragons to America with the Holy Grail?

Of course there is.

Native American groups from across the continent have a legend of the thunderbird, monstrous winged creatures who could block out the sun with size of their wings. This monster bird has frequently been identified with pterosaurs, especially since the Sioux believed that the thunderbirds battled lizard-like monsters that are clearly dinosaurs. Since the fabulous Ica Stones of Peru depict pterosaurs and dinosaurs in battle in Inca times, we know that the pterosaurs must have been in America. After all, our geologist hero can easily use his magical ability to date stone to “prove” that the Ica Stones were carved in the medieval period.

But what Our Hero finds most amazing is that depictions of the pterosaur-like thunderbird occur in the art of the Ojibwa people, who also have a ceremony in which they pay homage to the sun (the solar penis of the sacred feminine Templar cult) by placing a Thunderbird nest across the Tree of Life, which is quite clearly the Tree of Knowledge from the story of Adam and Eve, making the thunderbird equivalent to the serpent—that secret occult symbol of knowledge and wisdom that the Church hierarchy demonized as Satan to hide the trail of wisdom that stretched from the uraeus of the ancient Egyptian kings down to the feathered serpent of the Mexican god Quetzalcoatl—whose very name became that of a pterosaur!

What really gets Our Hero excited is that the Ojibwa have medicine ceremonies called the Midéwin which exactly parallel the first four degrees of Freemasonry. As one Freemason confessed in 1922, the rites were all but identical:

Among the Ojibway the secret society known as the Midewin is highly developed, and possesses ceremonies, rituals, and rites of initiation and raising very similar to that described in my article "Little Wolf Joins the Mitawin," in the October, 1921, number of THE BUILDER; in fact, many students of ethnology believe that it is among the members of this tribe that the oldest form of the rites occurs.

So Our Hero has now found Freemason and pterosaurs together, but what is the connection? For that we have to look at the history of Native Americans. Where did they get their myths and legends? Surely they are not smart enough to have come up with it by themselves. No, they must have gotten their stories from the Knights Templar or earlier European immigrants. But who?

We already know that the Welsh came to America under Prince Madoc and invaded much of the United States, eventually giving rise to the Welsh Indians—the Mandan people—whose blond hair and blue eyes testified to the genetic legacy of Europeans in America, as well as to Welsh claims to territory throughout the middle United States—the same place where the pterosaurs have been seen. And what do we find on the flag of Wales? That’s right, a dragon!

And we know from Victorian scholars, who must be trusted because they are old and therefore better than biased “academics” of today, that pterosaurs were the original models for the dragon. According to Benjamin Waterhouse Hawkins, the two were one and the same. At the Crystal Palace, he sculpted the dinosaurs on display, and in 1860 he toured Britain delivering a lecture on “dragons,” explaining that the monsters were “that wondrous animal, the pterodactyl, a combination of fish, reptile, and bird!” Not only were they medieval dragons, but he said it was also the monster that threatened Ariadne in the myth of Perseus. We know that the Freemason-Templar conspiracy equated dragons and pterosaurs because Arthur Machen, the mystic and fiction writer who was also a member of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn—heir to the Templar-Freemason-Cathar-Kabbalistic-Lizard People secret knowledge—specifically encoded the belief in the Novel of the Black Seal, telling those with eyes to see of “the pterodactyl, the dragon of tradition.”

As we’ve learned from the Nova Scotia flag, color symbolism is important. The red dragon on a white field are clearly Templar colors, while the green stripe is the verdant land over which the Templars are secretly ruling.

Therefore, we need to send our hero to Wales to see if the Welsh brought pterosaurs with them when they came to colonize America. According to Welsh folklore, pterosaur-like dragons were common around the castles of Welsh nobles like Prince Madoc, and they continued to be seen down to the early 1800s. We know this is true because it is also recorded in Beowulf, where the hero very clearly battles a flying pterosaur at the end of the poem, indicating that pterosaurs were once widespread across northern Europe. It stands to reason, therefore, that the reason that we can find no evidence of the “lost Templar fleet” or the ships the Welsh used to reach America because they flew on their trained pterodactyls.

How do we know this? Simple. The Knights Templar vanished after the early 1300s when the Pope and King of France suppressed their order. Where did they go? Many fled to Scotland to become Freemasons, but at the same time, some must have gone east. We find in Hungary that King Charles I founded the Order of Saint George just before 1326, not long after the suppression of the Templar order. Curiously, this order, with its dragon-slaying icon, was a secular order, free from Church interference, a safe haven for Templars. The order collapsed not long after, but in 1408 King Sigismund I created a successor, the Order of the Dragon, whose most famous member was Vlad Tepes, better known as Dracula, whom occult tradition says studied at the Scholomance. The traditional teachings of the Scholomance, recorded by folklorists, included the ability to ride dragons: “By means of certain magical formulae he compels a dragon to ascend from the depths of a loch. He then throws a golden bridle with which he has been provided over his head, and rides aloft among the clouds.” Obviously, this refers back to the Order of the Dragon’s secret training camps, which promulgated Templar secrets. The legend that Dracula was a blood-sucking vampire can only refer to a confused memory of the Holy Bloodline and the “truth” that Jesus’ resurrection (like that of the vampire) was related to his magic blood, which even today flows in the veins of the Bloodline Descendants.

Occult 1801 image of a Holy Bloodline Grail King escaping Europe on a pterosaur.

But obviously the Order of the Dragon doesn’t have the complete truth. No, that went to Scotland with the Ark of the Covenant, which was hidden for a time with the Sinclair family. Is it a coincidence that the Order of the Dragon was founded just ten years after Henry Sinclair traveled to America? Surely, this represent a renewal of the dragon-unicorn-Templar-Freemason conspiracy after the last Bloodline descendant was safely hidden in the New World, alongside the Templar land claim to all of the Mississippi watershed. This truth, we have seen, the conspiracy hid in the Bible in references to unicorns. But what of the pterosaurs?

This leads us back to the King James Bible and Isaiah 30:6, where “fiery flying serpents”—obviously pterosaurs—are said to be involved in conveying a great treasure to people who will not appreciate it. Clearly, this is a code inserted into the language of the King James Bible by the Scottish Freemasons to explain to fellow conspirators that the Templars flew pterodactlys across the Atlantic to store the Holy Grail, the Bloodline descendant of Jesus, among the Native Americans, who did not understand what they saw and mistook them for gods flying on thunderbirds. This, of course, is the origin of Quetzalcoatl, whom Torquemada described as both a human priest and a flying serpent—just as several native tribes described thunderbirds as turning into men. They were Welsh and Templar colonists flying in on their pterosaurs!

This tallies well with what we know of the Order of the Dragon: It was founded to hold back the tide of Islam, probably in revenge for the efforts of what Scott Wolter called "some Muslim group" to push the "proto-Templars" out of Spain in the 700s,  forcing them into Arizona, where they drew pictures of ... DINOSAURS!

It remains a fact that Henry Sinclair’s ship was never found, and the Micmac of Canada recorded that Henry Sinclair, whom they worshiped as Glooscap, departed America on a magic whale. Surely this must be a misunderstanding of the pterodactyl transport service that linked the British Isles and North America. The Welsh, Templars, and Scots would have had only a small contingent of pterosaurs, of course, and their bones were probably hidden beneath the massive mounds they built in order, as Thomas Sinclair and Jacques de Mahieu asserted, to reign over the Native Americans as white gods. Or else the bones were ground up and used for medicine, as Marco Polo found in the Chinese doing.

Hunted to extinction almost everywhere by armor-clad knights-errant working on behalf of the Church to suppress the truth, only a few of these thunderbird-dragon protectors of the Holy Bloodline remain, hidden in the far off corners of America, perhaps near the site where the Templars buried the Ark of the Covenant. Curious, isn’t it, that most modern pterodactyl sighting are in Texas, near the site of the famous rock wall of Rockwall, clearly a remnant of the Grail Castle built by the last of the Grail Kings as the capital of the Bloodline Last World Emperor, surrounded by his stable of unicorns and protected from the air by his armada of pterosaurs. As the great initiate of the Order of the Dragon, Vlad Dracula said, “the blood is the life!”



The above speculation is based on actual facts, though the interpretations given above are of course complete lies. The actual truth is this:

• The 1970s sightings are variously attributed to large birds such as cranes or vultures, with the misidentification attributed to media coverage pterosaurs.
• The Mothman was almost certainly an owl.
• The Epigraph article was a hoax.
• Adrienne Mayor believes the Thunderbird stories were influenced by Native American discoveries of dinosaur fossils and the fossils of pterosaurs.
• The Ojibwa rituals are not anything like Freemasonry, despite fringe history assertions.
• Dragons in medieval lore evolved from snake-like dragons in Greek myth, not from pterosaur-like flying lizards.
• There are no Welsh Indians.
• The “fiery flying serpent” refers to Egyptian iconography.