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Review of Scott Wolter's Akhenaten to the Founding Fathers (Final Part)

10/11/2013

39 Comments

 
• Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 •

Even though Scott Wolter’s Akhenaten to the Founding Fathers: Mysteries of the Hooked X® is a scant 298 pages—including index, notes, etc.—it has more than enough evidence-free claims to fill a book three times its size. It’s fortunate then that Wolter simply assumes we believe his assertions and does not attempt to explain his claims or weave them into a story. Had he done so, we might be looking at a book on the order of the Mahabharata in size.

But what you really want to know about is the Oreo cookie conspiracy. You have to wait a bit. He makes it the nearly final revelation of his book.

Chapter 8: The “C” Document
I have to amend my earlier thought partially. It turns out there was good reason for Wolter to try to turn Quetzalcoatl into a white proto-Templar in the last chapter. In this chapter he introduces a metal disc of unknown manufacture bearing the name Quetzalcoatl in cursive writing, which the photograph clearly indicates to be English cursive secretary hand (as opposed to Roman cursive, used in the Middle Ages and before), meaning it was written sometime after 1500. The owners of the artifact show Wolter a piece of paper bearing what they call “Theban,” the secret code of the Templars. Wolter informs us that the owners refused to give him all of the details—for secrecy’s sake—dribbling them out over four years, to which I would add “as they invented them.”

Theban is an actual code script, but it is not Templar since it first appears in 1518, presumably printed from a code devised somewhat earlier.

But first we look at some apparently fake carved stones with Phoenician and Hebrew letters and what Wolter calls an image of a “vulva,” which we can add to the list of the conspiracy’s sexually-oriented material.

Back to the Theban script on a paper called the “C” Document. Wolter immediately identifies more than one Hooked X® on the document, blissfully unaware that (if genuine) the little hooks on the letters (not just the X’s) are the result of the motion needed to make the ink from a quill start to flow to form the strokes of the letters.

There are immediate problems: The paper is not medieval, and the hoaxers—I mean “owners”—say that the copy they showed Wolter was “redrawn” from an earlier text. Also, the translator never states the language supposedly coded in the document. “Theban” isn’t a language, so there must be some underlying language being translated. (Later we learn it is supposed to be written in Latin, though Wolter never sees the Latin text, only an assertion that the English version is based on Latin.)

An accompanying map (also “redrawn”) Wolter declares Old French through Google Translate. He translates “La Mere de Deus” as “Mother of Two,” which he interprets speculatively as Jesus and John the Baptist, though I’m guessing that “Deus” was meant not as deux (two, from the Latin duo) but as the Latin-derived Dieu (God, from the Latin deus), which in Old French was sometimes Deu or Deus, thus making the conventional phrase Mother of God.

But why waste time on this? Wolter examined only digital photographs of the “redrawn” map, and the picture in the book shows a very clearly modern image with sloppy twenty-first century handwriting and a design tailor-made to appeal to Wolter’s biases: it contains a Star of David near Nova Scotia and there is a hook on the first X. Without a genuine medieval document to examine, this is nothing but hot air.

Wolter and Steve St. Clair travel to Panther Mountain in the Catskills near Woodstock to look at “Egyptian” style carvings, since Wolter is such an expert on Egyptian art. Miraculously, wherever they went they stumbled across one ancient carving after another—Egyptian, Carthaginian, and more—all in a crude style best described as “postmodern homage to ancient art” to judge from the photographs. Trans-Atlantic travelers were such terrible artists. He claims to be unable to date the stones because they were weathered before they were carved, but he says that they felt old to him. To me they look like modern fakes that have been polished down with other rocks to achieve an “old” patina. Amazing, isn’t it, that archaeologists can take months or years to find artifacts, while Wolter finds one after another on the surface in an afternoon—but no trace of any other indication of occupation but chicken scratches on rocks.

OK, so you’re all wondering what’s in the “C” Document: Would you believe that by sheer coincidence the owners of the “C” Document, who brought Wolter to Panther Mountain discovered that the “C” Document describes in a first-person account how an original Templar dug up a treasure (unnamed but obviously the Ark of the Covenant) and brought it to—of all places—Panther Mountain (right here in upstate New York!) in the twelfth century? Surely it is beyond coincidence that the hoaxers—I mean “translators”—traveled to Europe and “discovered” a document that conveniently makes their hometown the center of a mysterious conspiracy to hide the Ark of the Covenant, and that they won’t let anyone see the originals, only translations of copies of copies.

Bite me.

I’ll be more impressed when someone finds evidence of a conspiracy that makes a place other than their own hometown or ancestral village the navel of the world.

(Of course, I can’t say for certain that the owners of the document are behind any hoax, which is why I am not using their names; rather, for legal reasons I will state that the circumstances behind the story raise suspicions and my expert opinion is that there is no evidence to suggest authenticity for the alleged carvings and documents.)

Wolter, to his credit, does not endorse the “C” Document but wastes two chapters on it anyway. He states his belief, though, that it is too long and complex to for anyone to bother hoaxing, which means that there are some Hitler diaries I could sell him.

Chapter 9: Montreal
At this point, is there even a point in repeating the same criticisms? Wolter goes to Montreal and sees more crosses and AVMs and ignores the French Catholic origins of the city and instead speculates about Templar cults. He sees the Hebrew name of Eve in the city’s Notre Dame basilica where he also identifies a painting of the Virgin and Child as Mary Magdalene and secret son; thus, he concludes that this suggests that a code is telling us the Magdalene is the “Mother of All” the Bloodline rulers. Whatever; the basilica only dates from the 1870s, and most of the art is from the 1970s, restored after a fire.

He, on the advice of Joe Rose, next identifies the letter M as the thirteenth letter of the alphabet and thus as symbolizing Mary Magdalene as the thirteenth apostle. I guess it depends on the language and time period; M was the twelfth letter until “j” was added after 1524. Therefore it can’t be a secret code before then, and it never is in Latin, where “j” doesn’t exist. Ethnocentric idiots that Wolter and Joe Rose are, they assume the English alphabet today is universal. Anyone depicted with hand with fingers spread apart but the middle and ring fingers together is therefore making a secret “M” for Mary, Apostle 13. It is actually close to the natural position the un-tensed hand opens into when fully extended, as observed by Renaissance artists.

Wolter therefore concludes that a small dot beneath the M in AVM on the Kensington Rune Stone is a secret acknowledgement of the Mary-13 code.

Next up is the New Hampshire “Mystery Stone” that Wolter says was discovered in 1972 and later changes to 1872. One of the dates is a typo in this largely un-copyedited book. The correct date is 1872. In 2006, the New Hampshire state archaeologist said that the egg-shaped stone was likely a modern fake, drilled with modern tools. Being polished stone, however, there is no reliable way to date it, leaving room for suggesting an otherwise unknown civilization with high technology. The art style, though, is decidedly Victorian and incorporates perspective on the teepee not found in art before the Renaissance.


Picture
The Mystery Stone as seen at the New Hampshire Historical Society.
Wolter repeats his conversation with Steve St. Clair about the Nova Scotia flag, and he adds that the Canadian maple leaf has 12 points, making it symbolic of the zodiac. No, your eyes do not deceive you: There are only eleven points. He’s counting the stem as twelve. The Canadian flag and its leaf were created by George Stanley—an academic and a historian—from the Royal Military College flag in the mid-1960s, and the design was debated and approved by parliament. Were they all in on it? In the 1960s? If so, doesn’t that mean that academia is part of the conspiracy, in which case Wolter’s argument folds in on itself?

Wolter then informs us that the “C” Document story doesn’t quite check out, that one of the central figures never existed. But he salvages this through—of course—another conspiracy. This time, the owners of the document say that they received a threatening letter warning them not to publish its secrets. The author of this letter, the missing central figure, has been scrubbed from the internet by the federal government after entering witness protection (but of course). Wolter confesses that this is plausible to him because his own father was a secret agent for the U.S. government and therefore, I suppose, part of the conspiracy to hide the truth.

At the end of the chapter he states that he doesn’t know if the “C” Document is real and, despite working with its owners for four years, wishes he could see the original text to prove it actually exists. I am beginning to see now how Joseph Smith managed to get away with never showing anyone his golden tablets. I’ll give the document’s owners credit for this: If a hoax it be, they did a brilliant job parlaying contact with Wolter into a financial windfall by using him to get on the alternative history circuit. If it is a hoax, they have strung Wolter along for years by dribbling out a little bit of “new” information every few months to keep him working to promote their ideas among his friends and colleagues. And now they have a book that Wolter is promoting in this book and, presumably, on America Unearthed.

Chapter 10: The Missing Piece: Jesus
Wolter starts this chapter by warning readers that he will be offending conservative Christians among them by questioning the traditional story of Jesus. He immediately blunders by telling readers that Akhenaten, one of the first monotheists, practiced “Monotheistic Dualism,” and he again confuses Ra with Aten. Akhenaten’s Aten cult had no dualism in the Gnostic sense. I will amend this by noting that “dualism” has several meanings. Akhenaten was a dualist in the sense that his universe was organized around two foci: the Aten and the king, heaven and earth. Since Akhenaten was legally a god, his world was not technically monotheistic but rather had two gods, and of them, only they were allowed to worship one another. This is not what Wolter means by dualism (if he can be said to have a coherent concept of it), for he means dualism to refer to unions of opposites: male and female, god and devil, light and dark, etc. Akhenaten saw himself and the Aten as being on the same page, with no opposition.

He then cites Ralph Ellis as his inspiration for understanding the true nature of Jesus. Ellis believes that Jesus was an (unrecorded) all-powerful king of Judea (covered up by the Romans) as well as King Arthur of the Britons. From Ellis’s King Jesus Wolter takes the century-old claim that history is governed by astrology, arguing that Jesus is symbolized by a fish because he was born to inaugurate the Age of Pisces. There is nothing so stupid that Wolter won’t adopt it uncritically as a revelation. He doesn’t quite understand the precession of the equinoxes as well as Graham Hancock (he confuses procession and precession at times, though this may be a copyediting error), and it’s clear he has derived all of his claims secondhand.

Things do not improve when he claims that Akhenaten recognized the change from the Age of Taurus to the Age of Aries (centuries before the invention of the Babylonian astrological zodiac, which originally made Aries a human, not a ram!) and used the crook and flail to unify the two religions—crook for sheep and flail for bulls. For Wolter, religions are keyed to constellations and every time a new constellation takes over the spring equinox, a new faith pops up to worship it. Sadly for Wolter, the crook and flail date back to the old god Andjety, even before the worship of Osiris, long before the Age of Aries and therefore have nothing to do with any “transition.”

He then adopts Sigmund Freud’s view that the Israelites adopted monotheism from Akhenaten, and that is as far as his understanding of the development of Judaism extends. His knowledge of Christianity is still worse, for he asserts that the Bible states Jesus was educated in Egypt, and he cites an 1890 book as his source for asserting Jesus traveled to India to learn “pure monotheism” from the Buddhists. Wolter wants to rewrite the history of Jesus without ever reading the Gospels, as he himself admitted in this book he has not done. Obviously, there is nothing in the Gospels about Jesus studying wisdom in Egypt or meditating with Buddhists; Wolter is utterly wrong that most “Christians seem to agree” that he did. Wolter is referring, without knowing it, to Matthew 2:13-23, where Joseph takes Mary and the infant Jesus to Egypt to escape Herod. At Herod’s death, God calls them back to Israel. Although the exact date is not specified, Jesus is still a “child” (Matthew 2:20), most likely no more than 2-3 years after his birth (Herod died in 4 BCE), and therefore was not training as Wolter asserts to be a high priest of Amun. He was a toddler, if we take the story at face value (which of course we cannot since it is a myth, and Wolter himself cites Ellis as claiming the whole Biblical narrative is a coverup).

I can’t bring myself to detail the stupid assertions Wolter borrows from Ralph Ellis, but they culminate in Wolter stating that the John the Baptist was a pharaoh bridging the Aries-Pisces divide, that Jesus was the descendant of the “matriarchal” (he means matrilineal) line of Akhenaten, and that the Freemasons secretly venerate John the Baptist as Jesus’ real father, and they are thus “analogs” for Akhenaten and his son, Tutankhamun. From this, he asserts that the Holy Bloodline perpetrated “the greatest plan of subterfuge in history,” to which hated “scholars” are blind: they infiltrated the Catholic Church, organized the Crusades, and founded the Cistercians and the Templars so they could seize the Temple Mount and retrieve lost technology, ancient scrolls, and Jesus’ bones. Wouldn’t it have been faster to infiltrate either the Byzantine government (rulers of Jerusalem down to the 700s) or the Caliphate (rulers thereafter) for quicker access? Byzantine architects built the Islamic Dome of the Rock on the Temple Mount; surely they could have retrieved their technology then with a minimum of fuss.

Based on the Mary-13 code Wolter imagines in the alphabet, he claims that the Templars were suppressed on October 13, 1307 to send a signal about the Holy Bloodline. He then repeats his now-familiar complaint that the Templars fled to North America and spent more than 300 years establishing the United States (to which he now adds “and Canada”) as the “New Jerusalem.” He asserts that George Washington is a lineal descendant of Jesus and therefore became president as an assertion of Bloodline power. He asserts that the Age of Aquarius began on December 21, 2012, was known to the Maya, and inaugurates a new age when cosmic forces compel the war between traditional Christianity and Wolter’s—I mean the Templar-Freemason conspiracy’s—alternative Christianity to be resolved by venerating Mary Magdalene.

He then asks us to assume that the Talpiot Tomb in Jerusalem belonged to Jesus, which I have previously discussed when he made this claim on America Unearthed. He repeats all of that now, including the allegation that Byzantine-style crown on a Crusader-era coin is really a depiction of Jesus in the Talpiot tomb. He says that the only logical conclusion of a vaguely X-shaped carving on the alleged Jesus ossuary is that “Egyptian Monotheistic Dualism” is thus represented, tying Jesus to Akhenaten. Wolter then claims that the Templars entered the tomb, saw this X (and similar ones on other ossuaries) whose lower right legs have a curve to them, and therefore used them to create the “Hooked X®.”

Since Wolter acknowledges in the text of the book writing this chapter after March 2013, he therefore should have been aware of my criticisms of the Crusader coin, but he does not acknowledge them; instead, he cites only supporting blog posts by other writers, suggesting this is important confirmation that he is on the right track.

Anyway, he now asserts that in addition to the Hooked X®, the Cross of Lorraine, the number 13, M-shaped hand gestures, the colors red and white, the double-headed eagle, and more, the Templars also added an inverted V with a circle beneath as yet another secret symbol of their Bloodline Mysteries, this time representing the pediment of Jesus’ Talpiot tomb.

This is where Wolter asserts that Oreo cookies are conspiring against the Truth.

According to Wolter, the Oreo cookie was designed in 1952 by William A. Turnier, whom he says he is unable to prove was a Freemason. I’ll waste my last direct quotation to let Wolter tell you himself how Oreos are obsessed with Jesus:
The design includes twelve Maltese-style Templar crosses, likely symbolic of the twelve primary constellations of the zodiac, surrounding the Cross of Lorraine, which is attached to an oval shape encircling the Oreo name. Opposite the Cross of Lorraine is a stylized AVM. In this case it must surely be referring to Mary Magdalene. The “Double Stuff” [sic; it is actually officially Stuf] Oreo cookie [features] the Cross of Lorraine and the Talpiot chevron-circle design […]. The symbolism [represents] Templar knights surrounding and protecting the Cross of Lorraine, the bloodline descendants of the Royal Family through time.

Picture
The 1954 trademarked Oreo design. Wolter reads the triangle beneath the central oval as an upside-down "AVM" monogram.
He says that because these cookies were marketed before the Talpiot Tomb’s discovery, this is therefore proof that Nabsico was aware of the tomb from esoteric sources. He also suggests that since Oreo cookies look like coins, they represent the Crusader coins discussed above; because they are black and white they also represent the black and white robes of the Templars. Wolter humbly concedes that he is “probably right” about all of this speculation.

The Oreo cookie, invented in 1912, uses flowers and leaves on its cookie, not Templar crosses, as the original blueprint for the Oreo shows. The “crosses” are clearly botanical.

Picture
The original hand-drawn design specifications for the 1954 Oreo. (IndyWeek.com)
As you can see from the older Oreos below, the design is stylized from the original wreath of laurels on the first Oreos, the upside down triangle representing one of the ties or links holding together the original wreath. The twelve botanical icons carry over from the twelve bunches of laurels in the preceding version.

Picture
Evolution of the Oreo. Note the link at the bottom of the wreath, which is stylized as the "AVM" triangle in the 1954 edition. (NYTimes/Nabisco)
The “Talpiot Tomb” version is simply a further stylization of the original.
Picture
Double Stuf Oreo. Wolter reads the "V" under the central oval as the Talpiot Tomb doorway.
The central icon is actually the Nabisco logo, which originates in a fifteenth century printer’s mark, which in turn originated in a cross-topped royal orb, a standard part of medieval imperial and royal regalia. We know this because Adolphus Green, the chairman of Nabisco in 1900, showed everyone exactly where he got the idea for the logo from when he created it. Are Venetian printers in on it, too?

Wolter asked Alan Butler to help, and Butler suggested that Oreos were named for an abbreviation for the Latin phrase ossuarium regina eternus omnipotens, which he translates as “Tomb for the Eternal and All Powerful Queen,” but which Butler has screwed up by failing to match the Latin cases and genders correctly. Wolter fails to understand that Butler made this up and therefore takes it as proof that the “Queen” can only be Mary Magdalene.

Sadly, though, I can’t completely debunk this silliness since Nabisco does not know where the Oreo name came from. It’s probably just a made-up word meant to be short enough to lend itself to imitating earlier rival Hydrox.

Wolter speculates that Mason hidden-tomb rites reflect the Talpiot tomb and that early Christians were duped into believing in the Resurrection by Joseph of Arimathea hiding Jesus’ body in the Talpiot Tomb. He says that the St. Louis Gateway Arch is a Mary Cult symbol because its keystone is shaped like an equilateral triangle with one point facing downward, thus representing her womb (which I guess makes the arch her legs, and: ick). He concludes his discussion by admitting that he is repeating “facts” about Mary Magdalene from Ralph Ellis’s 2011 book on her, in which Ellis claims she was the Princess of Provence and the founder of the House of Orange. He says that Ellis’s work, arguing for a global conspiracy to suppress the truth that Jesus and Mary were reigning monarchs over much of the world, made good sense “to this pragmatist.”

I get that Wolter wants badly to be able to believe in the magical power of Christianity without having to believe in miracles, but he does not recognize even the most basic conventions of scholarship or what constitutes historical evidence. How can I even begin to detail his ridiculous forays into Renaissance art criticism (he sees the Magdalene making “distress” signals in some art) and other speculation that exists only because of earlier speculation, itself based on lies?

Wolter accuses the current pope of being a Mary Magdalene cultist because he made the “M” hand gesture, which Wolter said is an unnatural hand position. It is not unnatural. It’s how my hands extend when relaxed, and I have to put in effort to physically separate the middle and ring fingers. Maybe it’s just my Italian fingers, or maybe… I carry secret Jesus-Templar genes!

Wolter concludes by asserting that the Age of Aquarius will lead to full equality for women, derived from the Roerichs’ Theosophical prophecies. The Roerichs, you will recall, were twentieth-century gurus who believed that World War I marked the start of the Hindu Kali Yuga and who also believed they were in contact with extraterrestrial beings from another dimension. Wolter does not realize this and instead proclaims that the change in zodiac sign on the vernal equinox will somehow change human belief structures and pave the way for a New Age future of full equality for women because… the water-bearer is, I don’t know, an esoteric symbol for the womb bearing the Pisces child or some such nonsense.

The book then concludes with a 22-page outline of the entire book, summarizing each point in order. I guess I could have just used that and saved myself the trouble of reading.

In sum, Wolter makes two key errors: First, he assumes that the Kensington Rune Stone (and thus his home in Minnesota) is the center of world history and therefore reads all history through its lens, seeking out matches for its every aspect. Absent this assumed centrality, the conspiracy vanishes. Second, he is unconsciously seeking historical precedent to justify his New Age sacred feminine religious beliefs and is trying to wrap New Age mysticism in ancient clothes, much as some advocates of Wicca tried to paint it as descended from pre-Christian paganism. So, in essence, he’s no different than the ancient astronaut theorists seeking the gods in extraterrestrials; he just wants a goddess, and he would rather she be in the form of a nebulous gyno-centric mysticism rather than actual divinities.

As for the book, it’s an incoherent jumble of half-digested, Wikipedia-sourced claims that lacks anything approaching structure or argument until the last few chapters, when Wolter abandons virtually any connection to fact and instead delivers extended speculation almost untethered from the reality anyone outside the alternative history bubble would recognize.

Remember: He is confident about rewriting the history of Jesus and admits to not having read the Bible. That about says it all.

• Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 •

39 Comments
CFC
10/11/2013 09:37:43 am

When myths are constructed it’s inevitable that religion will crop up in the narrative. Pretty much everything Wolter has written in this book sounds like made up crap that is so convoluted it doesn’t even make for a good story.

I’m grateful to you Jason for these reviews.

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Shane Sullivan
10/11/2013 12:42:41 pm

"Wolter repeats his conversation with Steve St. Clair about the Nova Scotia flag, and he adds that the Canadian maple leaf has 12 points, making it symbolic of the zodiac. No, your eyes do not deceive you: There are only eleven points. He’s counting the stem as twelve."

Once again, sloppy work from Wolter. The tip of the stem is squared, so there are thirteen points--obviously representing the thirteenth apostle, Mary Magdalene! If he's going to make up his own symbolism, he could at least be accurate about it. The number of "crosses" on the Oreo would still have tied the zodiac in with the conspiracy, thus allowing him to keep the "age of Aquarius" business.

And why doesn't he cite Marija Gimbutas? Was she too "academic"? I think her wacky pre-Indo-European Feminist Utopia was controversial enough to fit in beautifully with Wolter's theory, despite the fact that she was, otherwise, an actual scholar. Hell, he takes white supremacist propaganda at face value; obviously he can cherry-pick.

This isn't even good as conspiracy theories go.

Hmm hmmm A-quar-iuuuss...dammit, now I've got that song stuck in my head!

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Aaron Adair link
10/11/2013 01:50:37 pm

Minor quibble: the name of the 13th Disciple was Rufus.

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Shane Sullivan
10/11/2013 03:26:02 pm

I wonder if he ever got that twelve bucks...

Big Mike
10/11/2013 08:33:01 pm

Actually, it was usually Long Rufus. Except on cold days.

The Other J.
10/11/2013 11:40:38 pm

Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla.
(google it)

charlie
10/11/2013 01:26:33 pm

Jason,
Man, I have no idea how you can read this sort of garbage and then report to us on it. The "book" you finished reviewing is pure crap. Made up is being too kind, it is a tragic waste of paper and ink. How many trees were destroyed to slog through a first printing of this moronic diatribe? Such a loss, the trees I mean.
How you are able to wade through such is beyond me. As I grow older I have less and less tolerance for stupid and this "book" is STUPID and that, I think, is being very kind to Mr. Wolter. The sad thing is, there are those who will buy this and believe they now have some "special truth". Well, we have high school graduates who cannot tell what year Independence from Great Britain was declared or what years the US civil war was fought. The current crop of TV shows just does more to breed this sort of stupid.
Sorry to rant on, but we should not have to tolerate this kind of stupid.

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Jason Colavito link
10/11/2013 01:41:50 pm

Evaluating crappy books is good intellectual exercise. Refuting nonsense sharpens my own skills and forces me to learn about things (Oreo cookies, Renaissance hand gestures, Old French vocabulary, etc.) that I otherwise would never have done.

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The Other J.
10/11/2013 11:49:04 pm

That's a good point. I've mentioned before in these comments that I've used these sorts of conspiracy theories to teach a course on writing and argument, and it's an extremely useful whetstone for keeping your informal logic skills sharp. (A fun exercise was to have students counter a conspiracy by first debunking it and then replacing it with their own conspiracy.)

Americanegro
8/20/2016 08:06:38 pm

Wolter reminds me very much, especially reading his responses on his website, of someone I used to know who I had to cut loose because the nonsense got to be too much: Theosophy, "Egyptian [i.e. made up] Yoga", Nibiru, Zecharia Sitchin, astrology, blessing your water, bathing being bad for you, ... the list goes on. And of course if you researched something before he even heard of it and could see there was nothing to it, you're the bad guy because you're not "open" to it.

Uncle Ron
10/11/2013 04:31:20 pm

Ay. As John Cleese playing Monty Python's "Scotsman" was wont to say, "My brain hurts".

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Will
1/21/2014 01:45:44 pm

Michael Palin said " My brain hurts," while playing "Mr. Gumby," who is English. John Cleese, as Dr. Gumby, replied, "It'll have to come out."

B L
10/12/2013 05:40:32 am

I respectfully disagree with "charlie".

"The sad thing is, there are those who will buy this and believe they now have some "special truth"."

I'm not worried about this particular book. If Jason's critique is accurate then the kind of person who would buy something like this will not have the mental faculties to actually buy into it. This conspiracy has become so convoluted and self-negating that nobody (including Wolter himself) can make any sense of it.

I think the exact opposite is probably more likely. Wolter's followers will be concerned for the man's mental health, and will distance themselves from him.

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Jimma
12/15/2014 06:16:29 am

"Man, I have no idea how you can read this sort of garbage and then report to us on it. The 'book' you finished reviewing is pure crap. Made up is being too kind, it is a tragic waste of paper and ink. How many trees were destroyed to slog through a first printing of this moronic diatribe? Such a loss, the trees I mean.
How you are able to wade through such is beyond me. As I grow older I have less and less tolerance for stupid and this 'book' is STUPID and that, I think, is being very kind to Mr. Wolter."


Bwahahahahaha!!!
I finally made it through all four parts of the review and then saw this comment.
"I don't know how you can read this stuff, maaaaaan. I couldn't, duuuuuuude. I've never even seen this book, maaaan, let alone picked it up or, like, you know, read it. But it sucks."

Hilarious.

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Uncle Ron
10/11/2013 04:25:32 pm

"...(Wolter's) own father was a secret agent for the U.S. government...."

If true, this may explain a lot. Perhaps he wants to be seen as being privy to secret, mysterious information just like his dad; except that he has to share it in order for us to know. He wouldn't last long as a real secret agent.

I find it interesting that the the Oreo cookie is 1/64th inch out of round. How does that fit in? UR

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Thane
10/11/2013 04:26:37 pm

NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

http://www.idolol.com/mayan-calendar-vs-oreo-cookie_70528.html

http://www.amareway.org/holisticliving/12/mayan-prophecy-vs-oreo/

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Alice Kehoe
10/11/2013 05:44:34 pm

Gotta get me some Oreos! Do they sell them at that ubiquitous shrine with the big golden M? (Didn't Wolter notice those big Ms all over this country run by Freemasons? They sell Happy Meals, obviously a form of secret communion.)

Seriously, I've known Wolter since I put him and Dick Nielsen and Barry Hanson on the program for the 2000 Plains + Midwest Archaeological Conference, in St. Paul that year. We didn't know when we put in for the program, whether the electron scanning microscope would validate or invalidate the antiquity of the Kensington runestone; the scanning was done in October and the meeting was early November. At the time, Wolter was a forensic petrographer with a lab and a good reputation for expertise on concrete and cement. He had never heard of the runestone, much less of Templars. To avoid having to coat the stone for the microscope in his lab, he took the stone to Iowa St. U. in Ames where it could be scanned without coating. He showed the microscope slides, which magnified the weathering along the cuts for the runes (quite visible without any lens), and discussed disappearance of biotite in weathering. Other geologists debated the biotite, but not the weathering one can see. (Bruno Giletti, geochemist at Brown U., tells me that his lab has been discovering that standard ideas about biotite are wrong, are being drastically revised.)

Puzzled and annoyed at the archaeologists' and Minn. Hist. Soc. flat insistence the runestone is a hoax and his report of no value, Wolter began spending lunch hours at the Minn. Hist. Soc. archives near his lab. He found the 1910 report by esteemed geologist Newton Winchell of his 3 weeks solid research around Kensington, concluding that the stone could not have been carved in the settlement era beginning around 1865, and could be several hundred years old. Minn. Hist. Soc. rejected the scientists' conclusion, claiming the local professor of Scandinavian languages had the final word in saying the language on the stone is faulty Norse. Wolter also found unpublished material in the archives supporting Ohman's account of his discovery, and questions about some claims of hoax that had not been pursued. So far, 2001-2003, Wolter was doing real research and building a historical case for authenticity of the find, supporting his petrographic work for Nielsen and Hanson.

Then, giving talks around the Twin Cities about the stone and his research on it. Wolter met conspiracy nuts, and found ego fulfillment in their interest. He began buying self-published books about Templars, Grail, etc., and traveling to Europe to see medieval Cistercian abbeys and churches. More and more he gloried in lecturing, and giving full expression to his machismo. I had agreed with Dick Nielsen, a reputable scientist with a doctorate in materials science, to advise on the archaeology issues. I tried again and again to get Wolter to read a little medieval Scandinavian history; he didn't need to. When he began what became America Unearthed, I tried to advise him on Maya, Mississippian, etc., until two years ago he announced he would no longer speak with me; nor does he speak with Nielsen. He's laughing all the way to the bank.

Incidentally, the Henry Sinclair voyage of 1398 is not implausible. Sinclair was Jarl of Orkney and contesting the throne of Norway with a cousin, as well as a Scottish nobleman. Norse had been regularly going to America and trading furs and walrus hide from America for nearly 400 years by 1398, and Orkney was a port of call on the Norway-Greenland voyages. Orkney spoke Norn, a Norse language, up until into the twentieth century.

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BigMike
10/11/2013 09:08:25 pm

Oh my giddy aunt! How could Wolter not have seen the obvious "M" for Mary Magdalene in those Golden Arches? It's so obvious that they're Templar-Freemason conspirators! They serve "french fries" to symbolize how the French "fried" the Templars. And of course the name McDonald's could be pointing to the fact that the post-Templar-proto-Freemasons moved to Scotland. It's so obvious that the Egg McMuffin represents the Bloodline because of the egg and that it also tells us that the Templars made it across the Atlantic from Britain because of the Eglish muffin and the Canadian bacon.
That's it, from now on, I eat only at Burger King. Wait... King... King of the Jews... HOLY BLOODLINE?!

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The Other J.
10/12/2013 05:26:49 am

Interesting. So you've been witness to Scott Wolter's trajectory from the beginning: Would you say it was the ego trip that drove him from attempting genuine research into what he does now? Did he show a capacity for genuine research (primary sources, considering disconfirming evidence) before he went on his conspiracy road trip, or was his scope for reason always fairly limited?

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Alice Kehoe
10/12/2013 06:19:47 am

Yes, up until 2003 Wolter was doing real digging-in-the-archives research, amassing primary-source evidence on the Kensington controversy and discussing disconfirming evidence with Nielsen and me. Also, he continued doing forensic petrography in his lab, co-owned with an engineer. Then about 2003, after a workshop on the runestone at Ft. Snelling in St. Paul, where the Minn.Hist.Soc. people refused to be critical of their late revered director Theodore Blegen who was adamant that the stone was a hoax and encouraged anyone who would publish that (e.g., Eric Wahlgren), Wolter got angry at the challenge to his work. He seemed to take it as a challenge to his manhood. Note that his sport is football. The conspiracy theorists he favors seem to be manly-type men with whom he feels he's one of them, sort of modern Templar knights.

Gunn
10/12/2013 02:58:44 pm

Thirty-six years separate the purported Sinclair voyage from the KRS. So far from what I've seen, the evidences in MN and SD seem to indicate a mostly Swedish presence. Norway is not far from Sweden, nor Orkney. What do you think of the plausibility that Sinclair knew about the Scandinavian activity in this region only a generation earlier?

If Sinclair was Glooscap, the time-frame would be about right for him to instigate a Native American migration to a land where he may have known rice grows on water, naturally. If the voyage really happened around the time the Newport Tower was built, Sinclair may have had knowledge of both the Tower and the KRS. I suppose that if Sinclair had any post-Templar connections, one could say that it is possible that he knew of any Templar-related activity involving either the Tower or the runestone, right? Just double-checking.

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Jason Colavito link
10/12/2013 11:30:54 pm

And how are you dating Glooscap? He's a myth and not one you can situated in time while still taking the story in any way seriously since he was present from the creation in myth. Do you want the Native Americans to be lying about Glooscap's origins yet somehow encoding truths that only you and Frederick Pohl can see?

Gunn link
10/13/2013 07:47:57 am

No, I don't want the Native Americans to be lying about Glooscap's origins. I just want an understanding, a reconciliation of what they are saying in conjunction with what the myth is saying. I don't see encoded truths like Pohl sees. I only see details of the myth that seem to relate to what Native Americans are saying. There is a story about the Chippewa moving from the East Coast, and there is a story about a warning to move from the East coast. Does the real Henry Sinclair fit into this picture as Glooscap? I understand the white-man made up material, but what of the still-standing Native American material? The general time-frame would allow for both the myth and the migration. Did Pohl purposely tie in to the Native American existing history to support his ideas, or were his ideas separate?

Maybe the actual, historical migration did start with a warning from a white man. Maybe it was because of a vision. Could it have been both? If so, here would be the mixing of the facts with the myth. Did Pohl tie in to this? Also, I would like to know whether the colonial East Coast natives did in fact play a form of Scottish ice hockey, or is this a fantasy, too?

Odd rock update: I uploaded the rest of the photos to my website, showing other "old looking" rocks I found with ROUND, modern stoneholes, to fit into the story being proposed by the museum, about that rock with the basketball-sized, chiseled hole. In other words, where the "artifact" was found, were also found by myself other rocks appearing aged with lichen, etc., yet having non-aged, non-triangulated, modern stoneholes, showing that several oddly placed rocks were found in the area, too, near where the museum rock was found.

To me, this indicates a good likelihood of a fraud, as context is everything. Besides this, though, it would interesting to find out more about the area's stone-working history, machines involved, etc. These look like some of the earliest examples of machine-made stoneholes. How did the examples end up where they did? Were they intended as a hoax, too, a hundred years ago? What will the museum say or do after I inform them of my findings?

Varika
10/12/2013 06:23:01 pm

Actually, my understanding is that it's implausible not because of the technology of the time, nor because of what other people were doing, but because the source material is....'questionable' might imply there was some validity to it. The actual narrative conflicts with just about everything that is claimed about it, up to and including the name 'Sinclair,' and besides that, it has been fairly reliably been confirmed as a hoax in and of itself!

Furthermore, as you say--he was a Jarl and contesting a throne. An extended voyage, such as one from Orkney to Nova Scotia, would have been sheer idiocy in those circumstances. It's not like he could phone it in, after all. If he HAD vanished for any great length of time, that would surely have been noted somewhere--if only in the gloating of his rivals.

Please to be providing such evidence before you make claims of plausibility. The plausibility of this is much like the plausibility of a claim that Queen Elizabeth II slipped out of Buckingham and moved to Florida six months ago. If such a thing were to happen, we would KNOW about it.

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John
7/15/2015 06:44:57 pm

@ Alice

Can you say what exactly made Scott sympathetic to these Templar conspiracies? And we're any of the conspiracy nuts associated with any organizations, certain political philosophies, or any known fringe authors?

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BigMike
10/11/2013 08:50:04 pm

Jason, I will say this man, you have provided me with an entertaining and top notch review of what is bound to be a N.Y Times best-selling novel. I wonder if Hollywood has already bought the movie rights.

Wait, what...? This review isn't for a novel? Wolter is classifying this book as NON-fiction?! There was less fantasy in Lord of the Rings. I mean seriously, the Harry Potter universe is more coherent (and realistic) than these obviously farcical "facts" and speculations. I mean it really comes off as the rantings of a delusional madman... Wait, that's being to mean to delusional madmen.

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Joseph Craven
10/11/2013 10:49:30 pm

My earlier joke about the Brachs Candy/Templar/Presidential/Chicago Landclaim conspiracy doesn't seem so funny any more. I was going for humorous extremes, but Wolter has clearly out-crazied my imagination.

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The Other J.
10/12/2013 12:31:59 am

As Alice Kehoe mentioned above, Wolter missed expounding upon the massive M's dotting the highways of the country. Big whiff there.

But I also think he missed a trick by not getting into how "Double Stuf(f)" could be representative of dualism. There's probably a link to be made (badly) between the Oreo and the communion wafer -- the Oreo as sacred feminine sacrament of dualism -- which in turn links back (badly) to Crusader coins. So when you eat an Oreo you're eating the true sacrament, but when you eat the communion wafer, you're eating the symbol of monetary exchange and paying a dividend on your soul.

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Gunn link
10/12/2013 01:12:52 am

Jason, in probably a vain effort to disassociate Wolter from the KRS, I hope you are wrong about his first assumption:

"In sum, Wolter makes two key errors: First, he assumes that the Kensington Rune Stone (and thus his home in Minnesota) is the center of world history and therefore reads all history through its lens, seeking out matches for its every aspect. Absent this assumed centrality, the conspiracy vanishes."

But it seems to me that most of what he has to say has nothing whatever to do with the KRS. Somehow, as Alice has suggested, I suppose he began to associate the Templars with it. If one separates Templars from the KRS, what does he have? Not the runestone, but Templars. Why?

To me, he has abrogated any popular claim to KRS fame...as popularizing it, that is. He still has plenty left after the runestone is removed from him. He still has plenty of crap left after the runestone is detached from him.

Jason...detachment, please, not attachment. Can you figure out a way to help us in this? (Us? Yes, me and my few imaginary friends again.)

PS: Check out the new page on my website in a few hours. Look at the new "artifact" I found being displayed outside a museum in MN, near SD. I'm just uploading photos of the object for now. Later today, I'll post, with comment, other photos of other peculiar rocks I found near where the other oddity was "discovered." What I found changes the whole story, and suggests a hoax...right up yer alley.

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Scott Lund
11/12/2013 09:51:06 am

Gunn, I have read many of your comments as to your website, but no address or link have I found. Your pics of the stoneholes are facinating to me. I also would love to see the picture of the steel object you found at runehill. If you do not want to repost the address here, perhaps email me at auction1@live.com. I would enjoy checking it out. Thanks

Reply
RLewis
10/13/2013 03:11:11 am

Ah, so the thirteen stripes on the US flag are not representative of colonies -but instead of Mary Magdalene. Very clever Mr. Templar.
Now if SW can just create - er - find some old scratched-up rock to support this "fact". Or maybe it would be easier to just mis-translate some existing artifact.

Reply
Only Me
10/13/2013 11:13:50 am

One could go even further and suggest that the Mary-13 code is the basis for 13 being considered an unlucky number. October 13, 1307 + persecution of the Templars = bad day in Templar history.

Reply
Colin Hunt
10/24/2013 06:49:23 am

I wondered why Scott Wolter uses only his middle initial and never his full middle name, Fred. Then it dawned on me: of course, just using the letter “F” means his name has twelve characters! Surely there is significance here and not just coincidence that there were twelve disciples. And the fact that the words “Sweet Lord” are found in his full name, well, it’s all obviously a hidden code indicating that Wolter is destined to follow a religious crusade. It must be true, it’s there for any code breaker to find.

Reply
Lynn Brant link
11/30/2013 02:22:06 am

Someone should write a Scott Wolter biography. Call me for some good stories.

Reply
EP
9/17/2014 02:40:30 pm

Can't believe I'd not read this review until last night... All I can say is that my fail expectations have been surpassed...

Why anyone would willingly associate their brand with this mess is beyond me.

Reply
Lara
2/6/2015 02:02:29 pm

Excellent Review! I laughed so hard, that I almost cried. I don't remember exactly how I got to this site. I have only seen a couple of the AU episodes, but found the host and his "facts" quite ridiculous and annoying. I thought your intro was alluding to a joke regarding Scott Wolters and OREO cookie conspiracies, but alas, I was wrong. I am still shocked that a man (who is not a comedian or musician) publicly defending his belief of a conspiracy involving OREO Cookies, has such a large following. I am currently debating how many "facts" I can come up with to disprove Scott Wolters theories and create a newer, even more outrageous theory revolving around the origin of the KRS. If I could somehow link it with Amazon Women from the Moon, it might make his head explode! I look forward to reading more of your reviews.
Lara

Reply
John
7/16/2015 05:13:39 am

I don't know about Amazon women from the moon, but I'm sure Scott will eventually tie Alan Butler's absurd claim of time traveling Freemasons creating the moon together with his claims. And yes I'm not kidding, that is also another real theory too created of course by a friend of Wolter's.

Reply
Americanegro
8/20/2016 07:39:14 pm

Is the hand gesture an "M" for "Mary" or a "W" for "Wolter" or an "E" for "Egypt"? Sometimes I just want to take Mr. Wolter and shake him. Reading the way he responds to critics on his blog has made me actively dislike him.

Reply
Leah Powell
12/24/2016 04:13:01 pm

Jason, youre a pathetic jewish shill, seriously how many shekels did you receive to feed this marxist propoganda to the goyim? You bug eyed fat fuck.

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